Tolerance

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A series of haiku, I'd love to know what you think! Punctuation is a bit out of wack, I'm aware, feel free to correct me! And ask away is you have questions because I've found lately that a lot of my writing doesn't make sense (except in my head XD)


Tolerance, they said
I had to learn tolerance
It does not exist.


They become angry
I do not understand why
What have I done wrong?


I have become bold
I no longer fear their words
Tolerance! they scream


"And what about you,
Will you not tolerate me?"
They seem not to hear.


Tolerance, they said
I had to learn tolerance
It does not exist
The words you write reflect your soul. Make every word count.




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I liked that. I, personally, am not a poetry person by trade per say. I do novels more, but I saw your poem and thought I'd give critiquing it a go. First of all, I must say that, if I understand the meaning of your poem correctly, I agree one hundred percent. This poem really speaks to me and I know what you're going through in the thought process because I've been there myself. I must say the part where you said, '"And what about you, Will you not tolerate me?" They seem not to hear," are my thoughts on the subject exactly.
Now in the way of critique, this is very picky and it could be an artistic choice. In many of your stanzas, you don't put punctuation at the end of lines, even though voice and normal writing would dictate that punctuation should be used. For example, after the first line of you poem, despite not using quotes, it seems to be going into a dialogue of sorts. Usually a coma would precede the dialogue, therefore coming immediately following the words said. This, however, is entirely artistically up to you, that's the beauty of poetry.
Finally, even though I'm sure you don't want to change your poem in very many ways, I do have one question about the poem that I feel is unclear in the present writing, that you might choose to muse about adding a hinting to. I am unclear whom this poem is directed to. Is it directed to a friend, or a group? Humans in general, a political power? Or is it just a thought that didn't really have an intended target? I personally feel the total impact could be stronger, if tastefully added, a bit that hints to the voice behind the dialogue. Though, like I said, these revisions ideas are entirely up to you and your artistic thoughts on matter.
That's all I have to say, but to end on a high note, that was one of the better poems I've read. This applies very thoroughly to our society today, and I feel like it is an important factor in what every one is feeling. Overall, I loved the piece, keep writing such inspiring works.
peace be the journey




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In general, your piece was really nice - I've personally never been one for haikus, but it's honestly quite good in fact, even though I think it got a little repetitive. Towards the last two haikus, it felt like you were forcing yourself to write, even though you'd ran out of ideas. A lovely theme though, and one that I think everyone needs to identify with.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.




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This is pretty good, I like how it is written. It's very relatable, I'm pretty sure at one point or another, someone has had the idea of tolerance forced upon them, and that kind of defies the definition of tolerance itself. But I don't think that tolerance doesn't exist, it's just something people shouldn't strive for.
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." ~Harvey Fierstein




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Hellouu! Demoness here to give you a review! :)

This is a good one, it's got a great flow and is both easy to read and relate to. I think you have a great idea but that it could be improved. For one, you use puntuation on only some of your stanzas while you skip it one others - stick to one way of writing and I personally prefer the ones WITH dots and commas :) Also, I think if you made your stanzas more alive, used more descriptions and imagery the poem would become more alive and the message would be clearer. Overall I enjoyed reading this and can really relate... the frustration when someone tells you to follow a certain path but then refuses to do so themselves... frustrating.

Therefore, this is my favorite stanza because by adding this one-person-against-the-crowd-dialouge you managed to get the message through completely. Loved it!

"And what about you,
Will you not tolerate me?"
They seem not to hear."

So.. with a few adjustments and even without them this was a great piece and I'm glad to have read it. Thank you!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost



Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala