philadelphia

so, I'm new here; this is my first post. I'm not sure if I'm posting in the proper place or what, but, here goes. I found out about this place off of Writer's Digest. Of course I also found out about another place that I just posted this same poem on and it didn't go too well, but, we'll see how this lands

philadelphia

and she said to me, “

did you ever notice that
the most precious people
have raisin hands,
scars on their bodies & souls,
and nothing to show for it

?” i never saw before
just how flat i’d been.

“

did you ever notice that
the most precious people
have raisin hands,
scars on their bodies & souls,
and nothing to show for it

?”

fix the quotations, and this will be a great poem. short, but packed with meaning.

the quotations were actually purposefully placed that way. it is supposed to give the second stanza higher importance, as if setting apart something of beauty.

...thanks for reading it.

I liked the punctuation here. Something spoken into clear silence. I love how it begins with end, as if we are peeking in on something already in progress. Raisin hands is awesome. The ending could have been a bit stronger, but not in a forceful sense. I mean, you captured the gentleness, retain that. But, oh never mind. There really is nothing wrong with this. Damn. Good job.

thank you very much