Don't Cry for Me

Don’t cry for me

Because I never want to see another tear

Don’t ask me about what happened:

No one will ever know.

None but me.

I’ll remain trapped in memory

Haunting me like a shadow

Following me like a demon

Torturing me

I never knew that hate had a body;

I did not know pain bore the face of a man

I’d never known how red

Blood truly was

Did you know that you can shiver from cold

Beneath five blankets?

Cold is not felt by the body,

But dreaded by the soul.

Have you felt that the feel of tears

Streaming down your face

Is the only warmth to know?

The tears I’ve shed are endless

But they’re no more

I am a body,

Living yet lifeless

Breathing yet breathless.

Don’t cry for me.

I really liked this piece! It was really sad and I could just feel the emotion bursting behind the words. Amazing... I really liked your description. The structure and flow seemed consistent and easy to follow. The only thing that slowed it down a little was the puncuation. I think it needs more of it.

Don’t cry for me You could have a comma here.

Because I never want to see another tear Period here, maybe.

Don’t ask me about what happened:

No one will ever know.

None but me. I really liked these three verses.

I’ll remain trapped in memory Could have a comma.

Haunting me like a shadow Another comma maybe. I like your description here!

Following me like a demon Comma. Another favorite line!

Torturing me Period. I like the way this line fits so well here.

I never knew that hate had a body;

I did not know pain bore the face of a man Another period.

I’d never known how red

Blood truly was Period.

Did you know that you can shiver from cold

Beneath five blankets?

Cold is not felt by the body,

But dreaded by the soul. I really like the way you describe cold.

Have you felt that the feel of tears Comma here, I think. Also, 'have you felt the feel' just seemed a little off, because felt and feel are so similar. Maybe try a different word in place of 'feel'.

Streaming down your face Another comma, maybe.

Is the only warmth to know?

The tears I’ve shed are endless Comma.

But they’re no more Period. Also, if you changed the wording to 'But they are no more, it wight flow better.

I am a body,

Living yet lifeless You could have a comma after 'Living' and at the end of 'lifeless', I think.

Breathing yet breathless. Maybe a comma after 'Breathing'.

Don’t cry for me. I liked how you repeat the first line as the last!

Anyway, sorry for nit-picking it so much. In poetry, puncuation isn't a major requirement, it just helps it flow better sometimes, so do what you feel is best. I really enjoyed your piece just how it is. Thanks for sharing!

<..> Kat

I can relate to this. If you don't mind, can I ask what it's about? You don't have to answer if it's really personal or something.
Great imagery. Even if someone has never felt this way, They could still imagine it. (I think...)
It makes me think of winter and autumn., when all the leaves are dying, and any plants left are killed by the frost and snow and ice. Weird connection, I know. That's just me.
Sorry this review wasn't much help. That's also just me. I like this just the way it is.
Keep Writing,
Bel

Hi! I won't be too nit-picky - it seems KatarinaLatisse has done it! Take her advice, haha.
I liked the simple wording in this, I think it worked well, and captured the basis of emotions
like loneliness very easily. Perhaps making it a bit more emotional and dramatic might be the trick!

Lovely work!

Miyakko.

Hi-ya! I'll make this short and sweet! Love love love it!
My favorite line: " I never knew hate had a body"
Brilliant work!!!!

This is a really good piece of work! Bravo! I also was wondering what the 'thing' was that we shouldn't cry about unless it is personal, but other than that, I really enjoyed this!

Wow...that poem...was amazing. Beautiful. I loved it.

It was deep with emotion and I couldn't help, but feel as if someone understands what I'm going through too. Whether this is true, or not, personal, or fiction, you really described well. The relation I had with this made it all the more great.

Veritas wrote:I never knew that hate had a body;

I did not know pain bore the face of a man

One of my favorite parts right there ^

Veritas wrote:Cold is not felt by the body,

But dreaded by the soul.

So completely true...great description.

Veritas wrote:The tears I’ve shed are endless

But they’re no more

I am a body,

Living yet lifeless

Breathing yet breathless.

Don’t cry for me.

This is when I thought I could really relate. Brilliant ending.

Great job with this! So powerful...
-Brie♥

I really love this poem. I could feel the emotion behind it and it was just so strong. Not a very useful comment but just keep on writing. My favourite lines:

Bhayden71297 wrote:I am a body, Living yet lifelessBreathing yet breathless.