Alone.

Spoiler

Right so, my main target was to not (a) Specify gender (b) Use any 'I's (c) Just get the feeling across. So, hope you like it.

Tears rolling down fast,
Silent sobs,
And trembling shoulders,
Sitting in the corner of the room, a small figure .

Lonely ,
Never had any friends.
And always bullied,
Pushed against the lockers.

"You know, even make-up doesn't hide an ugly face like that",
They would taunt,
And tears would roll,
And everyone just ignored.

Staring down at the knife,
The decision was made quickly .
In a swift moment,
The knife was plunged deep into the skin.

Yanking it out,
Cuts were made throughout,
The floor turned red,
And the eyes closed.

Leaving behind nothing ,
But blood.
A soft smile on the lips,
And 'sorry' carved on the arm.

So I really liked this poem. It's short, but very powerful with kind-of a haunting darkness that blurs the whole thing through. A lot of emotion and it's all described in only a few words. I really liked how this really made it feel like you could see someone in that sort of a situation. It really hits home for a lot of people because we all know someone who has been treated badly like that.

Hellooo Justtrying! =)
I'm here to review your work today! (Obviously XD) I want to start off with saying that this is a good write. So at first when I read your main target I was like: "How on earth is she going to do that? OO" But it turned out you did an amazing job! And you really did get the feeling across so congratulations on that! I always like it when poems have a story in it, and yours is a sad and beautiful one.
There weren't really any nitpicks in this, there's just one little thing:

"You know, even make-up doesn't hide an ugly face like that",
They would taunt,
And tears would roll,
And everyone just ignored.

The first sentence seems a little bit too long when you compare it with the other three sentences. I suggest you make it a little shorter, so that your poem will look better. But maybe that's just me. =)

Other than that this is a really good poem and I love it. I hope this review helped a little. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this and keep up the great work!
-qaralynn-

Ok so i really liked this poem! short, kind of melodramatic and emotional! Lovely!

but i must say that it was a little "cliché"... Maybe you should try adding an unexpected turn to it?...

Anyways just saying, i still liked it though.

Wonerful!

Yanking it out,
Cuts were made throughout,
The floor turned red,
And the eyes closed.

Leaving behind nothing ,
But blood.
A soft smile on the lips,
And 'sorry' carved on the arm.

My favorite part! Your very discriptive and the readers can feel her pain. Keep it up!

Hey Justtrying,

You have really good grammar and punctuation, and I can't say that to many so congrats!

I liked the poem I only had one concern, and its not that important.

"You know, even make-up doesn't hide an ugly face like that", Just that, that line is so long, you could split it. Since its dialogue its not a big deal...
They would taunt,
And tears would roll,

For some reason I feel like the person who is going through this is a guy. Oh, one other thing!

A soft smile on the lips, Try Their. Its not gender specific and more personal.
And 'sorry' carved on the arm.

Really good job! I would like to know why they wrote 'sorry', and not something like (excuse my language) 'fuck you'. Thats what I'd say if it was me anyway! I know I'm weird. Good job!

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo

Soxx

It's me again

'Alone' was really a powerful poem I thought! You expressed it wonderfully!

I'm still confused with this part:

"And 'sorry' carved on the arm."

I don't know why he/she mentioned a 'sorry' there. Please explain because I'm so stupid sometimes !!!

4/5 !

Love,
L1598 ♥ (Lakshmi)

Oh, so yes this was dark but still sweet somehow...

This wasn't meant to go to deep into the words so I'm not gonna complain on the lack of depth or anything... I think your lines are decriptive enough even though a little bit more imagery wouldn't have hurt. I agree on what the others said about this line; "You know, even make-up doesn't hide an ugly face like that" - being too long, without it, or you know, a shorter version of it the flow is pretty good and there's no disrupts in the rythm. My last concern is this line which I felt has a little poor wording "A soft smile on the lips" - I donno, it just seems a little dull, maybe if you wrote.. ehm... "A soft smile on "adjective" lips", because I guess it's the "the" that bothers me... EHm.. i'm mumbling. ANyhows, overall this was a simple poem but still touching. And I just gotta say, that even though it doesn't make sense, I love the "sorry" you added at the end. Because, up until that moment, this was just another of those ordinary suicide-cause-I'm-not-happy-poems... but that last line made it original! Nice job!

I'll give you 3/5 icky sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness