Wow. I think you've finally nailed it. This has the same feeling that attracted me to your poetry in the first place. My own plea is to use a BIT more puncuation, especially since you have all those "oh"s in there.
This was sad. This made me sad. It was good... but sad. Why am I so sad now?
The last line really depressed me... well, to the extent of a poets depressionistic mind... but... Brad... Jesus, this was pretty damn good!
Yeah, a bit more punctuation but it's not like we're asking you to comma every single line (most of them are already comma'd)
