Revenge

Please nitpick as much as possible

Spoiler

Your story is about a secretary in a doctor's office floating with balloons.

I hate this job, I hate this office, but most of all, I hate birthdays. So this makes today my lucky day, because it's Debra’s birthday. Oh, did I forget to mention something? I hate Debra, too.

What, with her perfect hair, flawless skin, and skinny physique, how can anyone despise her like I do? That’s fairly easy to answer- my husband cheated on me with her. It's amazing how, for him being a doctor, he is so naïve. I suppose he thought I didn't hear him sneaking out in the middle of the night, the random expenses on our credit card bills, or that I didn't see the winks he would always give her in the office.

For your information, my husband is Dr. Laury, and he owns the practice that I work at. He’s a dermatologist, so I can easily see how Debra could become intrigued by him, as she probably needs a new dose of Botox every few years. I also doubt that she could pay for it without help, since she has low-paying office job, but I think I know how she gets it for free.

Anyway, it’s Debra’s birthday, and my husband has played up the occasion like it’s a freaking national holiday; balloons by the hundreds, an elaborate looking cake, and he allowed everyone the day off to celebrate. Modesty has never been his strong suit.

I’m trying my best to carry on with my day, ignoring the festivities as much as possible, but I just can’t take my eyes off of how many balloons there are. I bet there’s enough to make an elephant fly!

Suddenly, the light bulb flickers on in my head.

I saunter over towards the witch herself, with over a dozen balloons in hand, and drag her outside. “Good thing I put on a few pounds,” I mutter, as I snatch her wrist.

“What are you doing?!” She shrieks.

“Oh…Just an experiment, you’ll fly through it,” I snicker.

I tie the balloon strings around both of her wrists and make sure to double-knot them tightly. Satisfaction plasters my face as a scream curls its way up her throat and her feet slowly ease off the ground. Her Jimmy Choo pumps slip off her feet, and I’m sure she’s sorry she wore a dress.

I suppose my co-workers also heard the scream, as they are sprinting outside to see what’s wrong. Looks of horror, and some with humor, stare up at the spectacle I have created.

The crowd begins to whisper and point at dear-‘ol- Debra, “I wonder how high she’ll go?” “Should I call 911?” “ How many balloons do you think that is?”

Then, I see my distraught husband among the hysteria, his face pure white. Revenge tastes so sweet.

Now, the moment we have all been waiting for...

Pop.

Great use of dark humor! I'm very interested on how you got some of the ideas for this story, such as a dermatologist, the cheating husband, and especially the baloons! It gives one a menacing grin who has a worst enemy, a bully, or just someone they don't like. You can feel the hatred between the main character and everything around her, especially Debra. I would nit-pick, but I can't find anything to nit-pick about. Great work!

I love it! This is fantastic - you wrote it in such a way as to make the unrealistic humerous, even, to make it realistic! I had a giggle on the edge of my lips the whole way through. I liked how it was short and sweet, and your prose was uncluttered. Here's a few nitpicks:

speakingofsarah wrote:Please nitpick as much as possible

I hate this job, I hate this office, but most of all, I hate birthdays. So this makes today my luck [b] I think you mean lucky [b], because it's Debra’s birthday. Oh, did I forget to mention something? I hate Debra, too

What, with her perfect hair, flawless skin, and skinny physique, how can anyone despise her like I do? That’s fairly easy to answer- my husband cheated on me with her. [b] I didn't really enjoy this paragraph. It is rather poorly written and awkward [b]

For your information, my husband is Dr. Laury, and he owns the practice that I work at. He’s a dermatologist, so I can easily see how Debra could become intrigued by him, as she probably needs a new dose of Botox every few years. I also doubt that she could pay for it without help, since she has low-paying office job, but I think I know how she gets it for free.

Anyway, it’s Debra’s birthday, and my husband has played up the occasion like it’s a freaking national holiday; [b] baloons [b] Balloons by the hundreds, an elaborate looking cake, and he allowed everyone the day off to celebrate. Modesty has never been his strong suit.

I’m trying my best to carry on with my day, ignoring the festivities as much as possible, but I just can’t take my eyes off of how many balloons there are. I bet there’s enough to make an elephant fly!

Suddenly, the light bulb flickers on in my head.

I saunter over towards the witch herself, with over a dozen balloons in hand, and drag her outside. “Good thing I put on a few pounds,” I mutter, as I snatch her wrist.

“What are you doing?!” She shrieks.

“Oh…Just an experiment, you’ll fly through it,” I snicker. [b] < I like this bit XD [b]

I tie the balloon strings around both of her wrists and make sure to double-knot them tightly. Satisfaction plasters my face as a scream curls its way up her throat and her feet slowly ease off the ground. Her Jimmy Choo pumps slip off her feet, and I’m sure she’s sorry she wore a dress.

I suppose my co-workers also heard the scream, as they are sprinting outside to see what’s wrong. Looks of horror, and some with humor, stare up at the spectacle I have created.

The crowd begins to whisper and point at dear-‘ol- Debra, “I wonder how high she’ll go?” “Should I call 911?” “ How many balloons do you think that is?”

Then, I see my distraught husband among the hysteria, his face pure white. Revenge tastes so sweet.

Now, the moment we have all been waiting for...

Pop.

I have no nitpicks what-so-ever! I loved this. A lot. Your style of writing is one that draws in your readers, and it definitely made me laugh. How did you get the idea of this?
The ending is my favourite. Well done, keep it up.

Thanks everyone!
I actually got the idea from the theme generator. This is was the original theme I was given: "Your story is about a secretary in a doctor's office floating with balloons." I kind of switched it up though!

To @AmeliaCogin: thanks for you for nitpicking, I changed luck to lucky, but I'm pretty sure that I spelled "balloons" correctly, I googled it..haha. And as for the second paragraph, do you have any advice? Because I want to keep that she was cheated on, but I'm not sure how to convey it, because I agree with you that it's awkward.

Thanks!

Good adaptation of the topic. Very good connection.
Only thing I felt was that your story was very straight forward: an intro, middle and ending. That is fine, but I felt your intro had more substance and weight than the rest, it took away the sting from it...
The story kind of didn't build up to a peak and then pop, it just went straight through...
Nevertheless good story