Can't Help It

Her best friend condemned her,
For the things she felt inside.
Her best friend now hates her,
Because she has to hide.

Now tell me something,
Who's fault could that be?
Surely, it's not hers.
You can't blame her for loving
a girl.

You can't help who you love!

And we love with passion.
Oh we love with peace.
We love so truly,
It'd bring you to your knees.

And we can't help it,
So why do we have to hide?
It's who we are!
It's how we feel inside!
oh yeah!

You can't help who you love.

She's my girlfriend.
And I hate to see her loss.
She knows I love her,
But love comes at a cost.

I wish I could change
What the people think we are.
We just want to love.
Why do you make it so hard
on us?

We can't help who we love.

Who would want this?
Always have to be cautious.
Who wants neglection?
Who wants people that fear us?

Only at thirteen
and already I'm done.
I don't know how long I
Can keep myself strong
through this.

I wish I couldn't love.

So why do you hate us?
Do you like to make us cry?
I'm proud of who I am,
But you make me want die.

Accept me for one day
And I can surely show
That Just because I love a girl,
Doesn't mean I am your foe.

You can't help who you love.

Hey there =]. First off, I'd like to congratulate you for posting this. There have been a few times where I've posted very personal things, and sometimes its hard to do that kind of thing. So congrats on that =] I think the overall message of the poem was fantastic and it's not often when people write about these kinds of things. Now for the nitty gritty. I really liked the first couple stanzas, but somewhere in the middle you lost your rhythm and it didn't flow nearly as well as before. You jumped back on it during the last few stanzas though. I'd change a few words here and there and just try to make it fit. Another thing I would like to mention, is that there is a YWSER, whos profile name is Aylastarr, or something like that, and they're absolutely brilliant. Her stuff is really powerful, and I definitely think you'd like it. But great work =]]]

Hi,

I am so proud that someone has had the guts to do this. I think you did very well[with the "Oh yeah!" being a nice touch.], though there was some grammar. Good job! Please, I don't know you, but please be strong. Some people just don't grasp the full concept of love. You are totally right, it is who you are. You can't help that! You are special and you are you. No one should try to change, judge, or hate that. Society has a tendency to think they are always right, though, usually, they are wrong. When it gets too much to bear, don't let them win. You are beautiful in your way. If anyone judges, you should ask them if they've ever been in love. truelly in love. If they have, they should grasp the concept that it's basically the same thing, it's the same love, except with two girls. If you ever need anyone to talk to, PM me! I'm all ears and will offer as much help as I can.

Farewell and good luck,
A.

It was deep and personal. It was perfect.

Hi! I really liked this poem it was creative and unlike a lot of the other poems that address gay/lesbian relationships. It was very refreshing to read and gave me a new perspectiveon the way love is defined. Also I liked how it was from 1st person and gave you the emotions and feelings that that person was having.
This was my favorite stanza:

"Accept me for one day
And I can surely show
That (The J does not need to be capitalized)Just because I love a girl,
Doesn't mean I am your foe."

I liked the way it rhymed and flowed very nicely, thanks for posting!
Peace,

Snickerdooly

Beautiful. If only all those haters out there could read this.

Her best friend condemned her,
For the things she felt inside.
Her best friend now hates her,
Because she has to hide.

Now tell me something,
Who's fault could that be?
Surely, it's not hers.
You can't blame her for loving a girl.

You can't help who you love!
AndTake out "And" we love with passion.
Oh we love with peace.
We love so truly,
It'd bring you to your knees.

AndTake out "And" we can't help it,
So why do we have to hide?
It's who we are!
It's how we feel inside!
oh yeah!I just feels this interrupts the beautiful flow you had going on. Take out.

You can't help who you love.

She's my girlfriend.
And I hate to see her loss.
She knows I love her,
But love comes at a cost.

I wish I could change
What the people think we are.
We just want to love.
Why do you make it so hard on us?

We can't help who we love.

Who would want this?
Always have to be cautious.
Who wants neglection?
Who wants people that fear us?

Only at thirteen
and already I'm done.
I don't know how long I
Can keep myself strong through this. This part is worded a little wierdly

I wish I couldn't love.
Sotake out so why do you hate us?
Do you like to make us cry?
I'm proud of who I am,
But you make me want die.

Accept me for one day
And I can surely show I'm gonna word it a little differently. "And surely I can show, That just because I love a girl, doens't make me your foe." so you can keep it the way it is i'm just giving your options.
That Just because I love a girl,
Doesn't mean I am your foe.
You can't help who you love

Hello there. As many have already said, well done on sharing something personal. Your resolve is commendable. The content of this piece is good. A touchy subject, but you've succeeded in making it mundane and personal. Now, some notes on technical issues.

Her best friend condemned her, The comma here is not necessary. If you read it out loud the comma creates an unnatural pause here.
For the things she felt inside.
Her best friend now hates her,
Because she has to hide. I don't think the friend hates her because she is hiding something; rather, the friend hates her because of what she is hiding. Perhaps change this line to something like "Because of what she hides."

Now tell me something,
Who's fault could that be?
Surely, it's not hers.
You can't blame her for loving What happened here? You had a four line, a-b-a-b thing going in the first stanza, and it's totally lost here.
a girl. This little snippet is odd. It totally throws out the rhythm you've spent the first two stanzas developing.

You can't help who you love!

And we love with passion.
Oh, we love with peace.
We love so truly,
It'd bring you to your knees.

And we can't help it,
So why do we have to hide?
It's who we are!
It's how we feel inside!
oh yeah! I don't like this at all. Again, it ruins the rhythm of the last two stanzas, and adds nothing much to the overall work, or the message you're promoting. Lose it.

You can't help who you love. Good refrain. I like it.

She's my girlfriend. This line seems a little to short to fit the flow nicely. Perhaps lose the contraction, and make it 'She is my girlfriend.'
And I hate to see her loss.
She knows I love her, Similarly, too short. Perhaps 'She knows that I love her'.
But love comes at a cost.

I wish I could change
What the people think we are. These two lines are ambiguous. Do you want to change what you are, what people think about you, or how people perceive you? Reword this to resolve ambiguity.
We just want to love.
Why do you make it so hard
on us? Again, breaking of the rhythm. I realise there is a pattern (four line stanza, four line and a snippet stanza, refrain), but the addition of the snippet detracts from the work.

We can't help who we love. Good variation of the refrain.

Who would want this?
Always have to be cautious. This line is ambiguous. It should read either 'We always have to be cautious" or Who would want this; / always having to be cautious. Do you see the difference? The first is what you are, and the second asks who would wish to be like that. As it is it could be either, and this unduly confuses the audience.
Who wants neglection?
Who wants people that fear us? This stanza has muddled tense. The first line is past, the second line is ambiguous, and the third and forth are present. Resolve this to be one or the other.

Only at thirteen
and already I'm done. These two lines must be changed. At the moment there are two clauses in this proposition, but the first does not contain a subject. Either add a subject to the first clause ("I'm only thirteen / and already I'm done") or remove the conjunction (i.e. 'and') to make a single clause ("Only at thirteen, / already I'm done.")
I don't know how long I
Can keep myself strong
through this. Again, breaking the flow. Unlike the others, this one is an unnecessary elaboration on the idea. Lose it.

I wish I couldn't love. Interesting variation on the refrain. A good insinuation and implication of ideas. It causes the audience to use their imagination; always a good thing.

So why do you hate us? 'So' is not necessary or correct here. Do away with it.
Do you like to make us cry?
I'm proud of who I am,
But you make me want die.

Accept me for one day
And I can surely show
That Just because I love a girl, 'just' needn't be capitalised, and the comma is not necessary.
Doesn't mean I am your foe.

You can't help who you love.

In summing up, I would like to see you work on improving your phrasing. The best way to do this is to read the poem out loud. Only put commas in places you naturally pause, and shorten or lengthen any lines that do not fit the rhythm well. Also, if you're going to write in free verse, write in free verse. Do not jump between free verse and regular verse unless you really know what you're doing.

K.