Not as They Seem chapt. 6 & 7

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Not as They Seem
Chapt. 6

I scanned over the documents with wide, bugged eyes. My heart was pounding the whole time as reality slowly began to hit me.

I made a checklist, on a blank sheet of white paper and wrote down helpful information. I realized that Phil might actually be a werewolf! Which is bad….
Deep inside my brain, images of him dragging me away and making me his furry princess flashed in my mind and I shoved the thoughts out. From all the stuff I had read, werewolves were not pleasant little puppies hopping around in the woods. They were blood lusted, clawed beasts that shred apart anyone who messed with them. Especially people who pissed them off a good bit off the charts. I wonder why Phil hadn’t torn me apart?

Maybe he loves me! Uhh, no. I cut out the thought and focused on the article I was reading now. There were so many different references on werewolves. Bloody monsters, romantic heroes, obsessive freaks who’s best friends with a human chick who’s madly and disgustingly in love with a sparkly vampire boyfriend?
If Phil could go furry, the thought couldn’t come to me of Phil actually killing someone. Phil was harmless, he was sweet and protective. I mean, he’s protecting me from a psycho vampire. Of course, now I realize, what if Phil and the vampire were teamed up? Both wanting me to marry them, both wanting me to become some twisted werepire? Hopefully they did not exist.

I winced at the ending of the article. Other then the killing, Phil was the perfect description of a werewolf. Which made my stomach clench even harder.

I needed a plan. I had to get away from Phil (without pissing him off) and not get clawed to death. The only reason he was probably helping me was because he hated vampires and protect the world from one less lonely vampire. My stomach bubbled with fear and angry as I jerked up from my computer desk and strode to my room. I dumped a smallish suitcase onto my bed and began to stuff the necessary items into it. I had to get out before he came back.
***
I finish with my bags, dragging them all to my car down below. I had said goodbye to my, apparently dead, goldfish and Cookie. His replied to me with a hearty and snatched at my hand. I just smiled, blew him a kiss, and strolled out.

I slipped into the passenger seat and cranked the engine to life, then drove out.

Not as They Seem
Chapt. 7

I was parked at a red light, twenty minutes away from my apartment. Traffic was like cattle this late in the afternoon, everyone was excused from work to have lunch. I sighed and sipped at my drink I had picked up at the nearest McDonalds. I glanced to the car on my right, admiring the glow of the blue car and the cute red head guy in it. I then looked to the car on my right and nearly swallowed my straw when my eyes met dark grey ones. He winked at me and his car sped off like lightning as the light turned green. I stared bewildered at the back of his black, sheen car.

The car behind me honked and I blinked twice. Pressing softly down on the peddle, my car moved forward. His car would’ve been a good fifty yards in front of mine if it hadn’t disappeared. My stomach tightened and I slurped hastily on my coke. Bad move.

I coughed roughly, feeling my car slowly turn off the lane until it was jerked back straight. I glanced to my side and screamed as Jonathan gently turned my car back into place and we kept cruising down the road.

“You really should be careful,” he grinned, his glittering grey eyes meeting mine, “could’ve hit one of the street lights back there.”

“H-how……”

“I’m immortal, Robin,” he gave me a are-you-kidding-me look, “I can do pretty much everything. Like this,” he jerked my wheel to the left and I sped in to the opposite lane, the side where all the cars moved the way I was moving. I squealed as a huge pick up truck zoomed towards me. Jonathan’s laughter echoed through my ears as the truck ran into us, going through out car as if it were invisible. My heart was shuddering in my chest and I looked back at it.

“I……..I………”

“I’d never hurt you, Robin,” he said softly, gazing into my eyes, “do you seriously think I’d kill the one person that means the most to me in this damned world?”

I stared at him with bulging big eyes as he shrugged.

“So, why’d you leave your little lover?” He asked stiffly, staring at the road and handling the steering wheel with one hand as if he were driving.

“Um……” I shifted uncomfortably, “I was picking up breakfast.”

He slowly met my eyes, “at one in the afternoon?”

I blushed and smiled softly, “I wake up late.”

He rolled his eyes and focused on the road, the cars blazing through us.

“Who are you going after next?” I asked, quietly after ten minutes of silence.

His eyes met mine and he grinned, “I only allow three hints in the whole game.”

I blinked twice, “I want one now.”

He sighed, “memories, so many memories,” he closed his eyes briefly and leaned forward. His lips to my ear, “just think about that word.”

I bit my lip and frowned at him.

He kissed my cheek softly.

I lifted my eyes to the rushing traffic then at my door, “would they go through my if I was out of the car?”

“No! Don’t do---”

It was to late. My hand turned on the handle and the car in front of us slammed into ours. Glass and blood exploded everywhere and a bloody faced me flashed into my head as my eyes met mine in my rear view mirror.
***
My head felt as if I had spun around in a chair for way to long with my eyes closed. Pain slowly hit my system as I struggled to remember what happened last and where I was. I slowly sucked in a breath of air and coughed.

“She’s awake,” said a smooth voice, and a cold hand brushed over my forehead.

“Thank God,” a masculine and familiar voice said.

I murmured and grunt and slowly sat up. At first, my vision was blurry but I slowly began to focus, like a camera. A pretty nurse stood over me and then…..Phil.

My heart shot out of my chest and I stared at him. He definitely did not look happy.

“Uhh,” I murmured, glancing from the nurse to the werewolf standing in my hospital room, “what happened?”

“You were in a car wreck, sweetie,” the nurse said softly, checking my pulse on my neck, “you miraculously survived and not a scratch on you other then a light concussion.”

“So…..” I gulped, “can I go home?”

“Yes.” Damnit. “We just need to do a couple more tests.”

I nodded slowly as she left the room, most likely going to get the doctor, and left Phil and I alone.

He folded his arms over his chest, frowning and giving me a stern look, “We’ll talk about this tonight.”

I bit my lip as he walked out.


The tests all came out negative for any further brain damage. I only had a concussion, that wasn’t even bad. I slightly wished it was, being that Phil and I still had to chat when we arrived home.

It was around eleven when we walked through the door of my apartment, Cookie meowing loudly in the laundry room and everything else was silent.

Phil strolled stiffly into the living room and switched off the TV he had left on. He’d probably rushed to the hospital to see if I was alright.

I swallowed and slid off my coat and hung it on the coat rack.

“What the hell were you doing out of your apartment?” He growled, folding his arms over his chest. His eyes blazed an electric blue.

“Well…..” I bit my lip and sucked in a breath, “I was having flatulence issues. That’s why I said I was naked in the office; I didn’t want to tell you because---” Because I’m madly in love with you. “---because it’s very embarrassing. So I tossed on my coat and went in the car to try and get some medicine but a real big one came over me and I spun off the lane and hit another car.” Strangely, that seemed like a good story.

He just blankly stared at me, “Strangely, that seems like a good story. But to hell with me believing it.”

I nibbled at my lip and I sank down a bit on the inside.

“Tell me the truth, Robin,” he hissed, clenching his fists under his folded arms.

“I…….” I sighed, “I thought you were a werewolf.”

“That’s it,” he snapped, storming into the kitchen. A few moments later, he trudged back, zebra duck tape in his hand. He jerked me to him and began to wrap my hands together.

“Oh Phil!” I cried as he dropped me down on the couch. Unfortunately, he duck taped my feet together and then sat on my stomach.

“Tell me the truth,” he snapped, pinning my shoulders to the couch, “or I’ll keep you here all night.”

“I did! I thought you were---” a crack erupted throughout the house and the front door blew open, revealing our next opponent.
Remember me for who I am, Not for who I was




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Hey there! I really like this. I don't know if you made this funny on purpose but there were two lines that I thought were hilarious.
images of him dragging me away and making me his furry princess flashed in my mind and I shoved the thoughts out.

and
From all the stuff I had read, werewolves were not pleasant little puppies hopping around in the woods.

Again, I don't know if these lines were supposed to be funny but I thought they were in a sarcastic way.
Great work- I can't wait to read more!
-Hope
Books are the ultimate Dumpees: put them down and they'll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they always love you back.
-John Green (An Abundance of Katherines)




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I scanned over the documents with wide, bugged eyes. My heart was pounding the whole time as reality slowly began to hit me.

I made a checklist, on a blank sheet of white paper and wrote down helpful information. I realized that Phil might actually be a werewolf! Which is bad….
Deep inside my brain, images of him dragging me away and making me his furry princess flashed in my mind and I shoved the thoughts out. From all the stuff I had read, werewolves were not pleasant little puppies hopping around in the woods. They were blood lusted, clawed beasts that shred apart anyone who messed with them. Especially people who pissed them off a good bit off the charts. I wonder why Phil hadn’t torn me apart?

Maybe he loves me! Uhh, no. I cut out the thought and focused on the article I was reading now. There were so many different references on werewolves. Bloody monsters, romantic heroes, obsessive freaks who’s best friends with a human chick who’s madly and disgustingly in love with a sparkly vampire boyfriend? This sentence is a little confusing just because it seem's a little to dramatic
I like this part and the characters description of Phil going furry :)
If Phil could go furry, the thought couldn’t come to me of Phil actually killing someone. Phil was harmless, he was sweet and protective. I mean, he’s protecting me from a psycho vampire. Of course, now I realize, what if Phil and the vampire were teamed up? Both wanting me to marry them, both wanting me to become some twisted werepire? Hopefully they did not exist.

I winced at the ending of the article. Other then the killing, Phil was the perfect description of a werewolf. Which made my stomach clench even harder.

I needed a plan. I had to get away from Phil (without pissing him off) and not get clawed to death. The only reason he was probably helping me was because he hated vampires and protect the world from one less lonely vampire. My stomach bubbled with fear and anger as I jerked up from my computer desk and strode to my room. Dumpinga smallish suitcase onto my bed I began to stuff the necessary items into it, I had to get out before he came back.
***
I finish with my bags, and dragthem all to my car down below. I had said goodbye to my, apparently dead, (You don't need a comma here goldfish and Cookie. His reply to me was a hearty goodbye (Not sure what you wanted to say here but a word or description was left out and snatched at my hand. I just smiled, blew him a kiss, and strolled out.

I slipped into the passenger seat and cranked the engine to life, then drove out. I think oyu're starting to overuse the word, "I."

Not as They Seem I like the title :)
Chapt. 7

I was parked at a red light, twenty minutes away from my apartment. Traffic was like cattle this late in the afternoon, everyone was excused from work to have lunch. I sighed and sipped at my drink I had picked up at the nearest McDonalds. I glanced to the car on my right, admiring the glow of the blue car and the cute red head guy in it. I then looked to the car on my right and nearly swallowed my straw when my eyes met dark grey ones. He winked at me and his car sped off like lightning as the light turned green. I stared bewildered at the back of his black, sheen car. Okay this is a really good paragraph and it's really descriptive and interesting but you overused the word I and it's beginning to definitely show so I think you should adit this section and try using other words other than I.

The car behind me honked and I blinked twice. Pressing softly down on the peddle, my car moved forward. His car would’ve been a good fifty yards in front of mine if it hadn’t disappeared. My stomach tightened and I slurped hastily on my coke. Bad move.

I coughed roughly, feeling my car slowly turn off the lane until it was jerked back straight. I glanced to my side and screamed as Jonathan gently turned my car back into place and we kept cruising down the road.

“You really should be careful,” he grinned, his glittering grey eyes meeting mine, “could’ve hit one of the street lights back there.”

“H-how……”

“I’m immortal, Robin,” he gave me a are-you-kidding-me look, “I can do pretty much everything. Like this,” he jerked my wheel to the left and I sped in to the opposite lane, the side where all the cars moved the way I was moving. I squealed as a huge pick up truck zoomed towards me. Jonathan’s laughter echoed through my ears as the truck ran into us, going through out car as if it were invisible. My heart was shuddering in my chest and I looked back at it.

“I……..I………”

“I’d never hurt you, Robin,” he said softly, gazing into my eyes, “do you seriously think I’d kill the one person that means the most to me in this damned world?”

I stared at him with bulging big eyes as he shrugged.

“So, why’d you leave your little lover?” He asked stiffly, staring at the road and handling the steering wheel with one hand as if he were driving.

“Um……” I shifted uncomfortably, “I was picking up breakfast.”

He slowly met my eyes, “At one in the afternoon?”

I blushed and smiled softly, “I wake up late.”

He rolled his eyes and focused on the road, the cars blazing through us.

“Who are you going after next?” I asked, quietly after ten minutes of silence.

His eyes met mine and he grinned, “I only allow three hints in the whole game.”

I blinked twice, “I want one now.”

He sighed, “Memories, so many memories,” he closed his eyes briefly and leaned forward. His lips to my ear, “Just think about that word.”

I bit my lip and frowned at him.

He kissed my cheek softly.

I lifted my eyes to the rushing traffic then to my door, “Would they go through my if I was out of the car?”

“No! Don’t do---”

It was to late. My hand turned on the handle and the car in front of us slammed into ours. Glass and blood exploded everywhere and a bloody faced me flashed into my head as my eyes met mine in my rear view mirror.
***
My head felt as if I had spun around in a chair for way to long with my eyes closed. Pain slowly hit my system as I struggled to remember what happened last and where I was. I slowly sucked in a breath of air and coughed.

“She’s awake,” said a smooth voice, and a cold hand brushed over my forehead.

“Thank God,” a masculine and familiar voice said. Maybe try a different word other than masculine it sounds strange in this context

I murmured and grunt You should delete grunt, it's not needed and slowly sat up. At first, my vision was blurred but I slowly began to focus, like a camera. A pretty nurse stood over me and then…..Phil.

My heart shot out of my chest and I stared at him. He definitely did not look happy.

“Uhh,” I murmured, glancing from the nurse to the werewolf standing in my hospital room, “What happened?”

“You were in a car wreck, sweetie,” the nurse said softly, checking my pulse on my neck, “You miraculously survived and not a scratch on you other then a light concussion.”

“So…..” I gulped, “can I go home?”

“Yes.” Damnit. “We just need to do a couple more tests.”

I nodded slowly as she left the room, most likely going to get the doctor, and left Phil and I alone.

He folded his arms over his chest, frowning and giving me a stern look, “We’ll talk about this tonight.”

I bit my lip as he walked out.


The tests all came out negative for any further brain damage. I only had a concussion, that wasn’t even bad. I slightly wished it was, being that Phil and I still had to chat when we arrived home.

It was around eleven when we walked through the door of my apartment, Cookie meowing loudly in the laundry room and everything else was silent.

Phil strolled stiffly into the living room and switched off the TV he had left on. He’d probably rushed to the hospital to see if I was alright.

I swallowed and slid off my coat and hung it on the coat rack.

“What the hell were you doing out of your apartment?” He growled, folding his arms over his chest. His eyes blazed an electric blue.

“Well…..” I bit my lip and sucked in a breath, “I was having flatulence issues. That’s why I said I was naked in the office; I didn’t want to tell you because---” Because I’m madly in love with you. “---because it’s very embarrassing. So I tossed on my coat and went in the car to try and get some medicine but a real big one came over me and I spun off the lane and hit another car.” Strangely, that seemed like a good story.

He just blankly stared at me, “Strangely, that seems like a good story. But to hell with me believing it.”

I nibbled at my lip and I sank down a bit on the inside.

“Tell me the truth, Robin,” he hissed, clenching his fists under his folded arms.

“I…….” I sighed, “I thought you were a werewolf.”

“That’s it,” he snapped, storming into the kitchen. A few moments later, he trudged back, zebra duck tape in his hand. He jerked me to him and began to wrap my hands together.

“Oh Phil!” I cried as he dropped me down on the couch. Unfortunately, he duck taped my feet together and then sat on my stomach.

“Tell me the truth,” he snapped, pinning my shoulders to the couch, “or I’ll keep you here all night.”

“I did! I thought you were---” a crack erupted throughout the house and the front door blew open, revealing our next opponent.


Overall I liked this chapter, I haven't read the other chapters and that's why it was a little confusing but I'' just have to go read the other chapters. Thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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Hello there. :)

I haven't read all of your novel, but I'm still going to try to review this for you today... Since I think you deserve a review. :)
I'll try to focus on the chapter itself and not how the plot is developing. And also, if I mention something that you covered in the previous chapter, please don't mind me and don't be afraid of telling me that I was wring also. ;)
I realized that Phil might actually be a werewolf!

Werewolves! I'm currently writing a romantic novel about them too. ;)
I wondered why Phil hadn%u2019t torn me apartperiod.

Keep it to past tense! :)
The only reason he was probably helping me was because he hated vampires and protect the world from one less lonely vampire.

I couldn't understand the last bit of this sentence... You might want to try to re-phrase it.
My stomach bubbled with fear and anger as I jerked up from my computer desk and strode to my room.

He replied to me with a hearty and snatched at my hand.

With a hearty... What?
I sped in to the opposite lane, the side where all the cars moved towards, not alongside me.

I re-phrased it so it was a bit less confusing.
Jonathan%u2019s laughter echoed through my ears as the truck ran into us, going through my car as if it were invisible.

%u201CI woke up late.%u201D

I asked, quietly after ten minutes of silence.

You don't need the comma here.

So this seems like a good story, with lots and lots of action. ;) I think you did a good job, and I like the cliff hanger at the end of the chapter. It makes the reader want to read more, and that's always good. :)

Overall you did a nice job. Sorry for the short review, I just don't want to go in details since I don't know the whole story. :P

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466



Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
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