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Redwood-Chapter Two

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Redwood
Chapter Two-We Used to be Friends

On Monday morning Hoyt was not at my door. At first I thought maybe he was just running late, not that Hoyt was ever late, but I waited until my mom was practically shoving me out the door to leave. Then I started the walk, our walk, alone. I didn’t bother noticing the slowly stripping trees or to listen to the crunch of the leaves under my feet. I walked so fast I was out of breath when I got to Sophie’s.

“Where’s Hoyt?” she asked, tucking her lip-gloss and keys into her slouch bag as we walked toward the high school.

I shrugged, “he just didn’t show up.”

Sophie stopped, a dark look glazing over her face, “what do you mean? Hoyt never misses school, he never misses anything.”

I felt my heart beat quicken and all the feelings of worry I had spent the whole walk pushing down and talking myself out of came bubbling up, “I’m worried. Should we call him?” I started pulling out my cell phone but Sophie grabbed my hand, pulling me towards school.

“No, he’ll call us. I’m sure he’s fine,” the look had faded, except for in her eyes, which were now a stormy gray instead of their normal vibrant blue, “maybe he’s sick or something, we’ll give him a couple days.” Her words didn’t even seem to convince her. Hoyt was never sick, and he should have already called.

On Thursday Hoyt still hadn’t shown up. Sophie and I hung around after school to see if he would show up for practice. We stood, leaning against the chain link fence that surrounded the track and football field as tall boys in pads and practice jerseys darted past us out to the field.

Sophie grabbed a passing number 7, Zac Newman, by the collar and pulled him back with alarming strength. Zac was co-captain of the team with Hoyt as well as his only real guy friend. Sophie slammed him against the fence and cornered him-which would have been amusing if I wasn’t so worried.

“Have you heard from Hoyt?” she barked at him.

The look of shock slowly faded from his face and he shook his beach boy blond hair, “No, but if you do tell him coach is kicking our asses because of him! He better have a damn good reason for ditching-especially with the big game tomorrow. If Coach lets him stay on the team he will probably bench him, and there are scouts coming.”

I felt the sensation to vomit. The big game, the biggest one of the whole season. Hoyt would never miss tomorrow’s game, especially with scouts coming. We were playing our rivals, the Lyme Lions. Sophie sighed and motioned for Zac to go and he jogged toward the field. The coach started yelling and soon they were all doing sprints.

My phone rang in my pocket and I yanked it out of my pocket hitting answer without looking at the caller id, “hello?” I half hoped to hear Hoyt’s deep tone.

“Honey, why didn’t you tell me they canceled the fall ball?” my mom asked.

I sighed, “Mom, it’s not a good time.”

“Are you still at the school? I just came in because Kevin has a chef friend who offered to cater the dance and the secretary told me it was canceled. So I called your father and he said we should just have it at the vineyard the same night as the Halloween Party. I caught Principal Jameson on his way out and he said that was a fantastic idea-of course we only have a week to get it ready so I’ll need your help, Sophie’s too-“

“Mom! Can I call you back?”

“Well I’m still here, do you girls want to ride into town with me? I have to pick some stuff up and see about a DJ and renting a dance floor.”

I held the phone away from my ear and told Sophie that the Fall Ball was back on. Despite the Hoyt situation she squealed and jumped up and down in true cheerleader fashion.

“Let’s go with your mom. We can call Hoyt while were in town. Plus there’s no way he’ll miss tomorrow.” I nodded and hung up with my mom. We waited by the car until she came out of the school, a list written on a piece of bright orange paper. We drove to Watertown, where one of the Parker Food’s factories was, and my mom headed off muttering about flowers and DJs.

Sophie and I got coffee from Ike’s, a small shop owned by Ike Evans who could make millions if he started a company, and wandered to the city center. I zipped my jacket all the way up to fight the chilly breeze sending shivers through my body. Sophie pulled out her cell and dialed, sighing when Hoyt didn’t answered. She dialed again only to get his voicemail again, “Well, I didn’t think he would answer but I’m sure we’ll see him tomorrow.”

She cozied up next to me, “I’m really worried,” I said.

“Me too,” she took a sip of coffee, “I’m worried about you too. You’ve been acting weird lately and, no offense, but you look like hell.” It was true. I had stopped doing my hair all together and make up was pointless now. The dark circles forming under my eyes could not be stopped. Every time I moved the soreness that clung to my joints stabbed at me.

I sighed. I’d only talked to Hoyt and Sophie about my abduction once. It was a few weeks after we’d become friends when Sophie could withhold her curiosity no longer. When she asked me what happened Hoyt gave her one of the Oh, Sophie looks he was so good at. I told them I couldn’t remember anything and that I never wanted to talk about it again, and they dropped it. We never talked about it again. When people at school would start to bring it up Sophie would use her angry glare to scare them away and Hoyt would threaten to beat them up, which felt like having my own personal bodyguards. Soon nobody messed with us. We became somewhat isolated from the rest of the school; the type of people everyone knew but nobody knew anything about.

I looked down at the Styrofoam edge of my cup that I’d been picking at. There were little, squishy white balls of Styrofoam floating in what was left of my coffee and the rest lay littered on the ground, soon to be picked up and carried away by the wind. I could feel the tears threatening the back of my eyes. I hated crying, especially in front of someone, “I’ve been having nightmares,” I said, not daring to look at Sophie.

“About what?” her tone was quiet and tender. When I felt her hand on my shoulder a tear rolled down my cheek, “Brennan, tell me what’s wrong, you’re scaring me.”

I wiped the tear away, “It started two weeks ago. And it’s stupid, but I dreamed about those dogs the night it happened. I could see them being killed. And ever since then I’ve been remembering the dreams. I mean, usually, when I used to get them, I couldn’t remember them. But now… I don’t know if I’m remembering from when he… when I was… abducted,” the word came out with another tear, “or w-what, but I can remember them…they’re so v-vivid, and I’m scared.” I started full on sobbing.

“Oh Bren,” she wrapped both arms around me, “why didn’t you tell me sooner? That’s why you have best friends, so you can tell them when shit like this happens.”

“D-don’t tell anyone, okay? Especially not Hoyt, he already has enough going on with Axel.”

“I promise I won’t say anything. But I think you should tell someone, maybe get some help.” She pulled back and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I told you,” I said, wiping at my eyes and offering her a weak smile, “besides, I’ve done the whole therapy thing. If I go down that road again it’s just going to make things worse. It would be too hard on my mom and dad.”

As much as I wanted to ignore the nightmares and hope they’d go away it felt good to tell someone. Sophie was a good listener and even better at keeping a secret. I was glad I had one less person to lie to, even if the scales weren’t exactly balanced.

The next day Hoyt still wasn’t at school. Zac came up to Sophie and I between classes, his hands tucked in the pockets of his faded jeans.

“Have you seen him?” he asked Sophie.

She shook her head, her blonde locks swaying with the motion, “He won’t answer his phone either.” Sophie turned to Zac, “you’ve met Zac right?” Zac had moved to Redwood a few months after I started school. I usually only saw him when he was with Hoyt or at parties or dances. We never had classes together and we barely ever spoke.

He turned to me and smiled crookedly. His golden hair seemed to match the set of muscles he’s acquired over the summer he spent surfing in California. His brown eyes only added to the warm tones of his skin and hair, he looked like a ray of sunshine dressed in jeans and a nicely fitting V-neck. Sophie had had an on and off crush on him for a few years and even though she could have him in a second because of how gorgeous she was she never went for it. I didn’t understand why.

“Of course I’ve met Brennan,” he smiled again then turned back to Sophie, “so I heard the Fall Ball is back on, next weekend.”

She leaned back against her locker, clutching her books over her red and gold cheerleader’s uniform. He leaned against the wall, crossing his muscular biceps over his even more muscular chest, “Yeah?” she said in her flirty voice.

“Well,” he rubbed his chin, “I was thinking we could go, like, together.”

She bit her perfectly glossed lip and batted her even more perfect eyelashes, “I’ll consider your offer and get back to you.”

Surprised by her answer (because dating Zac was the next best thing to dating Hoyt as far as popularity goes, and Hoyt never dated so Zac usually got what-and who he wanted) Sophie took his silence as an opportunity to escape and drag me down the hall before the last period bell rang.

After school I went to the library to do homework until game while Sophie bounced of to find the rest of the beauty brigade to practice cheers. When I had finished all the homework for this week and even some for the next I wandered out to see my mom in the main parking lot. She was unloading the car with blankets and snacks-which we would all be thankful for later. Kevin was in the passenger seat, chatting on his blue tooth-flu free and Scotty was trying to unstrap Ryan from his car seat.

“Somebody just give me some scissors!” he shouted in exasperation. Kevin reached back and unclasped it with one hand, while sending a text with the other. I helped my mom carry blankets and then, looking like a circus side show, we made our way down the bleachers to the Parker family row, which was already occupied with my dad, John, and Angela.

The other team was stretching and warming up but the Redwood Timberwolves hadn’t taken the field. I caught Sophie’s eye and she waved at me with her pom pom. As more people started arriving and the sun began to set the loudspeaker came on and the band started playing. The announcer started reading the starting line up and my heart sank when Hoyt’s name wasn’t called. As the red jersey’s darted onto the field to start the warm up my heart seemed to beat with the same loud, intensity as the drums in the band. 67. 67. 67. I didn’t see Hoyt’s number anywhere. I glanced at Sophie, standing on her tiptoes and scanning the field. She turned and caught my attention. Even from the distance I could read the look on her face, not good.

“Where’s Hoyt?” my mom asked, already wrapped up in a giant fleece blanket, leaving only her face bare to the wind.

I shook my head, “I don’t know.”

The first half dragged on until finally we were losing and the boys traipsed off the field, heads hanging. I made my way down the frozen bleachers to the chain link fence. Sophie dropped her pom poms and ran towards me, “this isn’t good, he should be here.”

“I’m going to find him,” I said, my mind had already been made up for hours. If he didn’t show I was going to his door and knocking until he answered.

Sophie worried on her bottom lip, “I don’t know Bren.”

“I’ll be fine, I’ll cut through the woods.” I turned to go but she grabbed me by the arm.

“I think this is a bad idea but I won’t stop you. I’m coming over to stay the night after the game so I’ll see you there? I’ll cover for you with your mom, okay?”

I smiled and nodded at her before turning towards the school. I glanced back up at my family but they were too absorbed in the half time show to notice me edging towards the woods. Dusk had taken over and within the thickness of the trees it was even darker. I pulled out my phone, which provided a little, dull illumination so at least I wouldn’t trip. Hoyt had showed me once the path he followed to get from the Reed Estate to the fields when he was running late for practice.

After 20 minutes of what felt like aimless wandering I saw a glow of yellow light and a clearing ahead. Picking up the pace I emerged onto the edge of the trees bordering the main house of the Estate. The Reed’s land included most of the forest in Redwood and stretched out to the border of the next county. But the mansion was the real gem of the package. Originally built in England in the 1600’s Hoyt’s great, great grandfather had it moved when his family immigrated to America. Since then it had been restored to its former glory and beyond. The white façade stood out beautifully against the backdrop of changing forest. We rarely hung out at the Reed Estate as Hoyt hated it and it felt more like being in place where we couldn’t touch anything, like a museum, than a place we could hang out. But I loved it when we did. Sometimes, when I walked through it, I felt like Elizabeth Bennett walking through Pemberly. I didn’t know much about Hoyt’s family but the whole Reed history was displayed on the walls and in the rooms of the Estate.

Closing the distance between the grand front door and myself in record time I practically threw myself against the doorbell. After a few minutes I pressed my ear to the door, hoping to hear footsteps. I rang the bell again and again until finally I heard an annoyed, “Alright! I’m coming!”

Then the door opened and Hoyt looked at me, to my disappointment, like I was an annoying salesperson, “Brennan, what the hell are you doing here?” He pulled the door tight against him so I couldn’t look inside.

“Sophie and I have been worried about you!” I shouted.

Guilt played across his face and his tone softened, “I know. I’m sorry. Look…it’s just not a good time right now. I promise I’m okay, but you need to go.”

“Just talk to-“ a loud crash cut me off Hoyt glanced behind him. A few moments later there was a loud thump and he looked at me, eyes wide.

“Brennan please leave, and don’t come back. I don’t want you here.” His words cut in to me. Hoyt had never hurt me before and he never would. Something was going on; “You need to leave now!” his tone was more urgent.

I tried to step forward but jumped back when something hit the door, slamming it shut. I heard more crashes and a grunting noise then the door flung open again. Axel stood there, looking beautiful, but there was something slightly off in his eyes which seemed colder and darker than when I first met him. He gave me his wicked Colgate smile and started to lunge forward at me, as if he was going to tackle me, only to be dragged back by Hoyt, “Brennan, run!” Hoyt yelled. I couldn’t move. What was wrong with Axel? “Run!” Hoyt shouted again and I did.

I ran through the woods towards home, the branches reaching out like hands to grab me like in Snow White. Everything looked like a monster and images of my nightmares seemed to come to life. Even though I knew he wasn’t it felt like he was chasing me, trying to catch me again, to take me away forever.

I didn’t stop running until I was in my room where I collapsed to the ground, my chest heaving. “I don’t want you here,” he had said. And I couldn’t help but think that the look in his eyes was fear. I contemplated calling my parents, or maybe the police. Would Axle hurt Hoyt? Would he do worse than hurt him? I paced back and forth, picking up my cell phone then putting it back down. I couldn’t call Sophie, she was cheering. All I could do was wait for her to get to my house.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
There is chapter two of the REWRITTEN version. If you reach chapter one and some things aren't connecting it's because I went back and edited it again, making some changes. You can find chapter one as part of this Novel so scroll back up and click on that "View this Novel" button thingy.

I really appreciate feedback and hope you guys are enjoying reading Redwood as much as I'm enjoying writing it!

Thank!
-RL
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it.

-Benjamin Mee




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Hey there RL!

I'm Tanya, here for a review.

First things first, this seems to be a good concept. I like the friendship between Bren and Sophie. They seem quite close, which is definitely something I can relate to.

a few things to work on. At the beginning, you didn't capitalise any of the dialogue. That needs to be corrected. I didn't quote them because they'll be easy to spot, but you did a good job for the rest of the work.

Something else I suggest you work on: Showing, not telling
Click on the blue link and read. It helped me out a lot.

The thing is, you do a whole lot of telling during your story, and we don't get a good idea of the setting, of what's happening. The best example I can give you right now is when she is fleeing Hoyt's. She says her life is passing in front of her eyes. Well, what was it like? What important parts are appearing? What details? She's running through a scary forest, but what does it look like, what makes it scary?

Also, this is only the second chapter, right? So, all the characters you speak of, were they in the first? Because there was a whole lot of name dropping here, but I had no idea who anyone was, and frankly, I didn't care. Why would I, in my mind they were just figures floating and filling space.

My biggest issue here is about how Hoyt has disappeared. They make such a big issue out of it, they're panicking, but they don't call or go visit. If we was ill, maybe he needed his friends, no? But no, they wait to halfway through the BIG GAME to go see him. And they wait two days before finally calling him.

When Bren goes to see him, he's fine, but how does she feel? Is she relieved that he's alright and whole? Is she mad that he's obviously fine but couldn't be bothered to call?

The thing with writing in first person, is that you're plugging your reader directly into your MC's mind. If someone was in your own mind, they would get immediate feedback on all you're feeling and thinking. So, why don't we know how Bren feels? If we can't feel her emotions or know her thoughts, how can we be brought to like her as a character, when we don't know her?

And what of her abduction? Did she mention it in the previous chapter? Because that's a definite shocker. It should have more emphasis on it, if it wasn't mentioned, or not mentioned at all in this chapter. But maybe that's just me.

Well! I think I've gone around all the points that bothered me. But you definitely have intrigued me. I'm interested in finding out what's happening with Axel and Hoyt.

Hope this review helped!
Tanya :D



I wouldn't think "impossible" was even in your vocabulary.
— Sharpay Evans, High School Musical