unspoken

From the words of a monster I hate you,
From the eyes of a winner who makes it through.
From the person you love I wish you where never born,
It takes more than rain to make a storm.
From the words of a monster I need you,
From the eyes of a winner who will always loose.
Here I stand the winner, the winner who didn’t deserve,
The trophies or ribbons congratulations here’s you freaking award.

This fell a bit short of my expectations after reading Ace of Thieves but it was still good in its own way.

WRITINGNEON wrote:From the words of a monster i caps hate you,
From the eyes of a winner who makes it through.
From the person you love i wish you where never born,
it takes more than rain to make a storm.
From the words of a monster i need you,
From the eyes of a winner who will always loose.
Here i stand the winner, the winnermight want to take the second "the winner" outr who didnt deserve,
the trophys trophiesor ribbons congradulations watch your spellingheres you(r) fucking I know you already told us that you were going to use strong language and I should have been ready for it but I wasn't. This was almost like a train being derailed, it threw the poem way off course. And at the last two words, like finishing a great symphony with a flat note. I really think you should take it out. It gives the opposite effect I think you were going for.award.

I wasn't really feeling this one, maybe it's just me. Eh, don't let that get you down! I love your work and hope to keep seeing more, good or bad, that's how we become the best!

Pm with questions,
Veritas

This poem was pretty short. Some things disrupted the flow. And I guess I will show you what happened:

From the words of a monster i capitalize the Ihate you,
From the eyes of a winner who makes it through.
From the person you love iagain CAPITALIZE!!! wish you where never born,
it takes more than rain to make a storm.I loved this verse
From the words of a monster iAGAIN CAPITALIZE!!! need you,
From the eyes of a winner who will always loose.spelling! it's lose
Here i capitalizestand the winner, the winner who didnt apostrophe in between the n and t in didn'tdeserve,
the trophys or ribbons congradulations heres you fucking award.hmm, well you could have put something else. this is the verse that certainly disrupts the flow

So very good poem, but work on your flow a bit more.

From the words of a monster I hate you,
From the eyes of a winner who makes it through. I don't get this line.
From the person you love I wish you where never born,
It takes more than rain to make a storm. Kind of cliche.
From the words of a monster I need you,
From the eyes of a winner who will always loose. I still don't get this.
Here I stand the winner, the winner who didn’t deserve,
The trophies or ribbons congratulations here’s you freaking award. I also don't get there last two lines.

OK, so I don't know what this poem is about, but some of the lines also don't make any real sense. It seems like you were writing down a stream of consciousness? That's alright, just clean it up now. I really have no idea what your poem is about. Make it clearer for us and I would give it another read. Right now it's kind of hard to review. Good luck!

I really like this I think my favorite line is "It takes more than rain to make a storm." Well anyway I'm sorry this isn't really a review, but I really like this so keep writing

I don't really get what the title had to do with the content of this piece... I still find it being an interesting read, it had it's flaws and faults whereas it lacked imagery at times and was bit too forwarding. I feel like it came to an end to quickly, and the ending didn't even make sense. Every line for them selves were good, but as a whole it got messy and confusing. You said "It takes more than rain to make a storm" that's a great line, I really liked it, it was quite amazing actually... but what did it come from, why is it there.. it didn't cope well with either the line above or the line below

Also, the last line was a bit too long and disrupted the flow, and their should be an R on the you on that line

Overall, spice this up, but more imagery and express everything the narrator is feeling, and most important; WHY. As it is, you speak of hatred, but why? You speak of winners and looses and thropies and stuff... what's the price? Also, I think at times it sounded like the narrator was the winner but at the last line it seemed like the opposite.. you will want to clarify this.. Oh now, I was gonna summon this up when I said overall.. but I'll say it again. Overall, this is good, but it has potential to be much better!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness