Favorite Place

Black Dark Warm
Moonlight Shadows Peaceful
Bees Buzzing Birds Chirping
The hum of the air
The whispering of the wind
Calm Sleepy
Laughing Playful
Is this real?

This poem seems like the type of poem that beginners start with. I remember, years ago, that one of my teachers taught this method of poetry writing, when I was like in fourth grade (might have been before that, but I'm not sure). I don't know how good of a poet you are besides this one piece. I find this poem very stale as it lacks any emotion. At least, from my perspective.

Also, there are some corrections that you should think about correcting. Everything in bold, that is:

Black, Dark, Warm
Moonlight Shadows, Peaceful
Bees Buzzing, Birds Chirping
The hum of the air
The whispering of the wind
Calm, Sleepy
Laughing, Playful
Is this real?

My teacher made my write it for a poetry unit we were working on.

I really like it but I think you should add a little more detail and make it a little longer.

Hi,

This is really lovely. I love the combinations of words and the alliteration, and it flows very nicely. I love the arrangement of "dark" and "warm."

I'd change "whispering of the wind" as it lacks the originality of your other word arrangements, and I'd change the final line to something visual that suggests the unreality of the scene rather than saying it out loud.

A pleasure.

Jas

Hiya,
I love the ending line: “Is this real?”
It added so much to the poem.
That being said, I would add more detail. It has potential. A lot, in fact. I love this theme so much, and there are sooo many things you could do to make it more than “good”. For something like this, I would recommend that you make it beautiful in description, and personal. I mean, maybe you didn't entend to make it this big personal thing, but I cansee how it "could" be. Lol it reminds me of your "Secret" place with God, to tell you the truth. I love it.

I’ll start writing something one way, and as I start blindly typing from the heart, I “then” go back and revise it and it will be something totally different. “Than” I go back and hammer out the details and typos. I find that writing something in a few hours or so can make a good poem, but to truly finish a piece, it takes days, weeks, months, or even years to make it legend.
Charade <3

Okay so this was quite simple and plain and that's not always a bad thing but here I think it's a bit too plain. You know, there are beautiful words and you've written this in a way that could make for a very powerful and vivid poem but it lacks both imagery and descriptions. Also... little bit too much CAPS wasn't it? I personally prefer a poem containing dots and commas too it eases the flow and rythm.

Overall... this has potential but it's a bit too dull as it is

2½/5 spiders so long, but polish it a bit and I think it can grow to something much better

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness