Plain and Fabulous

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Gina
Gina was always the one that no one noticed. She never had any attention from boys never had any group of girlfriends, and never was the one to watch when it comes to the teachers. Gina was the one you saw reading in the corner wearing a skullcap with a huge black t-shirt and baggy jeans. Of course she had the old and beat up converse that she drew all over. That was her way of accessorizing; Gina was never into to any other type of fashionable add-on.
Today was a great day for Gina, however. Her family moved to New York from Jersey because her mother could not stand it anymore. Gina had no problem with it and packed up her stuff in a heartbeat. Her little brother, Chris, was furious. He was 12 and was the most popular boy in his middle school. All of the little girls liked him and the boys all wanted to be his best friend. He was living the opposite life of Gina, and was in no position to give it up.
On the night their parents announced it Chris locked himself in his room for hours. Although Gina hated her little brother sometimes she decided to talk to him about it. She crept up to his room and sat next to him on his bed with a Coke can in her hand.
“Here kid, figure I’d bring ya a lil snack.” She said.
Chris took a sip and said, “I’m not moving. My life is so perfect here. Why give it up?” He said
“Chris, you’re an amazing kid. When we move you’re going to have your life back, plus you’ll be going to school with me, it’s a secondary school. Ill be there for you if you ever feel like it’s too much.” Gina said.
“Gina, no offence but you’re a complete loser. I appreciate that your there for me but what 16 year old has no friends? If anything you should be the one coming to me.”
This was sarcasm, but it hit Gina hard because it was true. She was an outcast.
“Chris…look I am so happy to move because I want a new slate. I want to be able to change the fact that I’m so alone and different. To be honest, all of those friends you have look more like fans to me.” She said.
“No, come on Gina they’re my friends. I’m more bummed out about leaving Rachel. I don’t know how to tell her.”
Rachel was Chris’s little girlfriend. Gina found this amusing. Chris was like a little adult and although it sounds annoying, it’s rather adorable.
“Oh no, how will we ever tell her such terrible news!” Gina teased. Chris hit her in the head with his pillow, which began a mini fight. They talked for another hour and Gina went to bed.

This morning, Gina was ready for a new slate. She was ready to make friends and possibly join a club. She new that the new school was going to be way better than her past school. She was ready and happy. She walked the five blocks to school and began her day.



Bobby
Lipstick, check. Eyeliner, fabulous. Blush, plenty. High heels, gorgeous! Bobby was ready for his first day in school in drag; He has the tightest jeans and cutest tank. He was ready to rock the scene. Everybody already loves Bobby, he was nice yet sassy. Everyone loved him, except some of the guys. The who thought that they were so manly and tough. Really, they were just totally insecure and Bobby was so aware of this. He paid those jerks no mind.
Bobby has been openly gay for the past six years but has been obviously gay for the past 16. One might wonder how a ten year old can realize he’s gay. Well when Bobby was ten he saw the MTV VMAs and fell in love with Chris Martin. His mother found it really cute and his father was slightly disappointed. He always knew Bobby was a little funny, however he did not want to believe it. When it was confirmed, his father just held his down and buried the dream of his son carrying on the family tradition of high school football star.
Bobby loved to watch football, but he was not tough enough to play it, so in middle school he tried out for cheerleading and became captain. His parents made it too all the games. His father was more interested in watching his big sister Sally, who was on the basketball team. She was in the eighth grade when Bobby started cheering in the sixth, so he organized a cheer dedicated to his sister. Everyone loved Sally because she was so good, so the cheer was nothing but a crowd pleaser.
When Sally moved on to 9th grade she tried out for football, but it was only for the boys. Of course her father marched himself up to the coach and screamed about how good everyone knew she was and how much better their team would be with her on it. The coach said he would give no special treatment whatsoever for the girl and would even work her harder than the guys so she can reach their level, even though she was better than all of them. This worked out in her favor; she got accepted into collage on scholarship for football.
Today starts the day that Bobby is by himself running the school alone. No longer known as Sally’s amazing, cute, and funny little brother. They were no longer a team. This year and next year, he is going to be Bobby, with a little twist.




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Hellooo PlanetaryGal! I will be reviewing your work now; I'm on a reviewing high...anyway...

This is a great opening and it really allows you to get to know the characters. They have good names aswell, ones that really suit their personalities. Ofcourse, there are those annoying nitpicks that need to be sorted out though:

She never had any attention from boys never had any group of girlfriends, and never

I think you may have missed out a commar inbetween "boys" and "never".

and never was the one to watch

This could be phrased better. Maybe: "and was never oneto be watched" ?

Chris locked himself in his room for hours. Although Gina hated her little brother

To make this more smooth you could do with adding and "and" to join up the two sentances.

Lipstick, check. Eyeliner, fabulous. Blush, plenty. High heels, gorgeous!

I love this! It gives you a really good insight into the characters before you even start describing him.

he is going to be Bobby, with a little twist.

This is another thing I love. It's a great way to end it because it makes you wonder what the twist is and how you, as the writer, are going to incoporate that.

Keep up the great writing and PM me if you need anything!! Midnight x
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic" - Albus Dumbledore




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Ok, interesting story here. The characters were likable, and you gave enough info n them, but this piece lacked in description of any and everything. We have the facts but no visuals. Also you tend to changes tenses in and out, so you should keep and eye on that. Here are the nitpicks I was able to find;

Gina was always the one that no one noticed. She never had any attention from boys never had any group of girlfriends, and never was the one to watch when it comes to the teachers. Gina was the one you saw reading in the corner wearing a skullcap with a huge black t-shirt and baggy jeans. Of course she had the old and beat up converse that she drew all over. That was her way of accessorizing; Gina was never into to any other type of fashionable add-on.
Alright, here you change from the past tense; Gina was always. . . to present . . . comes . . . and back again. Also you might want to put a comma after boys.

Chris took a sip and said, “I’m not moving. My life is so perfect here. Why give it up?” He said
You can remove the 'he said' because you already have 'and said'

“No, come on Gina they’re my friends. I’m more bummed out about leaving Rachel. I don’t know how to tell her.”
Rachel was Chris’s little girlfriend. Gina found this amusing. Chris was like a little adult and although it sounds annoying, it’s rather adorable.
Here you use the wrong tense again.

This morning, Gina was ready for a new slate. She was ready to make friends and possibly join a club. She new that the new school was going to be way better than her past school. She was ready and happy. She walked the five blocks to school and began her day.
Here you use the wrong kind of new, it should be knew.

Lipstick, check. Eyeliner, fabulous. Blush, plenty. High heels, gorgeous! Bobby was ready for his first day in school in drag; He has the tightest jeans and cutest tank. He was ready to rock the scene. Everybody already loves Bobby, he was nice yet sassy. Everyone loved him, except some of the guys. The who thought that they were so manly and tough. Really, they were just totally insecure and Bobby was so aware of this. He paid those jerks no mind.
You messed up the tenses again, and left out 'one's' between the and who.

Bobby has been openly gay for the past six years but has been obviously gay for the past 16. One might wonder how a ten year old can realize he’s gay. Well when Bobby was ten he saw the MTV VMAs and fell in love with Chris Martin. His mother found it really cute and his father was slightly disappointed. He always knew Bobby was a little funny, however he did not want to believe it. When it was confirmed, his father just held his down and buried the dream of his son carrying on the family tradition of high school football star.
You should change both has, to had. The last part of the paragraph needs to be rewritten to make sense.
The coach said he would give no special treatment whatsoever for the girl and would even work her harder than the guys so she can reach their level, even though she was better than all of them. This worked out in her favor; she got accepted into collage on scholarship for football.
Can should be could.

With a little polish this story could be great! Good luck, and keep up the hard work,
~Zanna Shepherd
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna



It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire