Space Rose

Spoiler

Okay so this just proves how big of a dork I am. I found this picture on I think Google of this nebula in space and I thought it was so pretty and it reminded me of a rose. I decided to write a poem about it. Here's the picture (I didn't make it and all credits go to Google and whoever unploaded it):

Space Rose.png (301.47 KiB) Viewed 129 times

Beauty trail and beauty divine
Oh how my heart is on fire
Reddish blasts of truth sublime
Causes it to go higher

For even in space
There is love
Chanting on that great race
Although you may not find a dove

That great space rose
Causes thoughts for you
My love that flows
Forever and ever in my heart so true

Spoiler

I actually wrote this clear back in March but never did anything with it. It's actually going to be a contest entry. I don't use punuation in my poetry I'm sorry but I don't believe poetry needs punuation and whether or not you use it when it comes to poetry I think is a personal perference.

I actually really like this poem! Poetry based on photos or images are always stronger, especially when you branch out like you did by drawing the image into that of a relationship. My only suggestion is to try and keep your lines as concise as possible, mainly in

"Although you may not find a dove"
and
"Forever and ever in my heart so true"

Compared to the other lines, these are uncharacteristically out of metre. Simply changing "Although" to "Though" and eliminating "and ever" can help with the pacing of the poem

Overall, great job!
-Sam

The poem was awesome! it flowed nicely and connected. I mean it made sense and went with the picture. you did a really good job. Rayne

Good JOB!!!. That picture you found really does look like a rose in space. This was very creative 10 out of 10 is my score.

Very Well Done! I liked the imagery of this piece and would really like to see the picture that trigged your imagination to write this!

Nitpicks!
- Punctuation! It help the rythm so think you should add some commas and stuff
- Structur, some of your lines are a bit too long and disturbs the flow
- rhymes, some of your rhymes are a bit forced and doesn't bring anything to the poem, they're only awkward... for example "Although you may not find a dove" I get it was supposed to rhyme with love but why would it be a pity one did not find a dove... you could have written chocolate or fish or.. yeh you get it

Overall! Nice job!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I'd cut the 'forever and ever" and just leave in my heart true. Sounds so much better.
Gotta agree the dove line just feels completely out of place, and so very forced.

Other than that it's a solid little piece and I really enjoyed some of the imagery you capture here in your description of this wonderful space phenomenon (really enjoy the 'chanting on that great race' line)

Look forward to reading more, keep it up.