Liar Liar, Heart on Fire

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
Tell me what you
really feel.

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
What is fake and
what is real?

You tell me that you
never cared,
But I can see the
lies in you.

Eyes are shadowed but
heart is bare,
Steadily it beats out
your truth.

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
Passion burns us
through our veins.

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
I'll wait for you
all of my days.

This is amazing. The rhyme scheme is original and good. I didn't see any mistakes in grammar. The only thing is that the last line seems a bit bulky with syllabic content. The message is great, the title is catchy, and I like the overall jist of this. Good job, and keep it up!

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
Tell me what you
really feel.

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
What is fake and
what is real?

You tell me that you
never cared,
But I can see the
lies in you. I like the first three stanzas

Eyes are shadowed but
heart is bare,
Steadily it beats out
out your truth.

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
Passion burns us
through our veins. a little off-theme

Liar, liar,
Heart on fire,
I'll wait for you quite a cliche ending. You need to branch out some more and carry your theme farther. You just let the lying die without really properly killing it.
all of my days.

Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain

I liked this, I could sense a rhythem to it. I liked the theme but I think the last two stanzas were a bit off-topic. And the last line had an extra syllable, but other than that, I thought this was well written with no grammer or spelling mistakes. Keep practicing!

Okay soo. I love your structure and rythm, this piece flows just amazingly. I did find the content a bit dull and cliché though, there wasn't much imagery and it would be a much more delightful read if you spiced it up a bit. Other than that... Nice job!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness