Shattering

A Poem I wrote for school obviously a while ago about Egypt

18 days –revolt

But for a while this not a revolt
This is disobeying children
Blocked
Being disciplined
Then, it shatters

Three decades—

Political stasis
Established order

Tens of thousands—evening prayers

We are Egyptian
We are dances of joy
We are feet bouncing, lifted heads so high they create perforated lines in the clouds

30 years—absence

Egypt, democracy wrapped in thorny vines, held back in the hidden corners the country
Finally tangible

Six decades—departure

Mubarak falls, toppling over, rolling out the door, down the street, to the Red Sea

85 million—the nation

So many people
There is no room
For dictatorship, for single group slogans
Not any more
Moral force bends the walls, bends history
Spilling mindlessness onto the floor
Letting it evaporate into textbooks

12 days—detained

Blind folded isolation
Invisible refusal of corruption
Became increasingly clearer
As photographs were passed through barbed wire

27, 32, 39—ages

Rebuild the shattered,
frozen possibilities

Wow, I really loved this! A very clever setup, with powerful, well written content. Nicely done!

Only one thing...I think that these should be written vertically, as stanzas:

Egypt,
democracy wrapped in thorny vines,
held back in the hidden corners the country
Finally tangible

barak falls,
toppling over,
rolling out the door,
down the street,
to the Red Sea

Otherwise, a lovely work:)

thank you! And yeah, I agree after reading it over... I really haven't looked at this since it was assigned in class.

I was really irritated after reading the review above, as "DrunkOnWriting" had mentioned really the only thing that was going to nitpick about this poem, about making the long lines shorter.
So that basically means you've done one hell of a job- this is a deeply lyrical and beautiful piece of writing.
Nice job!

Wow, I loved this. A history lesson in about 30 seconds.

We are Egyptian
We are dances of joy
We are feet bouncing, lifted heads so high they create perforated lines in the clouds

You're an amazing writer!!!!!