Break that Fall {Chapter4}*edited*

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Chapter 4
Two Weeks later
~"Just dream with me, dream one, sing for em and let em see what you mean! You're my dream one!"~
(Nick)
"Abby, do you really need all this?" Nick groaned carrying the box towards his house.
"Yes, I do. And if you complain anymore, I'll hit you over the head with a piano."
He shivered and clamped his mouth shut, dropping the big box in the middle of the empty room.
"Why, oh why, did I agree you could move into our spare room?" He mumbled turning towards her.
"Because I'm your best friend and you want me to stop coming and waking up in the middle of the night complaining about my family's fights."
"Oh, I have no doubt you won't wake me up with every little thing."
She sighed and rolled her eyes, bending down and beginning to unpack a box. "Youch!" she yelled, grabbing the small of her back.
"What’s the matter?" Nick said, looking up from where he was, in the corner, setting up her bed.
"My back," she gasped, massaging it with her fingers. Nick rose from the floor and started rubbing her back as well, leaning into it.
"Ow, Nick! I'm going to fall over!"
He didn't hear her and continued to pressure her back. Trying to rise, Abby stumbled to the side and fell over, grabbing Nick's arms and bringing him with her.
They lay on the rug, giggling and Abby punching Nick in the stomach over and over again.
"Is that the thanks I get?"
"Yes!" she giggled, "And if you ever do it again, they'll be some more!" She got up and walked back over to the box he had been going through, looking for her posters.
"Is your back okay?"
She nodded, and laughed at the proud look on his face.
"See? I knew me massaging your back would help!"
"It wasn't you who helped! It was... Me! I cracked it when I was punching you."

It was his time to roll his eyes, and he watched, lying on the floor. Watching her, Nick felt the familiar feeling of longing that always came when he was around her. Her honey brown hair hung in sheets and her little pixie nose was red. She was crying again.
The night before, when she and Jake had officially broken up had been an emotional night. She had gone over to Jake's house and broken up with him. When Nick had asked to go, she had refused him, and went alone, and came back sobbing.

She had lain beside him all night, going between sleeping and waking, crying and peace.

She wouldn't let him go and hunt Jake down, hurt him for her hurting his... what is Abby to me? Nick thought, watching her hang her fire and ice poster on the pale blue walls. I know she’s the best thing in my life, but is it love, love or just brotherly love that I feel?
There were no answers, and as he watched her, he knew what he had to do.

(Abigail)
Nick had a really brooding look on his face. Knowing him, he was probably plotting some horrible death for Jake. Oh well, Abby thought, hanging her pink poodle poster, let him dream. Hopefully he is smart enough not to actually do anything.


Rifling through a box of knick knacks, trying to find the pointe shoes to hang on here wall. Where the hell were they? I know I packed them! There! Underneath the Wizard of oz picture frame. Nick was still lying on the floor, looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling fan.
"Nick, I could use some help." she said. He ignored her.
She sighed and pulled her boom box out of her box labeled Electronics. Plugging it up, she hit the play button, and started swaying to 'When and if'
Nick stirred and began to wiggle around, trying to dance while lying down.
Abby giggled and held out her hand to help him up. He started dancing, and she did to, jumping up and down. Too soon, the fast song was over and now a slow one came on. 'Dream One' was one of Abby's favorite songs and she stopped dancing like a chicken and began to sway slowly, back and forth. He ran around and around, jumping up and down, standing on top of the bed frame, and holding a pointe shoe singing into it. "Just dream with me, dream one, sing for em and let em see what you mean! You're my dream one!"
"Oh my God!" Nick said as the lights went out.
The house was pitch black, considering it was about midnight, and the curtains were closed.
Nick crossed the room, and grabbed Abby's hand. "Come on, Mom will have flash lights."

And as the song ended they headed towards the kitchen.
Last edited by LadySpark on Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


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Hello Drama. :)

I'm going to begin with nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression on the plot.
"Why comma, oh why did I agree you could move into our spare room?" he mumbled turning towards her.
"Because I'm your best friend and you want me to stop coming and waking you up in the middle of the night comma, complaining about my families fights."
"Oh, I have no doubt you won't not wake me up with every little thing."

Nick said, looking up from where he was, in the corner comma, setting up her bed.[/quote
"And if you ever do it again, there will be some more!"

"It wasn't you who helped! It was... Me! I cracked it when I was punching you."

She wouldn't let him go and hunt Jake down, hurt him for her hurting his...

Where the hell were they? I know I packed them!

This should be in italics.
Nick stirred and began to wiggle around, trying to dance while lying down.

This is so cute and funny. :)

Nick's characterization was great in this chapter, and I like the way you did it. Giving us little details in context, about him, his sort of humor and his protectiveness towards Abby.
It was a great chapter, and apart from the little mistakes I've found, I don't think you need to change anything at all. :)

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Hi Drama. Here to review as requested. As always I have more nitpicks than anything, but I think you should write about the place where they are at. Use more descriptions. I really like it, though. ^_^

Nitpicks:

DramaLlama wrote:"Abby, do you really need all this?" Nick groaned carrying the box towards the house.


DramaLlama wrote:"Yes, I do. And if you complain anymore, I'll hit you over the head with a piano."


DramaLlama wrote:"Why, oh, why did I agree you could move into our spare room?" Hhe mumbled turning towards her.

Add red commas.

DramaLlama wrote:"Because I'm your best friend and you want me to stop coming and waking up in the middle of the night complaining about my families fights."

It should be "family's fights", I believe.

DramaLlama wrote:"Oh, I have no doubt you won't not wake me up with every little thing."

Won't not? o.0 I think you should rewrite that sentence. xD
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."




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edited
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame




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I am truly in love with the story, I came on my computer to write my Affairs of the Heart story and you've got me here procrastinating! Dang you and your awesome writing skills :D!
The last person to mess with me and my tigerness lost his face...and his COOKIES!



"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
— Lewis Carroll