The Elephant and the Mouse (Contest Entry)

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A contest entry. My word was little. contests/viewcontest.php?id=19


And so the elephant was afraid of the mouse.
When it was young and felt small,
its father taught it big words
that spoke of little things.
Minuscule, insignificant, inconsequential...
And its mother told it not to be afraid.

The first time the elephant met the mouse,
it remembered a moment it was younger and smaller,
when its trunk ruffled and painted a picture
that depicted the little things.
Pump, swell, swish...
And its mind told it not to be afraid.

Now the elephant had to haul itself backwards,
as each wrinkled flap of skin shied away in fright.
Having known brush bristles,
the elephant realized the little things were complex.
Knotty, elaborate, complicated...
And its heart told it not to be afraid.

And so the elephant was afraid of the mouse.
It knew that problems themselves were actually very small,
but the more details they had
then the worse they grew to become.
Designed, assigned, numerous...
And it told itself not to be afraid.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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I like this. Very well written and very good at the description, but one line i did get held up on when I was reading was,
"it remembered a moment it was younger and smaller,"
It might read better if you put a 'when' before the second 'it'. But all in all very good and i really enjoyed reading it! Gave me more of an idea of why and elephant would be afraid of a mouse. Thumbs up!
in a world full of copycats be an original




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This was wonderfully written, and seems very deep (although my brain is too mush right now to process it). I think the rhythm was nice, and for some reason this seemed like a very soft, calm poem. I like the imagery that you used, and also the way you repeated, "____ told it not to be afraid." I actually just now noticed that, and I think it has something to do with maturing, (you know, his mother, then, his mind, heart, and finally himself?), but like I said I'm a bit dillusional right now. @.@ So, in conclusion, this was a really cool poem and I'm hoping to see it featured. And I love your avatar.
-Dai
P.S. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I might have made in this post. I sincerely apologize.
Oh, I wish I was punk-rocker with flowers in my hair.



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