Waiting in the Black

In the darkness of the night,
Where no moon can pierce with light,
In the shadows where it lies,
A murd'rous fire kindled in it's eyes,
Long forgotten does it hide,
And time and time again abide,
Waiting, waiting, in the black,

Scorn and malice is its game,
And its evil can't be slain,
The dark and brood that dwelt inside,
Ne'er can be cast aside,
Pain and sorrow has it wrought,
In its shadows are you caught,

Murder, murder is the call,
A ghostly creature born of the fall,
A beast without pity or scorn,
The night has for so long borne,
It shall hunt you in the end,
And doom's fate does it send,
Waiting, waiting, in the black.

Something from a while ago when someone close died, kind of affected my mood when I wrote this. It was so uncharacteristic that I didn't put much time into editing it after I wrote it, so it's exactly as I penned it. It isn't that great for that reason.

Hello,
Here to review

All in all this is a pretty strong piece; the flow is a little rocky, but other than that I really liked this poem. I am sorry that this had to come from that kind of hurt, but as we all know writing helps us deal with such emotions. Hopefully, writing this helped you get through the pain a little easier. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany

So, did someone you know get murdered?

In any case, I liked the whole feel of this poem and writing poetry when you feel depressed can help in some small ways. It doesn't always take the pain away, but of course you know that.

Hellou you! Here comes I, to review your piece!

In the darkness of the night,
Where no moon can pierce with light,
In the shadows where it lies,
A murd'rous fire kindled in it's eyes, - Here you swift from writing in presence to past...
Long forgotten does it hide,
And time and time again abide,
Waiting, waiting, in the black,

I like the beginning of this piece alot, it's a good intruduction to what's coming next, the flow is a bit choppy though and the punctuation could be imroved by switching come commas into dots

Scorn and malice is its game,
And its evil can't be slain,
The dark and brood that dwelt inside,
Ne'er can be cast aside, - Why write Ne'er... the piece would work just as good, and maybe even better with writing "Never" ...
Pain and sorrow has it wrought,
In its shadows are you caught, - I don't like the sounds of this line... It would sound alot better if you wrote "you are caught" instead "are you caught" since i think the latter sounds more like a question than a fact.

Murder, murder is the call,
A ghostly creature born of the fall,
A beast without pity or scorn,
The night has for so long borne,
It shall hunt you in the end,
And doom's fate does it send,- This line doesn't make sence and I've think you've tried to hard to make it rhyme and unfortuantely ended up making it seem forced...
Waiting, waiting, in the black

OVERALL: I think this poem has potential, fix it up and make it flow a bit better and you've got an amazing poem with great imagery, content and all! (I'm a fan of the "Waiting, waiting, in the black" adds at the ending of the first and last stanza.

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness