Smile (Contest Entry)

Spoiler

I've reposted this as an entery for a contest (http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/contests/viewcontest.php?id=19). The word I had to write about was joke.

Smile 'till your cheeks hurt.
You'll have a lot more fun.
When you're happy smile,
You can never be done.

Have fun with all your friends.
Just smile all the way.
Your smile looks so great,
So have a happy day!

I like the simplicity of this poem! it's cute and bubbly and just fun! it gives you a break of all the complicated, confusing, deep, dramatic, sad, depressing, cliche, and angry poems on this site. Cleaver rhyming and uplifting message! Great Job! Have a happy day to you too!
Love,
LittleLionWoman

i liked your poem. it was bubbly and cute!! keep going!

Simplicity is obvious in this poem- I like it. Just a little more bare bones than what I usually like, but you've done this cute subject matter justice.

When you're happy smile,
You can never be done.

Should be "When you're happy, smile" Also, the "You can never be done" part sounds a little awkward to me.
Otherwise, kudos.

I agree with theCodex about the "you can never be done" sounding a bit awkward, so you might want to consider changing that one - but other than that, I thought this was really cute! It's just a bubbly, sweet poem that makes you smile and improves your day!
Keep writing!
Ofir

Hello cupcake,

This is really nice and bubbly, it is full of energy and makes everyone happy. I like the simplicity of it because it is just a nice short rhyming poem that everyone can relate to without being confused or baffled. Personally I liked this!

I have to agree with the others the line "you can never be done" does sound slightly unusual and I am curious to what you meant by this it stands out I think you might need to reword it or change it completely, sorry it just doesn't seem right. Apart from that though this was excellent.

Just read the spoiler ( I know silly me!) So the topic was 'a joke'. I get how smiling stems off that but I still think you need to include a little bit about laughing because it seems like that was mistakenly left out. Other than that though I think it was inventive to use!

Overall this was good. Keep up the really amazing writing, you are certainly a natural rhymer so pursue it and keep on writing poetry!

From CuteJackRussell

Thank you so much for your reviews!
This line:

cupcake wrote:You can never be done.

means you can't be finished smiling. If anyone has any suggestions on what to reword/change it to I would really appreciate it.