I cut myself

I cut myself
*Edited after rememberme's review*


Why I did it? I do not know.
Must have been a curiosity overflow,
For all I wanted was to feel
The knife’s stainless steel,
As it tore with its shiny blade
My skin with the trace it made.

I felt the adrenaline rush,
But my blood did not gush-
It oozed out with leisure
And I felt a bittersweet pleasure
In the midst of the pain,
Then realised, this wasn’t sane.

Don’t put me in mental care,
I said I don’t belong there.
No, I am not depressed,
Neither am I obsessed
With cutting myself to satisfy
The emotions in me that die.

Why I did it? I do not know.
Must have been a curiosity overflow,
For all I wanted was to feel
This emotion, living and real.
It fills me with contentment
But I am not dependent.

Spoiler

Please allow that last rhyme. I know those two line don’t really look like a rhyming pair…

Hi I'm shadow and I had the pleasure of reading your poem.

I'm not really one for reviewing poetry. (I have dyslexia so I can literally NOT hear rhyme)
But I can appreciate prose and the flow of language and I must say this is beautiful!
I can really sympathize with this Character (do you call them characters in poetry?)
it is morbid, thought provoking and very sad.
and as to the last line not rhyming, well , I can't tell anyway! XD

Great job!

Happy writing and rhyming!

~Shadow

Hmm, interesting work. Rather bone-chilling, I must confess, so kudos on that! I like the narrator's tone and voice, and overall is, as I said, a thought-provoking piece.

Mikko wrote:I cut myself

Why I did it? I do not know.
Must have been a curiosity overflow.
For all I wanted was to feel
The knife’s stainless steel,
As it tore with its shiny blade
My skin and the trace it made. 'and the trace it made' really sounds awkward. Doesn't make much sense, and to me, felt necessary only for the rhyme.

I felt the adrenaline rush,
But my blood did not gush-
It oozed out with leisure,
And I felt a bittersweet pleasure. Ug! Fa-reaky!
In the mist of the pain, Is 'mist' what you're looking for? Or is it supposed to be 'midst'?
Then realised, this wasn’t sane. You should have 'I' before 'then', because as you feel the pain you realize...

Don’t put me in mental care.
I said I don’t belong there.
No, I am not depressed,
Nor am I obsessed This line seemed too short.
With cutting myself to satisfy
The emotions in me that die.

Why I did it? I do not know.
Must have been a curiosity overflow,
For all I wanted was to feel
This emotion, so real. This really broke the flow. It's too short...
It fills me with contentment
But I am not dependent. Nice ending. Creepy and ends with a final tone.

Well, hope my few comments help!

I read with a sort of morbid fascination. It was extremely engaging, and you could really tell from the vocabulary you used not a sense of depression or sadness or release, merely curiosity (I think that's what you intended). Although granted the last rhyming couplet was a bit off as you had pointed out, I think it works fine with what you were trying to achieve. cheers!

I have, sadly, had experiance in this area of expertise. And I must say that you captured the feelings and mood perfectly. I cried at the depressed part because thats how it went down for me. I just hope that this is NOT something you actually did to yourself.

Exactly what the person above me said....the feelings are perfect. Could relate to them a little too well. Just hopefully this isn't actually something from experience. It doesn't help...

-Brie

Oh wow! I really liked this. It describes it so well. I've had experience with cutting; my friend did it, and she had no idea why she'd do it. This really screams at people. I like that bunches. The rhyme scheme was excellent, though some of the rhymes seemed they kind of threw the rhythm off a bit. But otherwise, this was fantastic.

This peice describes my cutting addiction, in like three short paragraphs. I couldnt explain it, I didnt want to do it, but I did. One thing led to another and I couldnt stop.
Your poem really makes you want to follow along, not because of the plot, but because of the way the words flowed together. It was really nice, and smooth.
It touched me, made me thankful that I have moved on to that poriton of my life, and that I wasn't the only one who did so.
Thank you for writing this.

Interesting, that's how I feel when I do it...not that I do. Been clean for three months! Haha, this is great! It's engaging, pulling you in and at the end, the couplet was something that made me crack up. It's an accidental rhyme and that is alright, mostly because it's too clunky to be considered a rhyme. Anyway the end was what an addict would say! Haha, well good job and I don't see much wrong. Keep writing stuff like this so I can read it! Haha

~Mello

Interesting, that's how I feel when I do it...not that I do. Been clean for three months! Haha, this is great! It's engaging, pulling you in and at the end, the couplet was something that made me crack up. It's an accidental rhyme and that is alright, mostly because it's too clunky to be considered a rhyme. Anyway the end was what an addict would say! Haha, well good job and I don't see much wrong. Keep writing stuff like this so I can read it!

~Mello

<3

This was a very haunting poem that touches the very core of someone who has no idea what goes on behind closed doors and to people who are struggling with this.. Loved it!!

You are very brave to talk about an experience like this, and for that I hail you. It's lovely to see people making use of a bad situation and turning it into something beautiful, like poetry. Even the most awful things have their own beauty, in a warped sense, and if we are open enough to see it.

I also like your use of rhyme, it's effective and sharp, quite quick actually, it's asthough each line is a cut, - - - -, as you read it you are cutting yourself, the reader/audience gains a slight sense of the sensation of cutting without actually doing so. Well done.

You must read as much poetry as possible and write as much as possible if you are ever to improve, as we all do need to improve, there is no boundaries with poetry, and always room for improvements. Don't limit yourself, words are boundless and free, trying to contain them is foolish and will only remove the meaning of the words. If they have meaning at all.

This was hauntingly brilliant. I had goosebumps the whole time reading this. It really gave me a shiver through my spine. I hope you continue to write more poems with this kind of sensation towards the reader.