Your Pride

All I want is your pride,
for you to look and say wow.
All I want is your pride,
and maybe I'll do better.

Can't you see I'm trying,
but it's still not good enough for you.
Endless endeavors, meaningless,
If you won't even acknowledge my work.

Though you tell me great,
a smile on your face,
I still wonder,
If there's something else hiding underneath

I hear you sighing
after telling me about a kid
who is better than me.

All I want is just your pride,
I'll never be good at everything.
I'll never be that other kid,
so please just be proud of who I am.

Hey PeachyTurtle! This poem was really touching, thank you. I really felt able to connect to the feelings you were conveying. It is, however, a little awkwardly worded throughout.

FIRST STANZA:
The second line confused me; I thought you were saying you wanted _yourself_ to "be able to look and say wow" when I first read it. You could perhaps change it to
"for you to look and say wow"
Also, I don't understand how the last line of the stanza fits into it. Are you saying you'll do better once you obtain the subject's pride? If that's the case, wouldn't that go against the idea of "I'm trying as hard as I can but you're still not proud of me" which is present through the rest of the poem?

SECOND STANZA:
The two lines together don't make much sense. I think that either 1. the subject can see that the speaker is trying, but it still isn't good enough, or 2. the subject can't see that the speaker's trying, and that's _why_ it isn't good enough for them. Do you get what I'm saying?

THIRD STANZA:
This is generally good as far as I'm concerned, but the last line is a bit confusing. It sounds like the speaker is wondering is there is more pride underneath than the subject is conveying, which I don't think is what you're trying to get across. If, as I assumed, you mean that the smiles and positivity are a mask for underlying disapproval, then it would perhaps make more sense to say
"but I wonder if there's something else hiding underneath"

FOURTH AND FIFTH STANZA- I actually can't find anything to moan about here. :L

The overall rhythm structure is pretty erratic, but there's probably not a lot you can do about that.

That's about everything. Just a very honest expression of something we all feel. Best of luck with any rewrites.

I'm not going to go into great detail like Copsonator, I'm not patient enough with myself to review it that thoroughly. Instead, I'll tell you simply how I felt about this work.

In the first & second stanza, the lines really touched me. I was instantly connected with someone I know, and reminded of how sorely I treated her (from her point of view).

In the third stanza, you can really feel how the woman doubts her significance, asking herself what's left to be said. It really puts you in her place; I like that.

The fourth and fifth are touching, like the first two.

Also, I understand what you mean by:
"All I want is your pride,
and maybe I'll do better."
You're stating that without his help, without his encouragement, you won't do any better.

Overall, this poem was very touching and a pleasure to read.

I loved this poem. It was very touching and considers a subject that more people go through then you think: Someone wishing an adult was proud of them. Unlike the other two, I really didn't find anything wrong with it. I like how you conveyed the message that if the adult was proud of you you would try harder and do better. Very nice. Keep writing.

I love it so much. Its sad and touching but also your poem has a perfect sense of independence. I love your poem.. and keep writing!!!

This is an okay poem to me with a true meaning behind it. I can't even tell you how much I actually relate to this but the ending is a little bit of a let down for me. Still, it was a deep piece to me and I really liked it. Keep writing