Adolescent Anguish

Spoiler

Hello! This is one of my very first poems so, it may not be the best. Please feel free to be as nit picky as you wish. I'm not the best at grammar or writing so, please tell me whatever I need to improve on! Every little bit helps.

I am only a pesky fly to them.
When I talk people assume.

I can never just be me.
They expect more,
then are disappointed.

I try my best.
No one ever cares.

They call me names.
They don’t care about me.

I only want to be loved,
Is that too much to ask?

You say you love me.
Then you go and tease me.
You think its funny.

Do you see me laughing?
My eyes are red and blotchy,
Tears are running down my already damp cheeks.

I scream and shout.
Words pour from my lips.
Still, no one listens.

When will this crusade of insanity end?

I am not a child!
I am not an adult.

My hormones are flaring,
Making my feelings more intense.

I need someone to talk to.
Not just a pen to write my thoughts on paper.

This is a really good poem. I like the format and it flows very nicely. And I could also relate. I think every young writer can relate to this in some way (especially the girls about the last part, haha). Because you don't mind nitpicks and because I don't think this is long enough for a review yet I will say one thing.

Tears are running down my already damp cheeks.

This is kind of a long line that makes the flow a bit off.

But even if you don't change that, it's still a very nice poem. Keep writing!

One review, as requested!

I love the raw emotion. I totally get what you are trying to say, and I think it's very relate-able. I wouldn't really consider this lyric poetry, because there isn't much of a flow - almost bordering on short story sounding - so I think the placement is a little off-putting. The biggest issue I would like to bring up would be the flow: it doesn't really flow like a poem. Usually in a poem all of the words fit together in a certain way, and I didn't really see that here. Some of the sentences were long, some of them short, and the stanzas varied in size. I think you should try reading song lyrics and other lyric poetry, to get a better sense of how everything fits together. Read your poetry aloud. Hearing something out loud makes it much easier to figure out where it sounds weak and awkward. The very last line is a little long compared to the rest of the poem - can you find a way to say it in fewer words? - and the second line - 'When I talk people assume' - is a little strange sounding and confusing, - can you say that in maybe two words instead of one?
Hope this helps!
Love, Sierra

I quite enjoyed this! For it being one of your first poems, congrats It's a very good start. I can definitely feel the emotion you're trying to convey, and I have to say it's a very accurate emotion for adolescents in the age group you're describing. I remember those days..very tough indeed. You certainly summed up the rough patches involved with growing up. The part that really hit home was the very end, "I need someone to talk to. Not just a pen to write my thoughts on paper." I write in a journal whenever things get rough, and sometimes that's not enough.
But anyway! Enough of myself!
Above all, I enjoyed the easy quality it was to read, yet I could still understand and feel your message you put through for your audience.

Keep writing!
<3 Sara.

Wow, I really feel this poem. I have felt like this many times, and in fact, still do. This did an excellent job of conveying the feelings of an unloved teen. Excellent job!

Hi

I admire the emotion you portray in this poem. It may not be very well written, but I can definitely relate to the emotion in this, so you have half of the cake!

As far as the actual writing goes, it feels very bland and obvious. It doesn't show me anything, really. It darts back and forth between different things you're complaining about and they contradict each other a bit.

For example:

I am only a pesky fly to them.
When I talk people assume. ...assume what? Don't assume I know what you're talking about.
They expect more, This doesn't make sense to me. Why would they expect anything from a 'pesky fly'?
then are disappointed.

However, I do like it because of the emotion I referred to before. It's incredibly powerful and there's insane imagery here.

Do you see me laughing?
My eyes are red and blotchy,
Tears are running down my already damp cheeks.

I scream and shout.
Words pour from my lips.
Still, no one listens.

These are the two most influential stanzas in your poem. They give the most to your poem. Try to change the other stanzas like these two.

Hope I helped!

-B