Believe

Thought I'd try a different style of poetry than usual, so here's the result. I wasn't sure what I was aiming for, so it kind of came out a bit disorderly, but I just thought I'd put it up to see what you think. Here goes.


Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting.
I could fall into,
And be lost forever;
Happily.

If only I could get past,
That wall formed of glass.
Fragile- yet so untouchable.
If I could break through,
See what's behind you,
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me inside.

You gaze away distantly,
I wonder what you see there.
The sky is so clear,
The storm brews in your eyes.
Emotions you felt,
Lay frozen.
Locked far away,
In that forgotten place.

But whatever you say,
I can still see them;
Remnents.
What do they mean?
I wish I knew.
Your eyes like mirrors,
Reflect what is true.
The fire still burns,
Dancing just out of reach,
Doesn't make sense,
Leaving grasping hands empty.

I'll keep playing with flames,
Hope that they melt the ice.
So one day your wall may crumble,
And you can learn to trust again.
Perhaps you need help,
Searching so desperately.
Grasp my hand,
That I'm holding out.
We'll learn to fly together,
But we have to overcome the fall.
And spread our fledgling wings,
And believe.
Just believe.

Hallo there

It was a really sweet poem, though a little confusing.

Error time!

o You haven't used any puntuation marks :/ They are needed. I'm just reading on and on, not stopping anywhere; thus it made it look bland and meaningless. Puntuation marks will actually give the feeling.

o

Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting.
I could fall into (Commar.)
And be lost forever (Semi collen)
Happily (Fullstop)

a) This paragraph just didn't seem to have any sense. Espically the red marked area. I had to read it over and over and over again to figure out what your talking about.
-Which is a guy, right?

o

If only I could get past,
That wall formed of glass,
Fragile- yet so untouchable.
If I could break through,
See what's behind you.
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me inside,
I think you should add a line here to complete to rhyme.

Oh, and I love that paragraph ^^

But, yeah. Thats all I got. I repeat - Puntuation marks please D:

Take Care.
-Justtrying.

I really liked this poem

"I'll keep playing with flames,
Hope that they melt the ice.
So one day your wall may crumble,
And you can learn to trust again.
Perhaps you need help,
Searching so desperately.
Grasp my hand,
That I'm holding out.
We'll learn to fly together,
But we have to overcome the fall.
And spread our fledgling wings,
And believe.
Just believe."

That was the freakin' coolest stanza ever.

Amazing poem.
RA

Ok, let me just say that this was awesome! You have a way with words, that some of us (speaking about me here) totally lack. From the first paragraph,

Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting.
I could fall into,
And be lost forever;
Happily.

you take the reader and throw them into a turmoil of gripping emotion. All I can say is that your writing is very moving, and you have a real talent! Good luck, have fun, and keep up the great work!
~Zanna

This piece of work was flowing and perfect. Do the world a favor and keep writing!

Hello! I think this poem is better than the other one I reviewed. I really, really, really like the imagery, the concrete details, and the message in the poem! The message is to try to help someone learn to trust people. In other words, try to show that person that they can trust people, not everyone is out to hurt that person. Now, that is a great message!

"I'll keep playing with flames,
Hope that they melt the ice.
So one day your wall may crumble,
And you can learn to trust again.
Perhaps you need help,
Searching so desperately.
Grasp my hand,
That I'm holding out.
We'll learn to fly together,
But we have to overcome the fall.
And spread our fledgling wings,
And believe.
Just believe."

Now, this is a great example of the wonderful imagery and the inspiring message in the poem! Another example is

"Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting.
I could fall into,
And be lost forever;
Happily.

If only I could get past,
That wall formed of glass.
Fragile- yet so untouchable.
If I could break through,
See what's behind you,
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me inside."

This truly shows the interesting imagery and the concrete details! I really do like how there are more concrete details than abstract ones! This is truly a well-written poem! I really like this poem! I hope you keep writing like this! By the way, sorry, I really don't have anything you can really improve on. This poem is that good!

Wow. Let me just say wow. I really liked this piece, it has so much emotion to it, it just explodes with emotion. I love it! I just don't have the words for how awesome this is. Anyway, let's get started.

Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting.
I could fall into,
And be lost forever;
Happily. [So, these last three lines are just a little confusing the way they are worded. Not bad, but I thought I'd mention it. I also don't really understand what they have to do with the rest of the poem.]

If only I could get past,
That wall formed of glass.
Fragile- yet so untouchable.
If I could break through,
See what's behind you,
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me inside. [I really love this stanza]

You gaze away distantly,
I wonder what you see there. [I really love the emotions and imagery you put into these first four lines.]
The sky is so clear,
The storm brews in your eyes.
Emotions you felt,
Lay frozen.
Locked far away,
In that forgotten place.[And especially this one too]

But whatever you say,
I can still see them;
Remnents.
What do they mean?
I wish I knew.
Your eyes like mirrors,
Reflect what is true.
The fire still burns,
Dancing just out of reach,
Doesn't make sense,
Leaving grasping hands empty.

I'll keep playing with flames,
Hope that they melt the ice.
So one day your wall may crumble,
And you can learn to trust again.
Perhaps you need help,
Searching so desperately.
Grasp my hand,
That I'm holding out.
We'll learn to fly together,
But we have to overcome the fall.
And spread our fledgling wings,
And believe.
Just believe. [This one too. I just love it all!!]

So, I guess I really don't have much to nitpick about this. This was more of a 'I love this' review more than anything, I'm sorry. Anyway, great work, keep it up!

~Tayla

Wow I love this SO SO SO SO much! It's the best poem I've read all day and I've read eleven poems today and reveiwed them all. So tired. But, anyway. To the reveiw. I really liked it. You say it seems disorganized, I say it seems AMAZING!

The deep emotion you showed was easily seen, and I felt like every word came alive. Also, great job for rhyming so well. I didn't even know it was rhyming until I read it the second time. It flows so well! Well, I like un-rhyming poems but not as much... you know what I mean. Although it is great, I wasn't sure what it is about. I'm pretty sure it was about beleiving in yourself, but still, not sure. Maybe you should break it into stanzas to help me slow down a little while I'm reading it. I love the way you show mysteriousness at first, then into sadness, then happiness.

So, time for nit-picks. Here goes...

Liquid orbs gleam,
And secrets unseen,
Amid endless depths,
And shadows shifting. (This just...works!)
I could fall into,
And be lost forever;
Happily.
If only I could get past,
That wall formed of glass. (Great imagery in this part. I can just see the sapphire colored glass covered in little water droplets... I don't know. My mind takes it farther then what it says, I guess.)Fragile- yet so untouchable.
If I could break through,
See what's behind you (I understand you are trying to rhyme, but I thought you were talking about yourself?) ,
But you won't let me in,
Won't let me inside.
You gaze away distantly,
I wonder what you see there.
The sky is so clear,
The storm brews in your eyes.
Emotions you felt,
Lay frozen.
Locked far away,
In that forgotten place.
But whatever you say,
I can still see them;
Remnents.
What do they mean?
I wish I knew.
Your eyes like mirrors,
Reflect what is true.
The fire still burns,
Dancing just out of reach,
Doesn't make sense,
Leaving grasping hands empty.
I'll keep playing with flames,
Hope that they melt the ice.
So one day your wall may crumble, (Sorry about the earlier red mark! This clarifies it. Never mind! And you can learn to trust again.
Perhaps you need help,
Searching so desperately.
Grasp my hand,
That I'm holding out.
We'll learn to fly together,
But we have to overcome the fall.
And spread our fledgling wings,
And believe.
Just believe (This is the greatest ending ever! I love the aprt about the fledgliings and learning to fly together. It's cliche, but you put a new twist on it. And the beleive, just beleive part is also amazing. It's so perfect and mellow and calm and peacefully and happy. .

So, basically what I'm trying to say is I loved it! You are a truly amazing writer. If this isn't your favorite poem then what is???? Tell me, please, and I'll reveiw it! Great job, and keep writing!
Bye!
-Cammie