Dear Mason

Dear Mason,

I never want to see you again. When I say that, I don't mean it as if I hate you, because I don't. You're a wonderful person, well, that is when you're not being a total dick. Yeah, I doubt you even remember my name. You hardly remember any girl who you pretended to like.

No, nevermind. You did like me. You told me. And I know that it wasn't just me who felt it. You're just one of those guys who moves on fast. I wish I could have moved on that fast. You know, there were some times where I thought: "Maybe I should just end this, we hardly see each other. All we can do is have those phone conversations for hours." But I didn't listen. Because I knew that I really liked you. You made me feel special, Mason. I hope you know that. And I seriously hope that it wasn't just a stupid lie.

Oh. FYI. I knew that you didn't break up with me just because you were moving. You liked another girl. Yeah, I heard all about it. Don't worry. I didn't cry anymore than I needed too. It was so hard not to just cuss you out when you called me to break up with me. I remember you asking me: "Is that alright with you?" Honestly, what did you think I was going to say? Yeah I was totally just going to burst out and say: "No. I say when its over." I'm not like that, Mason, and you know that.

This is going to be the last time I ever spend more than a minute thinking about you. The other day, one of our friends was talking about you, and guess what. I didn't feel anything. No butterflies, no pain, nothing. And honestly, I have never felt better.

Mason, I'm just writing this to let you know I've moved on. I don't want you back. Sure, I miss all those times we had together. I miss feeling as if I mattered to someone. I miss the way you hugged me and the way you kissed my cheek and told me everything would be alright. But its gone, and I can't do anything about it.

Again, I really doubt you even remember who I am. You're off breaking every girls heart like you did mine and every girl before me. I hope it makes you feel fantastic, but I can promise you someday you're going to regret all those moments and all those times you hurt people.

Never come and see me. I don't know if I could handle it. No, scratch that, I know I could handle it, I just don't know about you. Goodbye, Mason.

-Emma

Hey there,

I want to critique this but I don't know where to begin. It's fine as is, every time I found something to criticize I realized that it was probably deliberate. I mean to say, little annoying things that would probably actually be in a letter of this nature like:

Oh. FYI. I knew that you didn't break up with me just because you were moving. You liked another girl. Yeah, I heard all about it. Don't worry. I didn't cry anymore than I needed too. It was so hard not to just cuss you out when you called me to break up with me.

Ahh, so many short sentences, no commas. My teeth were bare; my lips were drawn back in a snarl. I had to resist the urge to tear shreds off this. But then I reminded myself it was all part of the story, it all contributes to the naggy narrators demeanour. But, then I couldn't decide whether it was deliberate or not? I'll resign myself to the fact you probably aren't as desperate as your narrator

I mean if I found this published in a literary arts magazine, it would arrive with a little authority so I wouldn't be so inclined to comb it for things to criticize, I'm afraid YWS has converted me from bright-eyed optimism to cynicism. I find sometimes I don't give articles the chance I should, because I am so used to being critical - off note this might by why critics, like professional critics, often find themselves under fire for being so cruel and harsh yet never actually writing, acting, singing etc. themselves, I guess there is something to be said here but I have digressed. /rant.

So to extrapolate a point from all that yarn, it is difficult to critique work like this without a premise. Perhaps in a spoiler? In any case I think the idea for this, although hardly original, has been handled well.

I know I have rambled now.

Anyway I hope from all those nonsense you can take my point. It was good. Keep it up.
JP

Hey there, Forest! First off, I'm letting you know I changed the rating to 16+, as you had some language on this.

(This is the second "Dear So-and-so" literary work I've read today. Are they getting popular or something?)

Anyway! Let's get down to business. I read this with rather blank eyes. This means that while your text didn't cause me to avert my eyes from poor grammar or excessive amount of fragments, it also didn't make my eyes glisten with the enjoyment of reading something completely fabulous. Long story short: this was unfortunately quite a basic piece of writing. This could be a school assignment with the title "Write down what you feel right now" or something. I don't mean to imply this was a true story, because I have no idea if it was. I just mean that this seemed more like a teenager writing a spiteful diary entry (or a letter, obviously), which, while it would make her feel better, doesn't have a lot of substance. This could also be one of those things that one writes when they're determined to write something every day, even if it was just a short, plotless storylet.

Long story short (again): this didn't seem that much like an actual work of literary. However, Joshuapaul above said it quite well, what with the thing about the literary magazine/authority and such.

However part two, this was written well enough so that it actually made me feel kind of free too, like Emma must have felt when she got all of this written down and sent to Mason. I like the "I Will Survive" vibe about this, this stuff always wakes up the feminist in me

I have no idea whether I've actually been helpful at all, so view this as more like a comment, rather than a review.


Demeter
x

Hey there Forestqueen!

For a pretty basic plot; girl writes letter to boy to tell him she's finally moved on and that she's stronger without him. And a pretty short piece, this was okay. Like Demeter said, it didn't fill me with emotion and make me happy that Emma's moved on, or sad that she had to go through the break-up, but then again, I didn't find myself losing interest.

I think, if the piece had been any longer, you could have started to walk around in circles with it, but with the length it is, it works. It felt like Emma said everything that she needed to say, by writing about the happy and the sad times, making it a balanced piece, rather than all positive or all negative.

I did spot a few spelling issues that I'd like to point out.

than I needed too.

'too' should be 'to'

when its over."

'it's'

and guess what.

This is a question so you need a question mark after 'what'

But its gone, and I can't do anything about it.

'it's'

So, like I said at the start, this has a pretty basic plot, but I think it could be so much more. Have a go at adding in more emotion, maybe where she writes about him breaking up with her and her finding out about the other girl. Let the reader know how Emma really felt. I'm sure she'd want Mason to know how she felt too, so he can see how far she's come by the last paragraph.

I hope this helps!

xDudettex

Um, hi! I'm not really used to reviewing things, so I hope this helps!

Okay, so here it goes:
I liked this. I mean, not at first. At first I thought this was going to be an ordinary story, the same chewed up letter that people keep writing to an ex - a beautiful letter, yes, filled with emotions and wonderful descriptions, yet repettitive all the same. But I was wrong! Your main character was just so... strong. Not yielding. I loved that - it was original. It's hard to pin-point exactly what went right here, but I'm going to try.

So, back to my train of thought. I thought the story was going to be a sappy love letter because of the two first paragraphs, so maybe that's what you want to work on. BTW, I love the opening line you chose! But then, (besides the second sentence, which was also great in my mind) it all seemed somewhat... bitter. I mean, the whole "You pretended to like me, I'm hurt" ordeal is just played over again and again, don't you think?

And then came the second paragraph. I love it. I finally got a sense of who Emma is. I'm highlighting the parts I like best in blue! Oh, and the comments on why I like them so much will be in red.

No, nevermind. You did like me.

The first line ("no, nevermind") just makes me feel like Emma is really talking, really thinking - changing her opinion and everything. I just felt like I could hear her then. And the second line was great because she is stating a fact. Firm. Strong. Confident. I like that about her!

You told me. Um, so I don't like this line very much. Why does she still, y'know, trust him? It shows how much she still trusts him... and that doesn't make much sense for me.

And I know that it wasn't just me who felt it. You're just one of those guys who moves on fast. I wish I could have moved on that fast.

So, I'll break it up to make it easier to understand:

First line: Again, confident. You're letting the reader get to know the character, and you're doing it very nicely!

Second line: It doesn't sound like an excuse. I love that about this line. It's not bitter, and it's not mocking, and it's just... the truth. I like that Emma isn't making up any excuses for this guy. She's stating things like they are.

Third line: EMOTION! Finally!!! I can almost hear the yearning in her voice for just that. She's wishing something! As readers, we get a glimpse of what's happening with Emma right now, and that's absolutely terrific!

You know, there were some times where I thought: "Maybe I should just end this, we hardly see each other. All we can do is have those phone conversations for hours."

So, yeah, I'm not really liking this. But that's just because I'm surprised! You're giving a good, solid background to the story, which is absolutely terrific - light is shed on the entire situation. So THIS is what happened. It wasn't perfect. They weren't a cheesy, lovey-dovey couple - they had their problems, and what problems at that! I imagined them perfect. I thought that that is why Emma was hurt! If things were rocky, it's hard for me to imagine why she was so surprised... but then again, she did like him a lot, so that makes sense. It's good that you're giving a background. I just didn't relate to it, personally. (Um, sorry if I'm a bit harsh, I definitely don't mean to hurt your feelings!)

But I didn't listen. Because I knew that I really liked you. You made me feel special, Mason. I hope you know that. And I seriously hope that it wasn't just a stupid lie.

Again, breaking it up:
So, just a tiny comment on the discolored part - it's not that I hated it or anything, it's just a statement, so I can't love it or hate it.
Okay, line one - it shows how in tune Emma is with herself. She's calculated. This whole relationship was not a whim, she thought it over. She's stable. I love it! See how much you can show the reader without having to go to lengths?

Second line: I like that she addresses Mason in person. I like how even when she says this supposedly cheesy line, it feels serious, as if she's talking to him directly, and not... complaining, like in all the other letters I was talking about. She isn't miserable, or petty, or pityful. She's strong, and serious about this. She isn't whiny.

Third line: The I hope you know that adds to the emotion of the piece, yet without sounding bitter, and without sounding like she's letting Mason off the hook. It's a wonderful line.

Line four. I like it... feels like I just got to know Emma a bit more. She sounds like a teenager here. Still strong. I like it.

The third paragraph is perfect! I loved it so much!

The fourth really ruined it for me. Emma was bitter, and mean, and not in control, like she had been before. She hadn't forgiven him, she was still pissed off as ever, and rubbing it in his face. The whole, "Oh, I can get by without you!" show, but not just that - she just rubs it in, in a manner that I never thought she was capable of. "And honestly, I have never felt better" just seems so fake. If you have never felt so better, then why are you still mad? Why must you write this letter, talk it over, get worked up? The fifth paragrapgh does explain the letter itself. Not this part.
"Not going to think another minute about you"? (I know it's not precisely how it went, but you get the point.) Really? That sounds mad and hurt and upset. Not accepting. Not moving forward.
I just don't feel like the entire paragraph is needed.
Oh, and "guess what" really should have a question mark. I know it tiny, but it sort of bugged me while reading.
Anger does, in fact, make sense at this point. Of course she'd be mad at him! The guy was a total jerk! But not like this. Flat out accusations, maybe, something direct and unrelenting, that's what I think fits Emma's character as I understand it - not going around and rubbing salt into old wounds. Not being pissed off and keeping her mouth shut ecxept for these tiny taunts.
But she's your character, and you understand her better than I do. Maybe she's just a teenager who was in love and was hurt, you know? It's only natural for her to want to move on so badly, yet at the same time to rub it in Mason's face.

Fifth paragraph - terrific.

I like the sixth one a lot too. "breaking every girl's heart", nitpick.

I adore this ending. She's strong, and she's showing it. I love it!!!

Alright, so, all in all, I really, really like this piece! Good work! If you have any questions or anything, feel free to ask me!!! I hope this helped some!

-RedHead