Patience, Patients

About an ED unit a hospital...




Here, we are not people,

We are not our inaudible screams and tears too transparent to see.

Not even murky puddles of mistakes and traumas.

We are only one thing here:

Patients.

quiet, quiet, patience

Experiment at will.

First of, I like the title. (I really don't know why, though... :O)

Second, try extending the poem a little bit more. No doubt, its really good, but its short. Before I could really appreciate it, it got over.

Just so that I'm clear. This line:

"About an ED unit a the hospital."

A/the? I didn't get that. In a hospital? In the hospital?
Also, is that in the poem, or just to tell us what the poem is about. If its the latter, shall I suggest the spoiler? (What is it with me and my rhyme-y reviews! Dx This is the 7th one today, I tell you!)

This line:
"...tears to transparent to see."

I think you meant, tears too transparent to see. (double 'o')

This line:

"quiet, quiet, patience"

I didn't even know it was there! Please, a little bigger?

This line:

"Not even murky puddles of mistakes and traumas"

No puntuation for this fella?


Anyways, thats all I got. Good luck.

-JT

I Like this. The title is cool.

I agree with justtrying about the length, extend it.

And i like the line "quiet, quiet, patience" but again i agree with Justtrying, it needs to be bigger.

But other than that, I really like this. Keep Writing