What we have become....

Your story is about a mathematician behind closed doors singing wicked....

As my last student files out of the classroom I take off my glasses and rub my eyes. It has been a long day of grading and working with people who really hate me. It's not easy being a math teacher...no one seems to appreciate math. I get called the old bald hag at times. It's really quite a depressing job.


As a matter of fact my real aspiration was to be a singer on Broadway. I wanted to star in a musical. I was inspired as a young man, by the ingenious musical 'Wicked'. Unfortunately, my dreams were crushed when they told me I was too short, too fat, and the fact that I was already losing my hair was definitely not attractive. On the bright side they said I had an impeccable voice and that I was a good actor. They recommended I try out for the church choir.


For days after that I was so self conscious I spent hours in front of a mirror with a comb trying to cover up my bald spot. I tried to lose weight and I even tried a daily exercise routine. I just wanted to be accepted in society as someone likeable.

Sadly, you can't stop hair from falling out, diets almost never work unless you have lots of money, and I was never the athletic type.

I strived to be who I could not be to please people who could care less about who I am as a person. So I gave up and became the outcast known as a teacher. The people who are hardly given the appreciation they deserve and are your average nobodies.This is what society has done to many people like me. We are the ones who long to be special but can't be because we don't fit the 'cookie-cutter' style created by society. It isn't fair being forced to do things because you are judged 'not good enough'.

That's how I ended up here, behind my closed door singing to 'Wicked' at the top of my lungs alone in a class room where no one can hear me.

As I sing out my final note and turn off the music, I hear clapping from the doorway.

One of my students is applauding me. “That was really good Mr. Martin, you should be on Broadway!"

I smile, hope is not lost, the young and the innocent, untainted by society will recognize that everyone is unique. That everyone is special in their own way. That the way we look will not define who we are inside. What true value is...

I really like this piece! I think you do a good job conveying emotion in the narrative style. Keep it up!

I like this it is sweet!

Keep writing,
~FW~

Hello friend,

Bravo. This piece really teaches a valuable lesson and can actually give someone a confidence boost. You are 100% right about how society labels people and also how math and teachers are not appreciated enough. I really like this piece and the lessons that are mixed into it. I really think if they have a good voice and are a good actor[broadway-wise, trying to be story related], then they should be allowed to do what they love. It doesn't matter what someone looks like and it doesn't matter if they've been through some things and are angry/sad/etc. It doesn't matter. It's how they are and the passion they bring forth when they do something they love. Wether they are a teacher, a scholar, artist, actor, writer, etc. We all are valuable, as your story clearly states. I found no errors, but I was also not looking; I was enjoying the story. Well, keep doing what you do. Always remember: Have fun!

Farewell,
A.

So I really like the things that this piece wants to deal with. It wants to deal with first the feeling of someone who has given up, understanding (or believing) that there is no way for them to progress past the place where they are. That there's just no opportunity for them to move forward. It also wants to deal with the feeling of innocence, the fact that people weren't always like that. They had to grow to accept this. But this is a short piece. We had 1,000 words to express ourselves, which means we need to cut it down to dealing with one thing. And, innocence is hard to write about from innocence's point of view, so what would be really cool would be if you focused on the feelings of giving up.

Save the explanation of everything that came before, going from the beginning to where we are now. Start with something that HAPPENS. In the piece that you have, the only thing that happens is at the end, when the student hears the teacher. That's an okay thing to happen, but right now it's bent toward innocence. If you wanted to focus on despair, the teacher might react differently, staying inside his thought that he can't move forward instead of reaching out and saying 'oh maybe there's hope'. But start with something happening. Then move forward. If you find that the reader needs some explanation, add a little in.

Here's another thing, though. Right now, most of the piece feels like we're really far away from it, because you gloss through time so quickly. The only time you really hit a scene is, again, at the end, when you dip down into time moving at its normal pace. So you want to add in some explanation, but you don't want to take us too far out of real time, so you have to find a way that the explanation fits naturally in, maybe with the natural progression of the teacher's thoughts at that time, not thinking about his life as a whole.

I think if you explored his feelings more, this would be a really interesting piece. I feel his despair, but too quietly. I want to feel it and understand it more clearly. He deserves closer examination, and though you're working in a smaller space, that just means it takes more focus.

Please let me know if you have any questions about what I've said. It's 1am and I might have stopped making sense.

Good luck!

Hannah