A Pathetic and Pitiful Cry

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Earnest. Why can’t all affairs be earnest? Why must their be so much fake? So much lost? So much loneliness? Why is it so hard to find love? Why must attraction be fatal? Why is this world so sad? Why so many nights left alone? Why so hard to find that person? that person that creates happiness from nothingness? that person that makes smiles appear where a frown once was? Why so hard to find a soul-mate?
Is it because no one knows what they want? Is it because that no one says what they want? Well if it is the former, I will exalt from Jack’s Desolation Mountain what my heart desires. I will speak truth to all those sad souls who wander in the expansive landscape, looking at their feet, with tired eyes and tireder spirits, what I mean to achieve, what I desire to find, and if this world decides to stop being so stupidly sad, what I may find one day amongst all these fallen angels who through some inane excuse can’t see their own wings. I will speak truth to the power, trying to find one other Desolation Angel to fly above the utter stagnation of wasted emotions and dried jissom.
I am tired of the chase. My heart is beating far too fast, my lungs grasping for too much air, my legs too tired, and my vision too clouded from searching for a simpler world where love, attraction, truth and earnestness all collided into lights that can challenge their northern iridescent brethren.
I want a girl as awkward as I. A girl who doesn't know what to say when. Whose foot is constantly in her mouth. One whose sweet true words fall upon deaf ears, ringing from mountain to mountain, a forgotten echo. I want a girl who doesn't make her attraction fatal. I want a girl who cannot make men swoon with a swing of her hips or the batting of her eyelashes. I want someone who acts purely from insanity. Who speaks too loudly. Who blinks too frequently. Who does not try hard enough to find the right word. Who is lost as I in the current posturing that dominates the landscape of love. Who doesnt believe that love and war are the same. Who can know that I AM WEAK. Who knows that my life tries to be too fast, too serious, and can make me stop and enjoy. Who can create a world out of a second, and can make a second out of eternity. I want her.
Yet, I see all the sad faces. All the fake laughs. All the ludicrousness. And I know that even if I did yell this in the face of every women that passed, they would all be too involved to hear me. The deafness that is imprinted on us. The world is much too pathetic.
Oh! Why does loneliness cut like such a cold knife? Why must the cut go so deep? Why must the blood flow so heavily? Why must the scars be so pink? Why must those who wish to be heard be mute? The battle of the sexes is such a worthless fight! NO ONE CAN WIN. And even if someone did, the world would continue spinning for eternity until the all the exhausted souls were extinguished and nothingness would be counted by lost opportunities and the tears.
I may be just the most pathetic creature on earth. I may just jump from falling star to falling star, trying to find something permanent, but crashing into the earth transforming into an unassuming crater, unnoticeable.
Mankind is a remarkably sadistic creature. Searching for unhappiness in half-promises, and false gods. Seeking aloneness by creating obstacles for others in the search for companionship. Impeding truthfulness through unmeant words, construting defenses for true communication.
This is truly the Importance of Being Earnest. So you can notice everyones wings and rise. Rise to the highest of peaks. Escaping the self-inflicted wounds of loneliness and create something beautiful.




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Good job! Your poem was beautiful. You certainly got the theme across well. Just a couple of notes:
that person that creates happiness from nothingness? that person that makes smiles appear where a frown once was?
Those t's should be capital.
So you can notice everyones wings and rise.
This should be everyone's.
Is it because no one knows what they want? Is it because that no one says what they want? Well if it is the former, I will exalt from Jack’s Desolation Mountain what my heart desires.

Either switch the order of your questions here, or change the word "former" to "latter," because the narrator reconciles the second question with the ways he would make his desires known.
This is truly the Importance of Being Earnest. So you can notice everyones wings and rise. Rise to the highest of peaks. Escaping the self-inflicted wounds of loneliness and create something beautiful.
I like how this gives a glimmer of hope at the end of an otherwise fairly somber poem. Lovely!

All in all, a really good piece, full of emotion and truth. Great work!

~DragonGirl
~*~

"You could look at the raindrops on your window, or you could look through the window and see the rainbow."
~K.C. Oxford

<YWS>




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Wow! Beautiful, powerful, and packed with real emotion...very well written!

Just one thing to add:

Why must their be so much fake?


It seems as though this should be "there" instead of "their".

I absolutely loved how you ended it; I could feel the rising emotions, the hope swelling within the depths of the speaker...it was gorgeous:)

Keep it up!




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Hi, Basham! Isha here to review!

First of all, I'm going to say that although this layout has been used in poetry before, you have to be extremely careful when using it. There has to be some special sort or phrasing, and a way to show us what the rhythm is. This piece lacked that, and though it was a beautiful piece, it read more as an essay with pretty words for me.

I would try to use lines and stanzas, rather than sentences and paragraphs. Either that or you're goin to have to spice up your imagery, flow and the way you word things.

But, as far a concepts go, I have to say that I liked it. As far as our world goes I both regret and like saying that this is a fairly original idea. Every other piece out there us based on how hot a woman is, or how gorgeous her body is, or any other number of things. This piece on the other hand, is about the exact opposite. It's more or less about what real women are like if you strip off all of the fake. Somebody wishing that they had a real woman as opposed to the frauds is an excellent concept to base a poem off of.

Really, my only advice is to step up your imagery, find tr emotions in the piece, pick them apart and find a good, creative and original way to describe them in the piece. If this is going to be a poem, it needs a bit of... poeticness, not that that's a word, but hopefully you see my point.

Hope this helped at least a tiny little bit, and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me.

Keep writing,
~~Ish.
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?



/I think, today,/ he thought back, /the important fact is that I don't/ need /to be better than him. He can just be a person. And I... I can just be one too./
— Adolin (Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson)