Not What You See prologue

Spoiler

If I get good reviews and enough likes, I'm going to try to get this published. So if you like it, say something!!! Also, I love getting advice. Any ideas on a better beginning.

The following was found in the novel written by WhatElse, published under the title of Last Chance.

"The truth is, I don't own a mirror. I haven't ever seen my reflection. No one else has seen me. Most of us have never left our houses. All but one. Me. We're connected through our eyescreens, and that's enough for most. As far as I know, I'm the only one ever to intentionally shut off her eyescreen, ever to question them.
The future is not what we thought it would be, is it? Is this what you wanted when you made the eyescreen in the first place? For all contact, real, human contact, to be eliminated?"



WhatElse went missing from the nets two days after this was published. She has not been found, though the leaders of the world haven't tried to look that hard. They are spending more time trying to remove the book from the nets.
You see, it contains content that would hurt the leaders, should it be mass-published by a journal or blog on the nets.
Unfortunately for them, it seems WhatElse was quite the genius. She set up a security system that cannot be bypassed- currently.
The leaders get closer to breaking through it every day, and when it is gone, the rare element of truth vanishes with it.
WhatElse is trying to find a place in the world, some place, somewhere, that eyescreens aren't real. Well, they're real everywhere, but somewhere they have to be banned, or rare, or just frowned upon. Somewhere, the element of truth is not rare.

I like it, but it's hardly a prologue. It's more like a blurb. Overall I could see you developing a strong tale around this idea and I'd wish you bet of luck there. No grammar or spelling errors, though you could easily break up the punhy lines withcommas to help flow. Just know that it's far more difficult to be published than you think and you need to be committed to spending at least a year writti g and editing and editing again. I have a finished novel and an agents requested pages so here's hoping it believe me when I tell you it was a bitch to write the 216 pages I did. Can you do that? I not don't waste your time on a story that you don't love when you can have dozens o shorter pieces of equal strength.

Good luck, I enjoyed this snippet.

Yeah. I plan to make it long, and thanks for the advice. I'm nothing if not stubborn and determined, and having a book published has been a dream since I learned how to write. I know exactly where I'm going with this, don't worry.
Good luck with your book!

Great start, but I agree with mikepyro; it is too short. Are you going to add to this as a prologue, or use it as the blurb? Either one would work, and I can definitely see a fantastic novel coming out of this, if you work hard. Good luck with the rest! Let me know when the next bit is finished. You can post on my wall or pm me, either works.

I added to it, if you're interested.

Wow... That really caught my attention. It's a great piece- no spelling or grammar errors that I could see, however, there was one thing that did bother me.

Unfortunately for them, it seems WhatElse was quite the genius. She set up a security system that cannot be bypassed. Currently.

The only thing that really bothered me in that thought was:

...cannot be bypassed. Currently.

I just felt that it would flow better if it was:

... cannot be bypassed– currently.

I just think it would help the flow be less choppy.


Other than that, it was really short and I would really like to know more. Like the others said, it was sort of a blurb (and a great one at that), and I would really like if it explained a little more and it was a little longer.

Anyway, it really caught my attention. I intend to keep reading this story! Please, for the love of God, keep going! You've written a great piece!

It's interesting, though a little difficult to follow because it hops around a little. Can't wait to read the first chapter

Though it's rather short, it seems you've got an interesting idea to start with. Do you plan to extend this? If not, it could make a good blurb... Someone's probably already said that though.

There is probably so much to say during this prologue, rather than cutting it up short. It actually reminds me of a case file in a video game that we had to play for Tech Class. In a good way, seeing as the case files were the only interesting part of that game.

Anyway, enough of my ramble. Overall, you're off to a good start and I hope to see more!:)