My Heart does not have Immortality

My heart begs
My mind screams
For me to let go
But that's what you get
From a couple of teens
You'd think that I would know

Through all the pain
And all the fights
My heart is stained
From my cries every night

Day in, day out
Chained to him
Holding onto little bits of joy
While im being torn, limb from limb

Like pen-pals, never meeting
I want to be with you too
My heart is always fleeting,
But my mind knows better than you

Your parents are my nightmare
They hate the site of me
I'm letting you go cause i care
though this, you may not see

As I say 'Goodbye'
And you beg me to stay
A tear dripping slowly from my eye
"I will miss you everyday"

But this is best
Togetherness is a lie
To stay with you would be a mistake
That nether of us can afford to make

I'm leaving for us
'I love you' would be cheating
We're together because of lust
Lust is not what I'm seeking

But now the dream is over
And I've been nocked into reality
I'm running for cover
because my heart does not have immortality

Hello there.
1. You spelled does wrong. Dose= does
2. You need to capitalize the title.
3. There are a lot of small grammatical errors, like leaving an s off of teens and stuff like that.

The set up is really nice here. You have nice clean stanzas that make it easy to read.
Also, I really like the message of this. You're really clear on what you're wanting to get across, its easy to understand.

I think you could definitely improve, maybe go more into detail with emotion. I feel like you're just telling us whats happening instead of making us feel it.

Also, you spelled nocked wrong. Its knocked. With a K.

Overall, I think that this is pretty good. The message and set up are really nice. Its just the grammar that messes it up. Good luck =]

Hey cutie =p! Okay I don't know if you wanted a real review or just small review. So I decided I'll give you a review as if you weren't my best friend xP. It will mostly be pionters of things that would make it flow more or spelling mistakes. Then I'll tell you what I think of the content.

My heart begs
My mind screams
For me to let go
But thats that's what you get
From a couple of teen [b]teens[/b]
You'd think that I would know This is a bit confusing... Think you would know what?

Through all the pain,
And all the fights Fights and night are an almost rhyme cause of the s. For some reason I feel like it would sound better if you wrote Through all the pain, all we do is fight. It might not be what your trying to say though.
My hear heart is stained
From my cries every night I love the part when you say your heart is stained from... Its good imagery.

Day in, day out
Chained to him
Holding onto little bits of joy Love this!
While im I'm being torn, limb from limb

Like Romeo and Juliet This doesn't seem to fit cause so far it doesn't sound anything like Romeo and Juliet. Sounds more like water and oil. They can be together but not really together. You know.
I want to be with you too
My parents are my soul You need a comma here, but also I really don't like this parents are my soul thing. If you said my parents are my conscience that would make more sense.
And my mind knows better than you

Your parents are my nightmare
They hate the site of me Ah, I relate.
I'm letting you go cause i I care
though this, you may not see Make it more defined on why letting them go would help them at all.

As I say 'Goodbye'
And you beg me to stay
A tear dripping slowly from my eye
"I will miss you everyday"

But this is best You could just drop the but, it may sound better.
For you and I
Togetherness is a lie
To stay with you would be a mistake
That nether of us could take

I'm leaving for us
'I love you' would be a lie chose something other than would be a lie, you've already used it.
We're together cause of lust
This we would both deny the poem would flow better if you say however this we both deny. Something along those lines.

But now the dream is over
And I've been nocked Knocked into reality
I'm leaving now
cause my heart dose not have mortality I like the reality line, but mortality doesn't exactly fit. You make it sound like your heart isn't quite human but the poem above shows how you are defiantly human.

Okay! I mostly did my review in the poem, but here I go! I liked the poem and you defiantly told the story well. I've pointed out where it needs work and what lines are good. I hope I helped!

If you have any questions PM me!

- Boo

My heart begs,
My mind screams
For me to let go,
But that's what you get
From a couple of teen
You'd think that I would know.

Through all the pain
And all the fights,
My hear is stained
From my cries of every night. (it sounds better to me with that "of" added there)

Day in, day out,
Chained to him,
Holding onto little bits of joy
While I'm being torn, limb from limb. (Are you sure "from" is the right word? Doesn't "to" work better?

Like Romeo and Juliet,
I want to be with you too.
My parents are my soul,
And my mind knows better than you. -- now this stanza seems to break the poetic idea here...

Your parents are my nightmare;
They hate the sight of me.
I'm letting you go 'cause I care
Although this, you might not see. ("might" works better, because it shows probability, "may" is rather used for giving permission, as in "You may go now.")

As I say 'Goodbye'
And you beg me to stay,
A tear drips slowly from my eye...
"I will miss you everyday!"

But this is best
For you and I.
Togetherness is a lie.
To stay with you would be a mistake
That nether of us could take. -- I like this stanza the best and when you said "togetherness is a lie"

I'm leaving for us;
'I love you' would be a lie.
We're together 'cause of lust--
This we would both deny.

But now the dream is over
And I've been knocked into reality.
I'm leaving now
'cause my heart does not have mortality. -- love the conclusion!

So, all in all, you have a good base for a poem, there are a few mistakes that I pointed out, I'm sure they were done in a hurry.