My Hope

One human is born,
Many others killed.
One creature loved,
Others destroyed.

Take some, give some,
But nothing stays the same.
Yet I cry for more is taken,
Less is given,
More suffering.

This sky painted in mud
Gives me hope,
Hope of something that looms
In the dark,
Hope of something that will change
The very meaning of why we live.

I have a hope that someday
More will be given
Than taken away.
No more war,
No more serial killers,
No more homicide,
No more suicide.

That’s my hope
Reflected in this muddy sea…

What is yours?

Hello there Truth here for a review!

Mikkiestash wrote:One human is born,
Many others killed.
One creature loved,
Others destroyed. I really love how you started this.

Take some, give some,
But nothing stays the same.
Yet I cry for more is taken, I don't like the 'yet' in there...
Less is given,
More suffering. More suffering... something's missing here, elaborate please

This sky painted in mud
Gives me hope,
Hope of something// that looms Try putting this half with the other beneath to balance it out a bit
In the dark,
Hope that something that will change
The very meaning of why we live. this would probably just be "the meaning of life"

I have a hope that someday
More will be given
Than taken away.
No more war,
No more serial killers,
No more homicide,
No more suicide.

That’s my hope
Reflected in this muddy sea…

What is yours?

Great poem, I loved it It's cute and meaningful and makes the reader think a lot. Good job!
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

Ps: I hope to change the world, one person at a time, with my words, just like you just did.

you sent a very powerful message in your poem. I think that is a secret wish of everyone except for those who wish to inflict pain on others. It was an honor to read it.

P.S.: my wish is that someday I can make a difference in somebody's life and make it better.

Wow. I don't really have anything helpful to say, but I just wanted to say, I really like this piece! It's very meaningful, has alot of depth. Very powerful.

Take some, give some,
But nothing stays the same.
Yet I cry for more is taken,
Less is given,
More suffering.

The first two lines are awesome! For the third line, I think there could be a comma after 'cry'. And the last line does seem like it needs a little more to it.

This sky painted in mud
Gives me hope,
Hope of something that looms
In the dark,
Hope of something that will change
The very meaning of why we live.

A comma after 'This sky', I think. I really like the description 'painted in mud', but I'm not sure why that would give you hope. But that's just my perspective. As a whole, I really like this verse.

I have a hope that someday
More will be given
Than taken away.
No more war,
No more serial killers,
No more homicide,
No more suicide.

Okay, I think it needs a comma in the second line, after 'given'.

That’s my hope
Reflected in this muddy sea…

I really like how this ends! Nice job. Although, it could use a comma after 'hope', I think.


Overall, amazing work! I really enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing and keep it up!

<..> Kat