Your Love's Knife

Spoiler

Here's my first ever song collaboration with my good friend, Dina Darling! I wrote the 1st verse and chorus, while she wrote the 2nd verse and bridge! This will eventually become an actual song

(Verse One)

I know that sometimes you and I,
Are bitter,
Just like a cold winter chill;
But boy I want you to know,
That in the end,
I’ll always show.
‘Cause I need you just like a pill
(Oh yeah)
Just like a pill...

(Chorus)

So don’t leave me here!
Don’t say farewell!
Don’t turn your back,
And break this spell!
Don’t walk away,
And leave my life!
‘Cause you’ve cut me so deeply
(With your)
Your love’s knife…
Your love’s knife…

(Verse Two)

The blade is razor silent
Permanent damage has set in
And as I sit here bleeding sorrow
You could care less what you’ve done
Immune to your bitterness
I keep swallowing down the fix
You’re a twisted addiction
Keeping its claws in me

(Bridge)

Wicked wind blows sideways
Afraid to love
Because the hurt plays tricks
I hate you
I need you
Caught up in your ways
I’m out of my mind
With the sweet pain you’ve caused.

(Chorus)

So don’t leave me here!
Don’t say farewell!
Don’t turn your back,
And break this spell!
Don’t walk away,
And leave my life!
‘Cause you’ve cut me so deeply
(With your)
Your love’s knife…
Your love’s knife…
(Oh yeah)
Your love’s knife…
Your love’s knife.

2011 Vincent Cuccolo & Dina Darling

Hey

I quite liked it and it sounds like it could be a really good song

However;

In the chorus where it says "spell" It makes it seem really cliché and overused and done, and the work loses originality. I would suggest changing that line. Of course, that's just personal opinion.
the other would be, could it seem more begging? Like, "Please don't turn your back" it just adds more depth to the m.c. of it all? This is just my view however.

If you have any questions or would like a more in depth review let me know and i will help.

~Retro Disco666

Wow, this is awesome!! I love the second verse and the bridge because it really brings out the song's meaning and what you are trying to get across. A lot of people would be able to relate to this song. Good job on writing it!!!!!!! Keep on writing!!!!

I'm not exactly a song writer and I'm not good at review poems or songs but I think this is really great. I really like this and it seems like your collaboration worked. You should like record it and put it on here, when you're absolutely finished of course.

That's definitely my plan, unsocialbutterfly!

Well, I like this song and I can really relate to just about everything in the song. The chorus was okay to me and I don't think you should change anything with the chorus. I did kind of have a problem with the word "pill" being used in it because it reminds me of that Pink song...but that's not a huge problem and I'm probably the only person who didn't like that word being used. Other than that it is great.