Tongue Tied

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
Theme: My story is about a linguist in a storeroom clicking the wrong ‘X’.

“Paper needed!” Colin gestured to the printer in front of him, looking at me meaningfully.

“What?” I said. “Am I some sort of servant now?”

Colin shook his head and sighed, still pointing at the printer.

“I can’t very well leave my work here, can I?” He asked.

This time, I sighed. Neatly stacking the books I’d been using into a pile, I got up from the library desk.

“If my seat is taken when I get back, I’m blaming you!” I pointed at Colin and he shrugged as if the disruption of my work was no big deal. The essay I was working on was the last of the semester. The sooner it was finished, the quicker my summer could begin.

I trudged down the corridor to the store room which was conveniently open for use. As I stepped into the pitch black room, I couldn’t see a thing. Mentally cursing Colin for making me run errands for him, I reached for the light, thinking there would be pull down switch. No such luck.

My fingers traced the walls which were cold, and strangely a little damp. Finally, I found a switch and gladly clicked it without hesitation. Instead of the room being illuminated with light however, I heard a strange beeping sound and the door banged shut behind me. I held my breath for any more alarming sounds, but it had suddenly turned eerily silent.

My hands locked around the door handle in the dark and twisted. Just as I had feared, I was locked in this pitch black store room where God only knows what other creatures made their homes.

Again, searching for the light switch, I ran my fingers along the walls. Before, they had seemed rough and damp. Now though, they were smooth and felt like metal. The switch must have locked the doors, but could it have locked the walls too?

I hated being blind, and I was getting more and more frantic by the second. I used both my hands to attack the walls to try and find a light switch, and eventually I found one. I braced myself for the effects of clicking this one, but was relieved to see that it actually was a light switch this time. Or so I thought.

As the room came into view, I realised that this was no store room. It was much bigger. After further investigation, I noticed it looked exactly like the library I had just left, except… backwards.

Making my way over to a similar table I had just moments ago been working on, I noticed two huddled figures poring over a book. This stopped me in my tracks. I had never seen anything so dream-like in my life. I tapped the girl on her shoulder.

“Excuse me…” But my words dried up in my throat. The girl did not hear me. Neither did the boy. I was looking at me and Colin.

My brain refused to believe it and I walked round to the front of the table to get a better look. Sure enough, there I was, cuddled up to Colin and whispering over a book we were paying no attention to.

Sick rose up in my throat. How could this be real? Firstly, how could I be in two places at once, and secondly, how could I be cuddling up to annoying Colin?

I turned back round to where I had come from and noticed the one metal wall and door I had felt in the dark. Running wildly back to it, I mentally cursed Colin, conjuring up all sorts of profanities and satisfying ways to describe him that only a linguist like me would know.

I yanked on the door handle but it dissolved into my hand and disappeared. Soon, the walls did the same and it just became part of the library. I screamed and hit the wall, shouting for someone to help.

A noise to my right made me turn around again. It sounded like paper falling to the ground. My eyes scanned the room until they found the printer. That blasted printer.

It was spewing paper like there was an infinite amount inside, and I hurried over to it. I clicked the stop button but nothing happened. Instead, I scooped up sheet after sheet of paper, trying to stop the flow, constantly becoming more irritated and worried I was going mental.

Soon, the printer dissolved into nothing, and I was left holding the paper. I whipped my head around to view the room again, but it was all still the same. Except for the two figures. Or should I say, me and Colin.

They were heading for the door which had suddenly materialised again. I hurried after them and slowed as I watched them float through it. After they had gone, the door reopened. I rushed forward and got through it just before it closed again. Looking back at the door, I saw it was padlocked. Impossible…

I searched the corridor wildly. It was the same as when I’d left it. From the real library down the corridor, Colin popped his head out.

“What’s taking you so long?” Again, I mentally cursed him.

Composing myself, I walked back to the library, thrust the crumpled paper into his arms and sat back at my desk, breathing heavily. The words of my essay jumbled around the page when I looked at them, and I couldn’t focus. I rubbed my head, trying to make sense of what had happened. Colin was looking at me with narrowed eyes.

“Why is the paper crumpled, Georgia?”
Last edited by CharlotteW on Tue Jun 21, 2011 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't judge a book by its movie.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2973
Reviews 102
Hi ya there!
Wow, I really enjoyed your story it clipped along at a nice pace, took me for a spin, then set my down feeling a bit flustered but satisfied. (Sorry, that's just how my brain works, lol!) I liked the odd world she accidentally slipped into though it was slightly confusing and all why/how it happened and then what was going on between Colin and her. Was it like a world where their feelings for each other were opposite the real ones? Just curious. I am envious of those who can write short stories. I tried an attempt and think I utterly failed as I feel it is merely a squashed chapter out of a novel. Here on the other hand you did it very successfully. Bravo and good luck!
~Dakota Knight
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
Hi DakotaK!

Thank you for your kind comments :D

Yeah it's meant to leave you a little confused, to make you think about what happened and where she went.

Yes, it was kind of like a mirror world, where everything was opposite, including her relationship with Colin :)

Aww I'm sure you could do if you got the right inspiration. Sometimes it takes a while to think of something original.

Thanks again :)

Charlotte
Don't judge a book by its movie.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 803
Reviews 58
Alrighty! :D I think this story is a great one. Kudos to you for being able to bring your characters to life in such a limited time. I've read too many stories with flat characters :P Also, kudos for such crazy visuals! I could see everything very easily, and what I saw was pretty darn groovy, I must say. It was an interesting read, which is always a plus. :P

I think the only cons I could point out are occasional. There's nothing profoundly wrong with this at all, and I think it's actually very well written. :D To be honest, the only thing I don't like is one point where you said "Or so I thought." Just seems a little lower level writing, which I think you could easily fix up. :D Also, "Or should I say..." The sentence that says "It was like a mirror image" could probably be vamped up a bit. I just think it's too much of an obvious description, but it isn't a bad one. I just think you could probably put it together more creatively. This is, of course, all up to you if you want to change that, since it isn't really that big of a deal.

Overall, great story! And best of luck :{D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
spinelli wrote:Alrighty! :D I think this story is a great one. Kudos to you for being able to bring your characters to life in such a limited time. I've read too many stories with flat characters :P Also, kudos for such crazy visuals! I could see everything very easily, and what I saw was pretty darn groovy, I must say. It was an interesting read, which is always a plus. :P

I think the only cons I could point out are occasional. There's nothing profoundly wrong with this at all, and I think it's actually very well written. :D To be honest, the only thing I don't like is one point where you said "Or so I thought." Just seems a little lower level writing, which I think you could easily fix up. :D Also, "Or should I say..." The sentence that says "It was like a mirror image" could probably be vamped up a bit. I just think it's too much of an obvious description, but it isn't a bad one. I just think you could probably put it together more creatively. This is, of course, all up to you if you want to change that, since it isn't really that big of a deal.

Overall, great story! And best of luck :{D



Hi there :)

Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked it!

I understand what you're saying, and I did consider those points myself but at the time I couldn't really think of anything better to write haha! I will tweak it if I get any more inspiration, but thanks again for the feedback!

Charlotte
Don't judge a book by its movie.



If you know what the tip of a shoelace is called, Congratulations, you watched Phineas and Ferb!
— FireEyes