hope

This it the edited version i got rid of the second poem



Hope

What happens when we lose hope?
hope for a better tommorrow.
hope that a problem goes away.
hope for life.
hope that you will have a family.

Is there a tommorrow?
it may never come.
if it doesn't come,
what will I do?

no, no more tommorrows,
they are lost with hope.

no more sunny summer days.
no more cold winter days in the snow.
no more colorful autumns.
no more spring days bursting with flowers.
no hope for tommorrow.

That problem that's unbearable,
will it ever end?
no joy.
no lightheartedness.
not anymore no,
no hope.

not anymore,
I lost it when I lost my mind.

These are the best poems i ever read. Brilliant. Perfect. I know little to nothing abuot poetry punctuation but i am relitively sure it is right.

sounds like you know about as much as i do glad you liked it though i think

I lost it when I lost my mind,
for without hope no mind can be sane.

First sentence of this-excellent. Second-wretched. Get rid of it. It deflects from the brilliant-osity of the first line. Other than that, this poem was decent. Not brilliant, but decent.

The second poem used symbolism that has already-been-done, overstated things, repeated and reused analogy and basically wasn't very good at all. You're trying to make a point but you didn't make it efficiently. Try again.

At first i enjoyed the repetition but then it seemed to much. I suggest you lose some of the repition. I liked the imagery however, and i thourougly enjoyed the first section of this piece.

Here's a revision I took out some of the repition but there's still quiet a bit of it.

Hope

What happens when we lose hope?
hope for a better tommorrow.
hope that a problem goes away.
hope for life.
hope that you will have a family.

Is there a tommorrow?
it may never come.
if it doesn't come,
what will I do?

no, no more tommorrows,
they are lost with hope.

When there is no hope for another sunny summer day
wasting time with friends
Autumn what a time when everything dies for the winter
the perfect time of the year bitter cold setting in
with hope it could be a time of familyness but alas,
that is not so
Then just another dreary cold wet day in winter
not the picturesque of a mountain view.
what about spring in all it's new born beuaty,
the colors of flowers never to bloom again without hope
Who would see the colors?

That problem that's unbearable,
will it ever end?
no joy.
no lightheartedness.
not anymore no,
no hope.

not anymore,
I lost it when I lost my mind.

i liked it alot especially the ending not anymore,
I lost it when I lost my mind. and i also liked this one to no more sunny summer days.
no more cold winter days in the snow.
no more colorful autumns.
no more spring days bursting with flowers.
no hope for tommorrow.
clever

Hmm.... You should really capitalize letters at the beginning of sentences, especially with the puncuation of periods.... but with a comma break you don't have to, understand?

This sounds totally obsurd to me because I know what hope is... and basically these are all the known "cliches" of what people think hope is, it sort of annoys me but it really can't be bothered with *No offense but people are sort of stupid *

"That problem that's unbearable,"

THAT is annoying You used it too much in this sentence *twice I know, I know but still* ... THE problem that's unbearable would work a bit better I suppose. Nice job otherwise.

Hey plutogirl! LOL! Well i thought it had a good meaning and i felt the emotion in it. It's kind of how i've been feeling lately. It seems that we're feeling the same way. Anyways, i would cut back on all the punctuation, there's a little too much. I liked the second version the best. You should keep writing poetry. By the way, the poll on the last choice was funny. I can't wait to read more of your poetry.