Wish

I wish I wasn't always so numb
I wish all my smiles weren't a mask
Weren't fake
I wish all the laughter at my humor woukd still be there
But still know my story
I wish my sobs would just leave me be
No tears, just dreaded silence and shaking
I've cried every tear I can
I have been strong all these years
I hope you all understand
That I no longer belong here
That I no longer want to be here
I never have
I never will
If it wasn't so much guilt to pay,
I would pay my dues
To die
Oh, I would pay them excessively
I would pay with everything I have
I try to help others with their problems
But I can hardly
Stand tall with my own
I am not even doing that
I try and try
Oh, do I try
All of you guys
Try to say
"Jesus is the answer"
"Jesus will save you"
Well, there's nothing here to save
There is nothing left
I'm gone

Your second poem that I've read, and I was just as impressed with this one! I'm not a very good critic when it comes to pieces that I really like, so I probably won't be much help, advice-wise. Just wanted to let you know I really liked this. Um... let's see... I should try to make this more of a review... I think the format was good, well written and I liked how it ended.

Well, there's nothing here to save
There is nothing left
I'm gone

Nicely done!

I try to help others with their problems
But I can hardly
Stand tall with my own
I am not even doing that
I try and try
Oh, do I try

This part really touched me, I feel very similar often. I really wish I could help, but I seem create more problems for the people I care about, rather than helping them with theirs... and trying to stand tall on my own, I really just can't do anything. And trying so hard... Wow, I really liek how you put your thoughts into words that that reader can relate to.

Great job! I would look foward to reading any more of your work!

<..> Kat

Really, really sad, but extremely well-written. I didn't find any grammatical errors, and I noticed no problems with it otherwise. Please keep writing! Your work is excellent.

I just found a few small errors

I wish all the laughter at my humore woukd still be there

for woukd just to be would
and for humore i'm not sure if you mean humor?

I really like your piece. I felt the deepness of it emotionally through your words and overall i think it is very interesting.

I really liked the form you took on when writing this piece, I feel it really spoke to your audience. However, I would suggest perhaps improving the vocabulary ever so slightly, maybe making a few words more complex as it adds even more depth. Other than that I found no faults and it was extremely well written. Keep up the good work

Hello there.

First off, it's a good poem. I like the feelings you've put in there. I only found two mistakes and they were already pointed out by another reviewer. I would like you to edit it though, because I find it very insulting when someone points out something and the writer doesn't correct it.

I thought the repetition of 'I wish' would be there all throughout the poem... It wasn't. But it's fine.

I'm not super good at reviewing poems since I think everyone sees them differently... Sorry for the short review.

Keep writing!

-Other One