I'm Sorry

Hey, I would start this letter off with Dear you, but I don't want to. I don't have much to say, and I don't know what I want to say.
I miss you, and maybe I'm sorry it turned out this way. Yeah we went through a lot and yeah we haven't always gotten along. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I made you hurt so much. And yeah I'm sorry that up until now I never told you how much I love you. I don't know if you're crying right now reading this, or if you even bothered to open this. And I don't know if it hurts you to read this as much as it hurts me to write it.
But if I don't say it now I will never get it out. I'm sorry I was a disappointment, and I'm sorry I wasn't tough enough to endure this life. And I'm sorry I wasn't like everybody else, and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut or take things the way they were. And I'm sorry I asked so many questions, and stressed you out most of the time. So yeah I'm sorry I wasn't the best at everything I did, and I'm sorry I was such a smartass when we were together
I know they're isn't much you can brag about when it comes to me. I'm sorry I don't and haven't always made you proud. And I'm sorry that I have to be sorry so much. I'm sorry that maybe you won't ever get this letter, because I'm too much of a coward to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry..... and I'm glad I decided to write this letter instead of telling you this face to face because I know like you do that I'm not strong enough.
So I think that's it... One day maybe you'll read this, and maybe you'll care enough or miss me enough to cry too. And maybe then we could start over. Maybe then I could show you I'm not a failure, and maybe then you could listen to me and see that maybe I'm special.
Maybe one day I might find someone to love me, and maybe you'll approve of him like you approved of David and Lanisha. And maybe I could give you grandkids, and maybe then you would look at them and smile because they reminded you of me. And maybe then we could do all the things you wanted to do but I was too stubborn or rebellious to do them.
..............I'm sorry, and more than anything I love you daddy. And maybe that's why this hurts so much.
But I love you, and that's all that matters
~Ashley~

Hm. Well my review might be a spoiler if you're another reviewer, in the event I'm right about all this. Which isn't often. :p But, anyways. Onto my review. So I first read your review on "Firework." So first off, I've also noticed that these two posts were your only two posts on the site so far, so welcome to YWS. (I'm not touching this paragraph anymore so it may seem out of place in the review if my thoughts change in the following paragraphs)

Now I had to read this twice. At first I thought it was the practical breakup letter. Then, I realized that it was to a father. So good job there. Though, when I read this the second time, it stood out to me as a suicide letter. However, after rereading it a third time, I saw this:

Maybe one day I might find someone to love me, and maybe you'll approve of him like you approved of David and Lanisha. And maybe I could give you grandkids, and maybe then you would look at them and smile because they reminded you of me. And maybe then we could do all the things you wanted to do but I was too stubborn or rebellious to do them.

That makes this seem really out of place. What is this? It well fits the persona of a young-adult/child, however I'm lost in the fact that you/they couldn't be a runaway if you/they planned on starting over with the father. And if you/they killed themselves, or was planning to, how could you start over in a physical relationship with babies(the grandkids), and all the er...shabang? That's just the topic conflict I had.

Now the nitpick:
".............I'm"
That bothered me. It's seems a childish act in writing, kind-of-thing. Shorten it to "...", that seams more "mature" if you know what I mean.

Overall, great work and keep writing. If you make any changes I'd love to know; and welcome to YWS, again. My review didn't have a nice gliding stop, but oh well. I got out what I wanted to say. :p Good luck

--Skis

PS: I'm not sure if this really belongs in dramatic poetry, necessarily.

This was very nice. I haven't seen anything like it on YWS, so it was refreshing from all of the sob romance stories between lovers and such. The "sorry's" were repetitive, but I think that was okay. And I could feel the hurt in the narrator's voice, but I feel there could have been more imagery and emotion, for it felt flat in some places.

Hey, I would start this letter off with "Dear You," but I don't want to. I don't have much to say, and I don't know what I want to say.
I miss you, and maybe I'm sorry it turned out this way. Yeah, we went through a lot and yeah, we haven't always gotten along. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I made you hurt so much. And yeah, I'm sorry that, up until now, I never told you how much I love you. I don't know if you're crying right now while reading this, or if you even bothered to open this. And I don't know if it hurts you to read this as much as it hurts me to write it.
But if I don't say it now I will never get it out. I'm sorry I was a disappointment, and I'm sorry I wasn't tough enough to endure this life. And I'm sorry I wasn't like everybody else, and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut or take things the way they were. And I'm sorry I asked so many questions, and stressed you out most of the time. So yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't the best at everything I did, and I'm sorry I was such a smartass when we were together.
I know there isn't much you can brag about when it comes to me. I'm sorry that I don't and haven't always made you proud. And I'm sorry that I have to be sorry so much. I'm sorry that maybe you won't ever get this letter, because I'm too much of a coward to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry..... and I'm glad I decided to write this letter instead of telling you this face to face, because I know like you do that I'm not strong enough.
So I think that's it... Maybe one day you'll read this, and maybe you'll care enough or miss me enough to cry too. And maybe then we could start over. Maybe then I could show you I'm not a failure, and maybe then you could listen to me and see that maybe I'm special.
Maybe one day I might find someone to love me, and maybe you'll approve of him like you approved of David and Lanisha. And maybe I could give you grandkids, and maybe then you would look at them and smile because they reminded you of me. And maybe then we could do all the things you wanted to do, but I was too stubborn or rebellious to do them.
..............I'm sorry, and more than anything, I love you daddy. And maybe that's why this hurts so much.
But I love you, and that's all that matters
~Ashley~

Punctuation really.
But this is very good!

I'm too lazy to review right now, but I'm curious. Is this a runaway letter? It came off to me at first as a suicide note.

Hey, I would start this letter off with Dear you, but I don't want to. I don't have much to say, and I don't know what I want to say.
I miss you, and maybe I'm sorry it turned out this way. Yeah we went through a lot and yeah we haven't always gotten along. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I made you hurt so much. And yeah I'm sorry that up until now I never told you how much I love you. I don't know if you're crying right now reading this, or if you even bothered to open this. And I don't know if it hurts you to read this as much as it hurts me to write it.
But if I don't say it now I will never get it out. I'm sorry I was a disappointment, and I'm sorry I wasn't tough enough to endure this life. And I'm sorry I wasn't like everybody else, and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut or take things the way they were. And I'm sorry I asked so many questions, and stressed you out most of the time. So yeah I'm sorry I wasn't the best at everything I did, and I'm sorry I was such a smartass when we were together
I know they're isn't much you can brag about when it comes to me. I'm sorry I don't and haven't always made you proud. And I'm sorry that I have to be sorry so much. I'm sorry that maybe you won't ever get this letter, because I'm too much of a coward to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry..... and I'm glad I decided to write this letter instead of telling you this face to face because I know like you do that I'm not strong enough.
So I think that's it... One day maybe you'll read this, and maybe you'll care enough or miss me enough to cry too. And maybe then we could start over. Maybe then I could show you I'm not a failure, and maybe then you could listen to me and see that maybe I'm special.
Maybe one day I might find someone to love me, and maybe you'll approve of him like you approved of David and Lanisha. And maybe I could give you grandkids, and maybe then you would look at them and smile because they reminded you of me. And maybe then we could do all the things you wanted to do but I was too stubborn or rebellious to do them.
..............I'm sorry, and more than anything I love you daddy. And maybe that's why this hurts so much.
But I love you, and that's all that matters
~Ashley~

Razcoon wrote:I'm too lazy to review right now, but I'm curious. Is this a runaway letter? It came off to me at first as a suicide note.

No this isn't a runaway letter or a suicide note. It's just a letter I wrote to my dad a couple years ago and was too afraid to give him. I'm sorry if it was confusing, at the time I was just rambling.