Escapism

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This is my first short story post so I'm a little nervous (but don't let that stop you from slating it.)
This is only the beginning of a story because I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet; I just knew that I wanted to write.
If you read it, please review it, even if you hate it! :) PLEASE BE HARSH.


A new view. A new place. A new life. I remember being young, discovering as much as I could, exploring the places I knew and the places I didn’t. The ample distraction gained from a break in a play park, testing the assortment of heights, textures and movements. That’s how I feel now, that one feeling that never fails to exhilarate me. Some people get it from music, I guess some from sport and others from films and books. For me it’s this: Freedom.
I can’t put a label on it so I’ll tell you what it’s like, the feeling that is. It’s like flying. It’s like singing with so much enthusiasm that you can’t keep it contained in one room (so you have to throw the windows open like a Disney Film).
In relation to something you can see, If you’ve ever watched Slumdog Millionaire (and if you haven’t you need to) where the two brothers sprint through the streets with buildings and various other objects flicking past whilst the camera pans onwards with them from the side. The sense of speed you get, when nothing can outrun you. The ability to be a person you never thought you could be, but always wished you were, within that Utopia.
My point is that it’s an escape. That’s why even as I sit here, barely listening to Hal telling me to remember to stay safe and to follow the map plotted from the pack the previous tenant gave us, I’m listing every way possible to avoid doing so.
Last edited by AirWalker on Sun Jul 03, 2011 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Hi! :D I'm here to review!

It's very confusing up until the last paragraph. It was like babbling about something but I had no idea what at first. The part about being young is a bit pointless if you're not going to talk more about the change in being older. And by young, what do you mean? How young? We discover different things in all ages of our childhood, so please explain.

Other than that, it's pretty good. I look forward to reading the rest.
Remember me for who I am, Not for who I was




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Hi!
Yeah, re-reading it, I can see how it gets confusing. The first few paragraphs pretty much describe "the feeling" that the narrator gets from escape. I included the sections about the child to describe the feeling of being able to explore, as i said to have "freedom."
With regards to the age of the narrator as a child, young enough to be in a play park.

Thank you so much for reviewing. I will update this and make it less confusing! :)




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I totally understood what you were saying about freedom, and by the way I do feel this way about music, but I agree with halogirl about the last paragraph. I was confused as to whether you were at hogwarts or were using it as an example. It was a cool start though. I didn't really see how you could go on with the story as I was confused at the ending. You have a knack for description- I could see\feel what you were talking about very vividly, but my advice would be to work on the plot and characters. Good job on the description!!!
BE FIERCE!!!!!!



Anne felt that life was really not worth living without puffed sleeves.
— L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables