Ocean song

Hello artemis15sc,

This is a very good poem, you really created a beautiful setting in which I saw in my mind. In each stanza you expressed a different feeling which made the poem stand out from it's fellow poems. The first stanza really dragged me into reading this poem. It is filled with emotion. Even though it has many stanzas it feels like a long story which I could read over and over again each time feeling the same as I did the fist time I read it.

My favourite part is when you mention the girl the way the sea is her home in a way. The next time you right a poem do it like this one for this is one of the best poems I have read because of the descriptive language. I put it in so you could read it yourself.

a small girl disturbs the scene
yet so familiar is this setting to her
and her to the setting
that she is as much a part of it
as the wind, the seagulls, and the waves

water gently strokes her feet
wind catches her hair
she breathes the salt air, the sunlight
and absorbs the generous warmth offering
of the sand

I found one small mistake that has been underlined and put in red below.

Yet their is a calmness, in the steadiness
the endlessly repeating pattern

When I read this poem I felt you wrote it when at the beach or somthing like that but it wasnt it was the pride you presented in this stunning poem.

From CuteJackRussell

I am loving this poem more and more, every time I read it. I like the part when you introduce the girl in the setting. I can just feel everything about the beach scene. It's very vivid and you used a lot of figurative language. It was REALLY good and I would love to hear more of your fantastic poetry. Keep writing!

This is beautiful, and I really hope my sister (the other contest judge) likes it! This was so powerful, yet still peaceful. It took me back to the ocean at dusk, with a storm on the horizon... that is what this did to me. My comments below will be light blue.

The waves crash
Their rhythm constant, a steady beat
spilling out on the shore
a tremor of fury underlying
each pattern of wavesI don't like how you say "waves" twice in the stanza. Try "each pattern of crests" instead, maybe.

Yet there is a calmness, in the steadiness
the endlessly repeating pattern
unbroken, unchanged, dependable
the undying song of the waterI liked this stanza a lot.

And then there is the wind
tangible freedom
unpredictable, chaotic, aimless
yet filled with passion, purpose
harmonious with the ocean songProbably my favorite stanza. So wonderful!

the seagulls too, and their voices
the shrill, stark, coos
calling to the waves
and the waves roaring back

a small girl disturbs the scene
yet so familiar is this setting to her
and her to the setting
that she is as much a part of it
as the wind, the seagulls, and the wavesSo sweet... <3 <3 <3

water gently strokes her feet
wind catches her hair
she breathes the salt air, the sunlight
and absorbs the generous warmth offering
of the sandThis is my 2nd favorite stanza. It sounds so... familiar.

the seashore is her home
the wind her whispering friend
the seagulls, her protectors
and the ocean- her lifeVery lovely wording.

she is drawn to it
the power within the waves
the violent passion
the calming stillness
the beautiful contradiction of voices<- This line (with the one under it) is beautiful
creating the song of the sea
her song

for as her thoughts become like the wind
when she becomes one with the waves
then she becomes
just a girl
a girl lost in the waves
lost at sea

I liked the form of this, too. I already said that I love it, so... there is nothing else for me to point out! Never stop writing!