Young Writers Society

I'm lost on the road of life,
Just trying to survive.
I don't know where I am,
But I'll find my way home again.

I'm stranded here on the ground,
But this weeping rain won't bring me down.
My wings are broken, but I'll still try,
Until I meet the sun in that clear blue sky.

Falling, falling, don't know where,
Crying, dying, but no one hears.
I'll have to stand up on my own,
Keep flying through the night all alone.

The moon on my shoudlers, the wind at my back,
The stars in the distance are all that I have.
I'll keep flying, endlessly, aimlessly,
Maybe I'll reach somewhere eventually.

That was amazing! Keep writing!

Okay, so I really liked this piece, as I like mostly all of your pieces. Anyway, my reviews on poems suck, but I'll give it a try.

I really liked the flow of this piece, and you seem to be able to convey emotions really well through your poetry. The ending is the main thing that seems to be your problem, but this one was actually pretty decent. It was still just a little abrupt, but an improvement from before, I think.

I'm lost on the road of life,
Just trying to survive.
I don't know where I am,
But I'll find my way home again.

I'm stranded here on the ground,
But this weeping rain won't bring me down. [I really like the imagery in this line.]
My wings are broken, but I'll still try,
Until I meet the sun in that clear blue sky.

Falling, falling, don't know where,
Crying, dying, but no one hears.
I'll have to stand up on my own,
Keep flying through the night all alone.

The moon on my shoudlers,[shoulders] the wind at my back,
The stars in the distance are all that I have.
I'll keep flying, endlessly, aimlessly,
Maybe I'll reach somewhere eventually.[I really just like the way this sounds]

So, I really can't find that much wrong with it. It flows smoothly, without any interruptions, you get the message across and it feels like a poem of hope and effort, of having to try before you can get somewhere, and having the courage, even though you're lost, to get back up and try anyway. That's what it seems like to me, and I really like that you wrote an uplifting poem *cough* for once *cough cough*.

Anyway, great job and I really enjoyed your piece!

~Tayla

Le review:

I'm lost on the road of life,
Just trying to survive.
I don't know where I am,
But I'll find my way home again. (This is an okay stanza. It's well-worded, but not particularly gripping.)

I'm stranded here on the ground,
But this weeping rain won't bring me down. (I like these two lines, actually. I would get rid of the word 'but')
My wings are broken, but I'll still try,
Until I meet the sun in that clear blue sky. (These are cute)

Falling, falling, don't know where,
Crying, dying, but no one hears. (Okay, the whole two word listing thing got old after I read the first word. I would go for a different approach.)
I'll have to stand up on my own,
Keep flying through the night all alone. (this is a sentence fragment, but I do like what you're saying.)

The moon on my shoulders, the wind at my back, (erg. mentioning the wind is so clichéd.)
The stars in the distance are all that I have.
I'll keep flying, endlessly, aimlessly,
Maybe I'll reach somewhere eventually. (You broke the lovely rhyme scheme! DOn't break the rhyme scheme!! No!!)

So, this is an okay poem. It actually sounds like song lyrics to me, it might make a better song. You have some lovely ideas and some lines that are great, but these are slightly counteracted by clichés and broken rhyme schemes and simplistic lines. With work, this will be a nice little poem. Keep writing!

-Tori