Trouble, My Favorite (Chapter 3: Remembering) and Chapter 4

............If there are any errors, I am sorry. It's really late and I'm not paying close attention to my typing skills at the moment. Enjoy anyways. Please review...you guys help me out a lot when you do.





When my mother and father died I was a wreck, as any child would be. Then I began to have the nightmares. Since August of 2008, I have been creating a second life to fill in the empty spaces. As crazy as it may seem, this whole other life is filled with all my secrets, fears, and regrets all hidden within the people and places here in my mind. Until now, I never payed attention to it, probably didn't even realize I was doing it.

Now, my two worlds were colliding and I could no longer tell if I was dreaming or awake. I don't remember doing either one, but one had to be occuring. Right?

And then I felt queezy, once again. I smelled of blood. As if I had bathed in it. My mouth watered, and my hands turned clammy. I felt my temperature rise and that's about when I threw up...a lot. Although the darkness faded most colors, I could see that there was a hint of red in my vomit. Along with my breakfast, I spit up blood. I could barely taste it, but now I knew I was awake.

"Ugh!" I shout out in disgust. What was I doing? Now was when I actually needed to get up and find my way to the door. For the first time, I notice that I have been sitting in a chair. How could I not notice that? I gently stand up, my body aches all over. I start towards the door, it feels like as if it is a mile away, but once I see the light seeping through I run towards it. Somehow, I manage to find the handle and get a good grip on it. The handle is so cold I'm afraid my hand will get stuck to it. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I yank on the handle. Nothing. I fall to the ground and scream, beating on the steel door until my fists begin to bleed. After doing this for as long as I can possibly stand, I lay on the floor and run my fingers through the puddle of crimson blood that has formed by my feet. It's cold and sticky. I'm losing blood very quickly and starting to feel extremely light-headed. And then I passed out. It was as simple as that. Nothing more than a bleeding human being passing out. However, I was dreaming. Only this time, in my dream I am free. I watch as this time, I stand up from the ground and the door opens. A bright light comes into view and I am awakened by a familiar voice.

Chapter 4: Living

"Ahh...There she is. Nice to see you again." I squint until I am able to fully see. I pear around the room; plain curtains, white walls and shiny tiled floors, hospital beds side by side in a row of two or three. How the hell did I end up in a hospital?

"You have got to be kidding me!" I yell, abruptly sitting up. The arm of my brother gently pushes me back.

"Stay down before you screw up those needles." I look down, several IV's hang from my arms.

"Jake, you're alive!" He laughs and looks at me as if I've gone mad and lost my head all together. Not possible, of course because we both know I am not crazy. Jacob staring at me like that actually makes me quite uncomforatable, but I do not say this out loud. He just keeps looking at me with those aqua blue eyes. But then he looks away for a moment before replying.

"Yes, where else would I be?"

I think for a minute. And think. And think.

"Jacob, I had the craziest dream. Only it wasn't all a dream. I was at this warehouse an-and I couldn't find my way out." I explain.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Becca?" He is almost yelling. The concerened kind of yelling.

"The warehouse!" I am yelling now. He knows exactly what I am talking about. Or, does he really have no clue?

"We're at the hospital, okay?"

"No, I'm not talking about that!" I scream, "The warehouse!"

"Doctor!" Jake yells, pushing a button on the bedside table several times until two nurses come in and grab hold of me.

"Miss, you need to calm down." One of them says to me. Looking at Jacob, she informs him that Dr. West will be in shortly. When she leaves, Jake takes my hand in his.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I guess so. What are we doing here anyway?"

"Rebecca," he starts, "a week ago when you locked yourself in your room after we found out about your cutting, you fell asleep."

"I know, Jake. And when I woke up I was in the warehouse." I said with a devilish grin.

"No, you didn't. Anyway, when I went to check on you, I called your name over and over but I never got an answer. I had to kick down the door just to get in. You were lying on the floor clutching a picture of mom and dad in your arms. You were all bloody and wouldn't respond so I drove you to the hospital."

"Wait. Did you say a week ago?"

"Yeah."

"No...it can't be! It hasn't been more than a day!"

"They've had you so drugged up on medication that you've pretty much been in a coma."

"Shit! But what about the--?"

"Forget about the warehouse. If you calm down and let me finish, maybe then you'll understand."

"Fine!" I shout, crossing my arms and pouting. I didn't care what he had to say. How dare he tell me to forget about the warehouse. Whether or not it was real to him, that building meant something to me and he shoudl respect it. I hated Jacob right now. I wanted to stick one of the IV's into his neck and watch him suffer. And yet, I kept my lips sealed and listened like the good girl wanted me to be.

"You've been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. That's why you have been having these dreams for God only knows how long. You're hallucinating."

I knew it! This was the worst feeling ever. Knowing that something was wrong with you and there wasn't much you could do to help it. You would need years of professional help to get over it. I had this disease and I didn't even know it. How foolish of me? If only I had looked for help years ago. It was all so normal for me though, and I loved my second life I had imagined all on my own. It was something I was proud of and something I feared at the same time. And now...now someone was going to take it all from me. Goodbye, little world.

**I am sorry that when I write it is always so short. I will be sure the next time I write, it will include at least 3 chapters. For now, here are 2 more. Enjoy! There is more to come soon. Thanks everyone, good night!! I will post more tomorrow, I swear. -- JasperSkye

Great job! Before i get to the heart of the story, I'll just point out a few mistakes.
1) You say "Now, my two world were colliding". I believe you want 'worlds' instead of 'word'

2) You have a sentence "Simple as that.". While it goes with the informal way of speaking that your story has (I like it), it's a fragmented sentence that is hard on the eyes for me. What if you tried "It was as simple as that" or "It was that simple"?

3) "Were at the hospital, okay?" - I think the correct form is 'We're". Yep, I'm a grammar nazi .

4) "No, I'm not talking about that?" The '?' should be a '!' I believe.

5) "a week ago when you locked yourself in your room after we fought about your cutting" - You mean found out, right?

6) "You're hallucinating." I knew it!" This is just my preference here, it might not be correct, but I would like "I knew it!" to be in a new paragraph. Its hard to make the switch from her brother talking to her thoughts when they are so close to each other.

7) I think I saw a couple of tense shifts in there, you say "This was the worst feeling ever!" which is past tense and you say "I scream" which is present, but you also say "I said" which is past again.

I really like the story and how vividly you tell it. As you said, it is late and none of us are typing too well. I can't wait to read the next chapters!

This is awesome babe I love it. I know I didn't do much but you're welcome. I love you <3 (I'm pretty sure you know who this is but why not sign.) (x

-Anthony James

P.S.- I Love You... <3

ANNNNTHONY!! You're silly, but I love you too.

Hello once again, Jasper!

Sorry it's a little late. I figured since it was already put off by a couple days, I'd wait for Review Day! I'll be surprised if I can keep up with how quickly you're posting. XD I apologize ahead of time if I forget to review your next chapter. Just poke me or something, and hopefully your other readers won't fall behind either!

Anyhoot, I'm going to take this a chapter at a time!

Chapter 3

You've got lots of detail in this chapter! It's quite brilliant to see the image you have in your mind. You tell it very well, and I can see very clearly what's happening!

The only thing I don't quite see is how the MC feels about it all. She feels lightheaded sometimes, and I think she was panicked too, but it wasn't shown as clearly as it could've been. Now's your chance to capture some sympathy from the reader. Make them feel sorry for her! Otherwise, they'll think this dream is nothing. It's a piece of cake. That's what it feels like right now 'cause the MC doesn't seem to care about it. It also doesn't quite sound like she knows it's a dream and knows, without any fear at all, that things will be alright (since it's all just a dream, of course). Draw some connection between the reader and the MC, depending on how the MC would react to something like this. Otherwise, the reader won't care. D:

Chapter 4

**Eep! There's a swear word in here, so I took the liberty of cranking up the rating to +16 for you. Watch out for that! **

There were a couple things that came to mind when I read this, but in general, it was an interesting turn! It never occurred to me she'd have a psychological disorder, but that's probably the fantasy-reader in me. xD Make sure you're doing the proper research so as to understand schizophrenia! Though I think only a therapist or some psychologist can make such a diagnosis. Accurately, anyway. In fact, while I don't have any experience with the disease, her reaction to the news was very good. Especially for her. xD She seems to be high-tempered: she'll shout at her caring brother with ease, but she's okay with having schizophrenia. *flail* It didn't quite add up right in my head.

But the only other thing in this chapter is how she keeps yelling. She *just* woke up from a week-long nap and she has the energy to shout at her brother without even a calm discussion at first. Jumped from quiet, lazy speech into the yelling and the screaming right away. When Jake did it, I was just irritated at him. When she did it, I was all D: .This is what I mean:

"Yes, where else would I be?" <== calm, cool, collected

I think for a minute. And think. And think.

"Jacob, I had the craziest dream. Only it wasn't all a dream. I was at this warehouse an-and I couldn't find my way out." I explain. <== calm, cool, collected

"What on Earth are you talking about, Becca?" He is almost yelling. The concerened kind of yelling. <== EPIC SHOUTING FLAIL WAR OMG

"The warehouse!" I am yelling now. He knows exactly what I am talking about. Or, does he really have no clue? <== EPIC SHOUTING FLAIL WAR OMG

Maybe she's just that kind of person? I remembered her to always be more independent though, keeping those feelings to herself. If she were to explode, she'd probably be more awake then probably get really, really annoyed. I didn't see any reason why Jake would just start yelling though. It's been an entire week since he's spoken to her. I think he'd show a little more care? Also, Jake was real quick in pressing the button for help, but that kinda sounded like him. While he tries to care for her, he just doesn't have the willpower or patience to care for her completely. It was kinda cool, so if that was your intent with that move, then yay!

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So those are my thoughts. I'm interested in the next part though. Like I said, the whole shizophrenia thing was new to me. I predict there's more to it than that, of course. But it's an interesting turn of events! Don't worry about having short chapters. As long as the chapter breaks make sense, who cares? One of my favorite book series has chapters that are only 1-5 pages long! Length doesn't matter. It's the content that does.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!