Red Stilettos(Title Pending) Chapter 2- Waiting

Spoiler

Sorry it's a short chapter

A pair of red stilettos came into the doorway of the private waiting room Ali and Mitchel were in. She was a young woman wearing a tight black dress that showed way to much skin. She is probably around the age of nineteen but looks to be about twenty-two. Her long, brown hair in loose curls and her make-up is applied nicely to her face. Her eyes are a lighter blue then Ali's eyes, that they looked almost whitish greyish colour. She looked like the Greek goddess, Athena.

Ali and Mitchel were sitting on two separate couches not talking. Ali was looking at the flame that was illuminating the private waiting room and did not glance up to see the lady, but she clearly knew she was there. Mitchel on the other hand was sleeping away on his couch, drool was coming out of his mouth and running onto the tile flooring of there waiting room. The lady with he red stilettos was waiting impatiently in the doorway for one of them to notice her.

Her patience had ran out, “Excuse me, but the council has come up with your punishment and is ready to see you again.” The ladies voice was soft and welcoming and not showing any signs of rudeness, but there was something about her that made Ali have goose bumps and a weird feeling in her gut.

Mitchel awoke in his sleep with a jolt at the sound of a ladies voice, as he wiped away the drool that was on his mouth he said, “Well hello there.” he stood up from the couch, offering her his hand and smiled at her.

The lady with the red stilettos looked at the hand but did not take it. She just stood in the doorway silent. A line caressed between her flawless forehead for only a moment

Mitchel took back his hand and casually tousled his hair with it, “Never mind then. Why are you here again?” Mitchel not catching the first part of her sentence before.

“The council has sent me to get you, they have come up with your punishment and are ready to see you again.” She repeated for the second time, “Please follow me back to the court room.” Her voice was cold and had no emotions in it.

The lady started walking out the door and was soon followed by Mitchel who was still drooling over her mysterious beauty. Ali on the other hand was still watching the flame that was illuminating the private waiting room. She was absorbed in the light, how it flickered when she breathed and the way it gave off tiny bits of warmth. She looked at the flame as if it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Mitchel showed up at the doorway panting, “Ali? You coming? That beautiful lady is waiting for us, I don't think she likes to be kept waiting.” Mitchel's voice was in a rush as it escaped his lips.

Ali looked up from the flame for the first time since they got in there private waiting room to look at Mitchel, “As soon as we step in that room Mitchel our lives can change forever, and you don't even seem scared!” Ali's face was completely horrified.

“You don't seem to be a bit sorry that you ruined my life either! We could walk through those doors and be sentenced to death because of what you did, you broke the laws Mitchel! Vampire laws! Did you hear that lady say these laws that you have broken haven't been broken in over 2 years.” Her voiced raised up and was more like a yell directed to Mitchel. Ali didn't give Mitchel the time for a response and she rushed out of the private room to go to the court room.

Mitchel stood in the doorway processing the words which have just came out of Ali's mouth. Then he sauntered his way to the court room

Okay, I liked this...it definately kept my attention You have a good piece here, I just have a few nitpicks...

A pair of red stilettos came into the doorway of the private waiting room Ali and Mitchel were in. She was a young woman wearing a tight black dress that showed way to much skin. She is probably around the age of nineteen but looks to be about twenty-two. Her long, brown hair in loose curls and her make-up is applied nicely to her face. Her eyes are a lighter blue then Ali's eyes, that they looked almost whitish greyish colour. She looked like the Greek goddess, Athena.

You might have been able to start this out a little bit better I think....Like maybe you coul dhave started it out by introducing us to Ali and Mitchel and explaining that they were in a waiting room. Also you changed tenses in the first paragraph. You said the lady was a young woman useing past tense than switched to the present tense and said she is the age of nineteen...that is often confuseing to the reader. One other thing, for example...you could change the highlighted sentence into this "Her long brown hair hung in loose curls framing her face, and you could tell that her make-up was very nicely applied." I do very much enjoy the descriptions you give!!!!

Ali and Mitchel were sitting on two separate couches not talking. Ali was looking at the flame that was illuminating the private waiting room and did not glance up to see the lady, but she clearly knew she was there. Mitchel on the other hand was sleeping away on his couch, drool was coming out of his mouth and running onto the tile flooring of there waiting room. The lady with he red stilettos was waiting impatiently in the doorway for one of them to notice her.

One thing here, How did Ali clearly know she was there? How are we for sure that she knows? Does she straighten up suddenly, angrily grunt, maybe shake a little ? Besides that, I like the bit about the drool, it made me smile.

Her patience had ran out, “Excuse me, but the council has come up with your punishment and is ready to see you again.” The ladies voice was soft and welcoming and not showing any signs of rudeness, but there was something about her that made Ali have goose bumps and a weird feeling in her gut.

How about in the first sentence you say " When her patience had run out she said," that might make the sentence flow a bit smoother. And then in the last sentence how about "but there was something about her that gave Ali goosebumps and a weird feeling in her gut."

Mitchel awoke in his sleep with a jolt at the sound of a ladies voice, as he wiped away the drool that was on his mouth he said, “Well hello there.” he stood up from the couch, offering her his hand and smiled at her.

First sentence, " Mitchel awoke from his sleep with a jolt at the sound of the ladies voice."And then just capitalize the h in he.

Mitchel took back his hand and casually tousled his hair with it, “Never mind then. Why are you here again?” Mitchel not catching the first part of her sentence before.

on the last part of the sentence it might be better if you had said "Mitchel had not caught what the lady had said from before."

“The council has sent me to get you, they have come up with your punishment and are ready to see you again.” She repeated for the second time, “Please follow me back to the court room.” Her voice was cold and had no emotions in it.

Just one thing here, you mentioned her voice had been warm and welcoming before and now you are saying it was cold...so instead you should say, "this time her voce was cold...."

Mitchel showed up at the doorway panting, “Ali? You coming? That beautiful lady is waiting for us, I don't think she likes to be kept waiting.” Mitchel's voice was in a rush as it escaped his lips.

One thing here, you could say mitchel's voice was rushed as it escaped hie lips." Besides that I love the dialogue

Ali looked up from the flame for the first time since they got in there private waiting room to look at Mitchel, “As soon as we step in that room Mitchel our lives can change forever, and you don't even seem scared!” Ali's face was completely horrified.

Everything here is fine except you use looked and look in the same sentence. Instead you could use glanced or glared or something like that.

Mitchel stood in the doorway processing the words which have just came out of Ali's mouth. Then he sauntered his way to the court room

You switched tenses again, instead switch "the words which have just come out of Ali's mouth," to "the words that had just come from Ali's mouth."

Overall I loved this story, it's very intriguing and kept me reading the whole way through! Not very many stories on here can do that. So very nicely done. I look forward to later chapters

Thanks for the review! Just so you don't think I'm ignoring your review i haven't fixed my mistakes yet but I will. I just have a lot to do this week...I will fix it sometime next week! Thanks again!