Phantom of the Opera Poem

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So, my sister wrote this and wants to show it in our county fair. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to review it by Saturday so she can make it the best that she can make it? I may set up an account on here for her, but for now I thought I'd just post this. (Kate, in the background, about me setting up an account for her: OOOH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!

Anyway, the poem uses titles of songs from "Phantom of the Opera," just so you know - that's on purpose, and hence the name. If you could leave reviews/comments down here for me, I'll be sure to pass them on, and we'd appreciate it. Thanks!

~Blue & Kate


As the violinist pulls his bow across my heart,
the angel of music masquerades inside my mind
and my fears dance with the phantom.

I walk across the floor,
twisted every way with sadness.

I take my seat and dream,
wishing you were somehow here again,
but you think of me no more.

I have passed the point of no return.
I have been enveloped by madness.




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Well...Your sister did a very good job on the poem. I love the "I have been enveloped by madness" part. As for making her an account, make it. I would love to see more poems from her. Her poem was twisted in a way that made it amazing. Good work. :)
..::JASPERSKYE::..




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Hi-ya!!! First off- I'm a huge phantom of the opera fan!! Absolutely love it!
Anyway! Your sister has got amazing writing talent! I would definitely enter it in the fair! Truly amazing work! It read very smoothly and never felt forced at all. I can't pick just one part that's my favorite because I'm in love with every line! Fantastic images and I live how she included the songs in it!
Brilliant first line!
Word of advice from one writer to another: never ever stop writing. Seriously. You've got amazing talent Kate right? Truly, no joke, no sugar coat or glossy cover- you have a gift-let it shine!
Fill me in when you get the results from the fair!!
Best of luck and eternal happiness,
Butterfinger
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.




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Locked! Her sister got to post it herself on this thread! Post reviews there. =]
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)