Searching For You

I put on my makeup
I laughed with my friends
I felt carefree
But I saw no you

I prayed
I hoped
I crossed my fingers
But I saw no you

I gave up
I let the makeup get cakey
I felt alone, and just then
I found you.

Hi there! I liked this, it was short and sweet, slightly sad and profound! However, I think that you can expand this into something that really brings the message youre trying to convey across in a MORE profound way. I dont know why but I read it very quickly and ended up missing the enitre point.
But otherwise very well done it was very nice! Keep it up!

Oh and by the way I love your signature

Hi thecamillecalalas!

To start of with, I'll say that I liked the simplicity of the poem. Although, I did feel as though it's a tiny, tiny bit too simple. I think that the message you were trying to send across could've been sent more meaningfully if you expand on it a little more as PandorasChild has said. In the poem, the story was told. But I think that you could've told the story with a little more impact and depth. I just feel as though the poem wasn't as deep as it could've been.

Also, I feel as though this poem have a sort of moral to it. Or at least, I feel as though it could have some sort of moral, something about keeping hope or not giving up. I think that if you added an extra stanza at the end to explain the moral, it'll be more meaningful and deep. Although this is just a suggestion. I'm not sure if you were going for the moral or not, but that's just my thoughts on it.

Okay, the poem structured correctly and the puncutation looks pretty good. Although I this line sort of looks strange:

I found you.

Well, it doesn't really look strange so much as the full stop looks a bit out of place, since you have no punctuation in the previous stanzas. I think that it's be better if you just left the punctuation out all together. Since the lonely full stops looks kind of... lonely and a bit out of place.

Other than that, I don't think I have any more critiques. The poem was quite short, so there wasn't all that much that I could comment on. But what you've written so far is good. I just think that you could definitely add more depth and meaning to it.

I'm not great when it comes to poetry reviews but I will say there is strength and a nice voice that ties the flow together. I must say the "i saw no you" lines threw me off. I mean they fit the structure of the piece but their actual wording is grammatically wrong so this urks me a bit. Also I do agree that the piece is a fair bit simplistic, which is fine and dandy, many strong pieces use a symplistic setup, but I felt there's more to the piece here that the reader never got that a few extra stanzas really could have helped open up.

That said I actually really liked it. SImple, sweet, not sappy, and a nice end. Well done

Hey, Cam! Wow. This is pretty good. Why haven't you told me about this? Haha. I KNOW when this happened! Haha. Ssshh..

That was short and meaningful. It is seemingly a simple poem but the meaning and feeling that lies beneath it is beautiful and touching. I liked it tons!