us

When I think of us I
remember how you how you hold my hand.

I think of how careful you are when
you carress my arm.

I think of with one look from you
it can speak miles.

And I think of how tender and
protective your kisses are upon my lips.

I think of me of me and you together always
by each others sides with nothing to hide.

For it is me and you,
always.

Howdy there!

This is pretty good just a few points

When I think of us I nice use of enjambment here
remember how you how you hold my hand.this sentence doesn't make sense

I think of with one look from you Again this word order doesn't make sense
it can speak miles.

And I think of how tender and
protective your kisses are upon my lips. I love your word choices here.

I think of me of me and you together alwaysThis doesn't make sense
by each others sides with nothing to hide.

To be honest you just need to proof read this.

Otherwise, good job, well done!

Like the post above me said some of it don't make sence. But the poem itself is good you just need to proof read it again and try not to repeat words like: When I think of us
I remember how you how you hold my hand or I think of me of me and you togather alway Other then that its good keep it up.

I really like it. I can relate very well. It's nice and simple and makes a point. Good job.

Hello!

This is a very sweet poem you have. The speaker's tone is very clear! Quite a few poets struggle with holding a good tone, but your poem is simple and still holds a strong feeling of passion behind it. Very cool!

When I think of us, I
remember how you how you holdheld my hand.

I don't really think this linebreak is very nice. It was clunky when I read it, and still it's hard for me to read it so that the linebreak belongs there. If it was this, I'd probably feel better:

When I think of us,
I remember how you held my hand.

Or even more fun:

When I think of us,
I remember how you
held my hand.

Also notice the comma and edits I made. Since the speaker is remembering something from the past, make sure you use past tense in that clause in line two.

I think of how careful you are when
you carresscaress my arm.

I don't know if I like the word "careful" here. It sounds like he's trying really hard not to break your arm. XD Maybe try "gentle" or a similar word to better describe how light his touch is.

I think of how, with one look from you,
it can speak miles.

You seemed to have missed a word when writing this. Whoops! Also notice the commas I added in. It makes more sense in my mind anyway.

AndI think of how tender and
protective your kisses are upon my lips.

I'm not sure how a kiss can be protective. Can a kiss protect me from getting hit by a bus? oO Also, the "and" broke the parallelism you had going with the "I think."

I think of me of me and you together, always
by each other's sides with nothing to hide.

You know, I just got to thinking how it would be better if the linebreak was here:

I think of me and you together,
always by each other's side with nothing to hide.

Or if you had fun with it:

I think of me and you together,
always by each other's side [maybe even "always together, / with nothing to hide"]
with nothing to hide.

For it is me and you,
always.

I like how you ended it! I'm a sucker for these simple endings that leave goosebumps. So cool! However, I think it would be cool if you reiterated the "always" bit earlier on. Near the beginning, so the beginning and end tie together.

Overall, there are ways you can edit this and play around with the stanzas. Have some fun with the piece and see if you can play with repetition/parallelism, linebreaks (that are nice to read), and other poetic devices. Try to better tie the beginning and end of the piece. That's something I always look for in a poem. It's one of my favorite bits in a poem.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Well, I think Jabberhut took care of all the picky stuff, and that's all I saw too. Otherwise, good job! I really like this poem; it's so sweet. Keep writing!

TS