two poems: hope and life

actually there's two poems on here and the puntuation is pretty bad because I have no clue how to punctuate poems



Hope

What happens when we lose hope?
hope for a better tommorrow.
hope that a problem goes away.
hope for life.
hope that you will have a family.

Is there a tommorrow?
it may never come.
if it doesn't come,
what will I do?

no, no more tommorrows,
they are lost with hope.

no more sunny summer days.
no more cold winter days in the snow.
no more colorful autumns.
no more spring days bursting with flowers.
no hope for tommorrow.

That problem that's unbearable,
will it ever end?
no joy.
no lightheartedness.
not anymore no,
no hope.

not anymore,
I lost it when I lost my mind,
for without hope no mind can be sane.


Life

Life all it does is take your hope!
everytime you get up it knocks you down.
when you love it rips it away!
every hope and dream is shattered,
easily as a piece of glass.

Life takes everything away,
it renders hope useless.
it turns the bodies of hopes to corpses.
yes, this is what life does to hopes and dreams,
it leaves nothing it picks the very bones
of your dreams.

Life a rabinous bear,
tearing at the flesh of hope
shattering the bones of dreams.
no more can a man stand without bones and flesh
than a man can live without his dreams and hopes

a rabinous bear never stops
nor does life not till it has
destroyed all your hopes and dreams
and consumed your soul

Punctuating poms is all up too you. You can add whatever punctuation to a poem where ever, and whatever you deem necesary.

Both of these carry a theme that makes it difficult to finish them. I read through the first one, waiting for the mood to pick up, and it never did. I think that both of these start in a good place, but end in a bad one, simply because that place never changes. I think that if you were to maybe start somewhat light hearted, or end somewhat lighthearted, and have that dimsal negativity in the inverse of that, these would be much better. Reading this felt like there was a weight on my shoulders. And I literally went "uf!" thinking when was it going to end? Not because it was bad, but because the image you present is that of one being dragged through the mud, and nothing else. Anytime one is being dragged through the mud, one desires something different. Most people, especially the ADD caffine induced western world, enjoy things on a changing level. These pieces don't change. ------------------, like that, not great, not bad. We like things to do this. _-``-_-``-_ go up and down like, so that we have some semblance of reality to compare our existances too whatever art we happen to be taking in. Poetry needs to do that all at once, as does theatre and television. Painters have the luxury of museums, so one piece can encompass one mood, where another piece next to it is bound to have a different mood.

So, in short, what needs to happen here is a simple change of mood, either for the better, or for the worse. It could start kind of dank, and end absolutely wreched, or it could start dank and end up happy. Its all up to you. But leaving it in one place, no matter how good the poetry is, will lose the interest of the reader.

thanks for your help in a way i know your right about the change of mood but also it gets how i was feeling of complete hopelessness and anger and as you said being dragged through the mud out too. i'll keep working on these but it may be a bit before the mood changes it's hard for me at times to see joy when things in my life go wrong. That's how this came into being from memories of all these things in my life. Thank you for taking the time to give a critique

You know I was absolutely positive I posted on this...and some other dude already said something on it too...how weird.

You know what a poem is and how to write one. But you attempt to conquer such strong aspects of life (or life itself) in a sort of...rambling structure. I beg you to incorporate something that is not exactly more flowery, but more formulated and less repetitive. Mold these inspired fragments into something more.