Dear Lucy: Chapter One

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A/N: FINALLY GOT CHAPTER ONE UP! Sorry for the wait....haha. Anyway, read on and make sure to check out the prologue also!

Chapter One: Turned Upside Down

When I was little, life was simple. Life was kind to me. I knew nothing of pain, nothing of hate, but I knew nothing of love either. I really knew nothing of anything then.

My mother used to take me to the park and leave me there for hours. She'd tell me to be a good boy and play on the swings until she came back. I wasn't supposed to leave the swings or talk to anyone. If I did, Maman would be very cross with me. She didn't hit me, but I knew that I had been bad if I did.

I suppose that this is boring to you, the reader, because this story is not about me, but Lucy. So I'll get on with it and head to the better part of the story.

I was about five years old when I met her. I swung on the swings, just like Maman told me to do, and didn't speak. The other children thought that I was a freak, but I ignored them. I wanted to make Maman happy, and so I did what I was told.

"Hey, you took my swing!" A small, brown-haired girl stood in front of me where I was supposed to be swinging, stopping me in my path. I glared at her, refusing to move. She did the same, crossing her arms and sticking out her lower lip.

"Move," I whispered. My voice was hoarse then; I think I had the flu.

The girl walked up to me and, to my surprise, pushed me off the swing. I stared at her in shock as she looked down at me with anger swirling in her green eyes. I remember the determination shaking that frail body as she declared, "My name is Lucy Serafina Fantelle and my daddy said that I don't need to move for anyone!"

I stared at her, my mouth wide open. It took me a moment to collect my wits and get up from the gravel. I stood up slowly, watching her warily as she waited for a response. Then I did something I would never have thought of doing: I shoved her to the ground. She landed on her bottom, letting out a grunt as she did. My hands were clenched and I am pretty sure that there was a scowl on my face as I responded with, "My name is Judas and my maman told me to wait for her on the swings, so this is mine, not yours." My voice was much quieter than hers, but it held the same amount of emotion that she held.

Lucy brushed herself off, standing up and giving me the evil eye. "I'm telling my daddy that you ruined my new skirt! My daddy will make sure that your mommy leaves you here to die because of that." Lucy turned around, twirling like the diva she was and left me behind.

At first I believed her words, pushing myself higher and higher in the air just to try to see if Maman was coming back. After what felt like hours, I was about to cry. I had to pee and my stomach was beginning to hurt. The mean girl's papa might've taken Maman away and left me to die here, whatever that meant.

When I saw Maman's blonde head, my chest unclenched and I jumped off, landing at her feet.

"And how are you, mi cheré?" Maman asked in her smooth voice, bringing me away from all of my problems.

"Maman, I met a girl today. I don't think I like her." I held her hand as we walked through our neighborhood, past the graffitti and to our crappy apartment.

"Oh, you will in time, ma cheré. Now let's get you home before Papa gets angry again."


A/N: I hoped you enjoyed, and I'm adding my Cajun roots in there so I can use my knowledge. I hope this is a helpful chapter and it took forever to complete. Review please!!!!
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.




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i loved the story. the flow of words was great. i couldn't find any faults in it. some things i really liked were

1# the beginning was amazing. loved the way you wrote about life and love.

2#
I stared at her, my mouth wide open. It took me a moment to collect my wits and get up from the gravel. I stood up slowly, watching her warily as she waited for a response. Then I did something I would never have thought of doing: I shoved her to the ground. She landed on her bottom, letting out a grunt as she did. My hands were clenched and I am pretty sure that there was a scowl on my face as I responded with, "My name is Judas and my maman told me to wait for her on the swings, so this is mine, not yours." My voice was much quieter than hers, but it held the same amount of emotion that she held.

these line were remarkable in the whole story.
a think i didn't understand was why have you used
maman
to call his mother




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That was good. I liked it and it caught my attention. I know you wanted a review, but I don't have too much to say. It was well written and I didn't notice mistakes. The only thing I could think of that you could change is this line:
My voice was much quieter than hers, but it held the same amount of emotion that she held.
In my opinion it would sound better is you took off the last three words and ended it at emotion. That's all. I'll have to keep a lookout for the followi
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