Fireworks

I can respect your views about America's past. Every country has a sordid past, no one can name one country that doesn't have blood staining their soil. But I think you dismiss the good in our Country. For example minorities like African Americans, Chinese, and Native Americans recieve benefits that others don't. There are also scholarships set up especially for them. In America you have the right to bash/slash/trash your own country. In other countries you would be eliminated for such talk. In America we have one of very few standing democracies. It's not a perfect system, but it's also not a dictatorship. You have a choice here. You also have a voice here. That's why I respect your poem, because you truly believe that you've been decieved by the United States. But the history is there, not hidden behind doors or locks or chains. No one said we were perfect. But I'll take those imperfections over the imperfections of the rest of the world any day. You're right about us knowing about our countries past ,though. Everyone who lives here should know about everything from the Rough Riders during the Spanish-American War to the Apache tribe. From George Washington to Bill Clinton. If we learn all of our nation's history, then maybe we can feel more secure when we shape our nation's future. Sorry if I didn't stay on topic, I could talk/type about this stuff for hours : )

I wish that I could say the same about the fireworks, but they were ban in my area due to the drought as a fire-hazard. lol
Again, beautiful poem, nonetheless.

-Jojo

Sorry, but this particular review will not have any critique, Veritas. I loved everything, and found no errors. All this review will contain is what I loved about this short tidbit, so that you may apply it to your other works.

Let's get started:
First off, I thought that what you wrote made a point; it was written for a purpose. This really intrigued me. It made me think about what America--the land of the free--REALLY is. Yes, I've never had suffering that I didn't bring upon myself. But I can't say the same for those past. That's what really got to me. Life isn't always a chocolate-sprinkled donut. Freedom? Forget it.

This is a great poem! I completely agree with it! America's history is so blood stained it's hard to tell what we are celebrating on the 4th of July. Here where I live there was a fireworks ban so I actually didn't really celebrate it.

I'm new to the site, this is the first thing I read & I have to say that I'm literally shaken. I can't say that the 4th of july has had a similar effect on me, but from around third grade to seventh all they taught us was the good things that happened and never the bad. When I did I was livid, and then in the ninth grade we talked about slavery and racism and were shown the movie "A time to kill" and I almost threw up....I have heard people yell about how great America is and how much we have helped but they don't seem to understand the people who were hurt and the millions that died to get us where we are....
sorry for my ramble, but this is without a doubt amazing....especially since there are very few who would have the courage to say it.

Hey Veritas!

So - definitely a controversial piece you've got going here. Unfortunately, I don't feel like your style does justice to the big topic you've decided to tackle. When I first started reading, I was confused - wait a sec, I was thinking, I thought this was a poem, but it reads like prose...?

There's nothing wrong with longer, more complicated lines in poetry, but this doesn't read like a poem to me - it reads like the outline to an essay or a short story. I agree with what the others have said about showing vs. telling. Really expanding on what was so particularly horrifying to you about each of the things you discovered in history class would make this so much more visceral and kill the ho-hum vibe. This a charged topic, so making the writing charged too.

I really enjoyed this poem. It made me look at the Fourth of July in a different way. You really gave the reader another aspect to look from. There is one thing about the poem that I did notice and thought that it could be improved. You say things like, "The fireworks began to lose there charm," and then, boom, you suddenly hate the fireworks. That's a big leap, from just noticing why there celebrating and not respecting that, to hating why there celebrating. If you added a little more disdain into the few lines before the line about hating fireworks, it would work a lot more.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem.

I liked this poem. In school this year i read a novel called "The Absolutely True Diaries of a Part-Time Indian." Talk about a book that will make you cry! It was about a boy that had severe brain damage, and close to no friends on an Indian reservation. Then he goes to a public school off the reservation, and learns that he's growing up around a world of broken dreams on the reservation. The dreams were broken for one reason: they had no money. I feel the same way you do. I love the fireworks, but once I learned about propaganda and how much money goes into presidential elections instead of charity's. I wanted to scream. But, if you think about it, there are still thousands of people climbing through desserts, and traveling thousands of miles to get the freedom that we take for granted.