My Reason

If I were to put a finger
On the reason
That I wake up each day
I could not
Do so.

But now I have found my reason-
And it is not
The reason that I expected.

I would have thought
That after all this time,
My
Reason
Would not have been what you are.

But it is.
And yet,
It is not.

You are not
My
Reason
Though I know you would like to be.

But what you were,
What you
Used to
Be.

That is why I love you.
Because you are
My
Reason.

But you are no longer you.

And again, you will never be.

Goodnight,
My
Reason.

Hmm... I do indeed like it, but I think that you could have given little more to it, a little more depth. Just something to have more story and uniqueness, other than a vague way of saying "You are my reason for life,"

However, since you're new here, I'll go easy on ya Nice job. And, welcome to YWS.

-A

This is interesting, some parts I dont get but thats the part about poems, it doesn't have to make sence great job.

This was interesting to read and follow. The freestyle form worked well with the pace and highlighted certain thoughts well. I have no grammatical nitpicks. I do wish that you somehow elevated the poem away from prose, but that's up to you. By the end of the poem my interest fades and the piece feels flat. This is a great start though.

Hello Darling,
This is your first post, so I'll go easy on you... But after this I'll rip you apart... unless it is good, which is always a possibility.
I thought you broke it up badly. The places you chose to change lines were awkward. Other than that, it was pretty good!
Keep up the good work, If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Good job, usually new members have tons of grammatical and spelling errors, but I didn't see any in this. Welcome to YWS. Good luck!

"I would have thought
That after all this time,
My
Reason
Would not have been what you are."

Personally, I feel you use too many blunt stops where they aare not needed. Your poem loses it's flow once you start doing that. You've done it throughout you poem and it kind of loses its meaning because one is so focused on the blunt stops that are unnecessary...

The poem makes a lot of sense if you reduce the stops and put them only where needed. Its a beautiful poem though... I reallt love it! just reduce the stops and you'll be on you way! =)

I like the way the poem is broken up. The stanzas feel like their there for pauses and breaks, and that's nice, but I like the way each line is separated. It's almost as if the narrator were directly talking to me in a. broken. direct. emphasized. way. Like
I'm
taking in
things
at different
times.
Although some poems don't really work with this choppy-ness, and are better flowing, I like this. I feel like not just words, but where they're placed can really impact and enhance a poem.

If I were to put a finger
On the reason
That I wake up each day
I could not
Do so.

I love the first stanza the best. I don't know, but it drew me in. It was the reason I kept reading the poem. The way the words are placed make it very interesting to read. It's like separate thoughts, but they all flow together if you look at the stanza as a whole. I'm very fond of poems or even lyrics that can take to lines and make them work together and apart. Although yours doesn't do this directly, it somewhat does in a different way. I was trying to find an example of what I'm talking about, but I can't... Lol.

That is why I love you.
Because you are
My
Reason.

But you are no longer you.

And again, you will never be.

I like this ending part, as well. I love how

"But you are no longer you."

and

"And again, you will never be."

shows how people can change. Personalities can change and alter, and I feel like you're saying that although people are still the same "people", there are aspects to them that aren't there forever. And so a "person" can be a reason, but maybe not their individuality. Like how you're reason and your love could be your country, but a country is such a fluctuating thing and once it has moved on it will never be the same again.

"...you are no longer you."

When I first started reading this, I thought it would be more like a love poem, like the narrator talking about how and why this person is their reason and their love. But I really like how it's almost a bit sadder and darker. To me it feels more realistic than some love that's only rainbows and sunshine.

The only thing I have to say is maybe you could have used different word choice. The poems kind of "dry", but not in a bad way. I mean, it works this way, too. But the poem feels grey to me, which I like grey, but I would also like to see what the poem could be if it were more colorful. Like spicing up the language a bit more.

But that's all I have to say.
Good work!

Hi-ya!!!!! I love this poem! Very fun to read! It makes my thinker think!!! You have a way with words that no matter which direction you take it, it's Brilliant! I really enjoyed your work! I really love how you set up the format of the poem. Your structure makes it almost like a ditty, fun to read!!!! Keep up the Brilliant work!

This poem was a bit more difficult to critique, free form always is. Anyway, the set up was a bit iffy for me. Free verse needs a really strong layout so readers can follow it and understand it.

I got what you were saying, which is the important thing, so thumbs up for that! =]

Another thing I would change is the word choice here and there. It seems that you use the word I and You and Reason quite a few times, which I understand that you need to do that to get your message across, but the poem is so short that it seems that those three words take up a vast majority of it. Maybe lengthen it a bit?

Please note to take all of my comments as a grain of salt, you have a beautiful writing style thats really sophisticated. =] This is a lovely piece.