Asylum

Cling to insanity! Grab a hold of it and never let go
As if it depended on your life,
watch as your old life shattered! crumbles! Dissipates! And implodes in you,
Sending you into that everso ethereal
Twisted spiral descent into the beckoning Chaos
Of mind and heart which by all would call "Sick, sad and confused"
But on the contrary it is but absolution of darkness
By this absolution you are granted true realization
Heart and mind are connected never skipping the genuine beat,
Never able to "Second think"
Because your actions justified and resolved from said heart and mind
That from that point can never seperate!
You will be excommunicated and be put into "asylum"
Where they claim to help you better yourself.
Calm your mind but all they will do is hold you back!
They do not know what we know nor experienced!
Hypocrits to say they know us!
Heretics to say that we are not "right!"
They are naught! They are not but lesser creatures
Who need to be shown the correct understanding of life and death....
By all means necessary

I LOVE this poem! it's so powerful and true, how some people never live life to the fullest! it's truly amazing. I love this line the most, "Heart and mind are connected never skipping the genuine beat," you have great sensory images. Really good job.

Great job. A few very general nitpicks, since I'm feeling to lazy to go into detail:
-Watch your grammar (mostly capitalization, especially capitalize at the beginning of each line, whether it's the start of a sentence or not)
-You spelled hypocrite wrong
-Second line: Did you mean "If your life depended on it"?
-Third to last line: you have 'naught' at first which is right, but then you have 'not' which should still be 'naught'


Really good job. It reminds me of school and my old piano teacher. It makes me glad that I don't have to endure either anymore...at least until school starts back up.

Hello!

So, I really like the idea behind this poem: that insanity is alright, heck, it's better than alright. I'm sure that some of us could relate to that one way or another.I also liked the language of the poem, it's as if the narrator is convienced that insanity is the new 'sane'. It's also really cool how the poem have a sort of excited tone behind it, like everything's a wonder to the narrator, especially insanity.

You also have a very interesting and attention grabbing first line.

bsbfan19 wrote:Cling to insanity!

I think that line was sheer brilliance.

The poem also ended in a very powerful note, I think, it sort of links it back up to the first line, which makes the poem complete and full.

I don't have any major criticsm, but can I suggest that you proofread your work really carefully, because there's something that looked a bit odd:

bsbfan19 wrote:watch as your old life shattered! crumbles! Dissipates! And implodes in you,

The beginning 'w' from there wasn't capitalised yet, everywhere else in the poem, the first line is capitalised, I realise that some people purposely don't capitalise the first letter, but it didn't seem like that was what you were doing in this poem.

I think that it wouldn't hurt adding commas here:

bsbfan19 wrote:But on the contrary it is but absolution of darkness,
By this absolution you are granted true realization,

So, just little nitpicks, no major criticsm, I'd say it was it was a poem well written.

this is a magnificent poem! i like how you describe insanity because that's what it's like, i think.