Finding a home

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 27
Lonely little light begins to shine
Sitting there in the corner
A beaten rag doll sits and waits
With the rest of the toys for an owner to come

Doors open and children fill the room
Running and laughing
Awaiting to choose a new friend
The rag doll hopes to be picked

The time passed, and kids came and went
Picking up bears and brand new toys
While the rag doll sat there
Losing hope that an owner will come.

Soon enough the little rag doll lost hope
Thinking, “They should just throw me
In the fire and end it for me since
I’m just an old beat up rag doll.”

When all seemed lost
The rag doll noticed a little girl
Who sat quietly in the corner
Alone and away from the other children.

Slowly the rag doll went over to her
Avoiding feet and staying out of site
Making his way to the lonely girl
And falling lifeless as he drew close.

A thud was heard
And the little girl looked up
Wondering if anyone else heard
And looked for the cause of it.

Before she knew it
Something was tapping on her leg
And when she looked down,
The rag doll laid there with no expression.

She saw that the rag doll had a note
Stating that he had no owner and
Was donated by a company
Since he was defective.

The little girl picked him up
And looked the rag doll up and down.
She hugged and told the rag doll “I’m
Your owner now and I’ll always be here.”
And as she left the rag doll smiled and knew
He was going home.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1130
Reviews 152
Hello... So I just Loved your poem.. The concept was good and that made it click.. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the poem was a free verse, right?? well if so, you did a good thing I don't think it would have gone good... The flow was very smooth and easy-going...
Well done and keep writing
Harshita:)
The answers lie within.. You only need to look.. :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 14289
Reviews 232
Hi Uo!

I find that I liked the story even though it's one that I've seen quite a few times, I find that if it's written in the right way, the plot will always be one that holds a lot of meaning and emotion for me. You've written the story in such a way that I care about the rag doll and wants him to find an owner and that's always good, because why would a reader be reading the story, if they don't care about the main character? So, I think that you did a fairly good job with making the rag doll come alive to the reader.

My one critique would probably be to intensify the emotions a little bit more. I think that if I can sympathise with the main character better, I tend to care about them even more. Another thing is that I feel that if I were the rag doll, I'd certainly be more sad that no one wanted me. Although that could just be me. But even if it still was me, I would still recommend emphasising the emotions a bit more. Magnify them so that the readers will be touched. Whilst reading the story, I definitely felt something for the rag doll, but I think that the feeling can be intensified.

That is my one and only critique. The poem was very good in terms of flow, wording, meaning and formatting. The flow was consistent and good throughout the whole poem. So, that's all good. :) The wording creating this sort of innocent and gentle feel about the poem. Which suited the story in the poem brilliantly. :) The story was also brought across clearly. The formatting was also consistent, except for maybe the last stanza, but that's not too much of a problem. The way you've format it out also made it easy to read. So, you're all good in that area. :)

Overall, I don't have much of critique really. Except that you could probably add a little more emotion in it. Good job! Keep it up! :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 27
@harsh Thank you very much I'm glad you enjoyed this particular piece even though I didn't really spend time on it, nor do I rarely spend much time on what I write since I just go with what flows from my mind at the moment and I hope it comes together. and yes it was freeverse I prefer to write in freeverse for it doesn't limit me to anything.

@MiRaCLeS as I thanked harsh I thank you as well for enjoying this piece and I know I can put more emotion into it for one can always put more emotion but like I said I spent little time on it and to be quite honest didn't spend more than 5-10 minutes writing it and posting it right when I was done and to go on with what you said about the last stanza not going along with the rest as to how the rest was written it's a habbit I have and a sorta say personal touch I add to it because I feel that since it is coming to an end that it should go out differently then the rest of the poem goes, but thank you for the one critique.

When I post more I pray you both enjoy it as much as this one.

-Uo The lady in grey.



No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.
— John Donne