My Reasons, My Lies, My regrets

*This poem is very delicate to me, and makes me sad to even look at; it took a lot of self-debating for me to share it here*
**I wrote this about a girl who my feelings for constantly and inexplicably changed**

My Reasons, My Lies, My Regrets

I hold this pen tight
As this night changes
What I had once thought,
The urges I fought.

It's not possible,
She was not hostile
And through our troubles
We had both fumbled.

She has now returned,
Now that I am burned,
Crisp and black, weakened,
Is she a beacon?

No, god, no, run now,
I must leave here now,
Feeling returns now,
Plastic smiles now,
Life continues now.

That was touching! I love this poem, you have a awesome talent. You are a amazing poet.
Usually when I reveiw people I tell them the ups and downs of there works. But there's no downs in your work it rocks! Keep up the good work.

I appreciate your kind words, and I promise that many other great poems will follow.

This is the first piece of writing on this site that I saw, and I'm happy to say that I quite enjoyed it!

The opening lines are really great. Immediately, I wanted to know what was going on. Even after I finished the poem, I was still curious about the details. "As this night changes what I had once thought, the urges I fought..." was really compelling to me. However, "tight" is an adjective, and I think you meant to use an adverb there: tightly. Of course, I think poems grant you a bit more lee-way with things like that.

I liked the rhyme scheme, but it sort of confused me too. Most of the lines rhyme with the next line, but some don't. The parts that did rhyme flowed pretty nicely.

"She has now returned,
Now that I am burned"

The two "now"s don't really flow as nicely as the rest.

I also really loved the last few lines, particularly the last three. They really set the mood, and "Life continues now" are perfect last words. It shows (I think) that you still need to live, even if this girl has turned your world upside down by returning, and even if you need to fake your smiles.

Overall, I really liked it!

Great poem, all in all.
Though I don't know you, I am quite proud of you for having the guts to post it on here.

On a more related note, the third stanza seemed a tad off beat with the rest of the poem. I had a nice rhythm while reading it, and stumbled during the third stanza. I think lukasagitta hit the nail on what I couldn't quite figure out.

Change that up just a tad bit, and this will be an exceptional poem.

Hope to help,
FragmentsOfSorrow

Your poem was really good. Just one thing I'd like to mention is that, the rhyme scheme could have been better. Maybe you had no intention to rhyme but in some places you have. So, you know, a poem sounds good when either the whole of it rhymes or none of it does. So, that was just a suggestion. Otherwise, your poem was fantastic. Keep up the good work.

Thank you everyone for your help in making this better, but I doubt I'll edit this one or the original on paper (cause I'll probably shred it soon and never look at it again).

I'm glad that all you people took the time to read this and critique it.